He said He hates me

reconciliation
1

So, right now I am just messed up, heartbroken, just thinking that I am the worst gf in the world, whose bf had said last night that I hate you, without telling me the reason. The only thought in my mind right now is to commit suicide.
My story is simple. He met with me almost 2 years before, and according to him, he fall in love at first sight. At first I became friend with him, but gradually my interest developed and right now, its like that I am nothing without him. We fought, we argued, we laughed together. There is a chain of good memories that never fade away.

Problem began almost 1 month before, he started to ignore and avoid me, by saying he is very busy these days, sometimes he replied after 1 or 2 days, it seemed he lost interest in me, in my messages. 2 weeks before, I fought with him over text messages, and then he stopped responding me, by saying that from today, I am dead for you. Last week, I tried to call him but he didn’t pick my calls, and replied so rudely and harshly to my text messages, he insulted me, kept on saying that we don’t have any relation now and to leave him alone, he is happy in his life now.

I told this story to my best friend. She contacted him, informed him that your gf is in miserable condition and will embrace death. I was expecting he would contact me after realizing about my death news, but alas, it didn’t affect him too. He said to my friend that he loved me before but not anymore.

Last night, I again tried to call him from a different number, he picked my call and as soon as I uttered his name, he cut it. And sent message to me not to call or text him, he said he hates me, I asked why, but he didn’t tell me the reason, and continued to say that he is dead for me. I wanted to tell him, that I love him, only him, to the extent of madness. But he didn’t listen to me.

I am extremely depressed, seems that there is not a single reason to live, I have lost him, he is not coming back, and most worst part, he didn’t tell me that why he started to hate me. I don’t know what to do, I am blank right now, just want not to live anymore as the person who is so important to me, in fact he is my world, he just hates me now.

2

I feel your pain.

According to https://exbackpermanently.com/sneaky-signs-your-ex-still-loves-you-even-if-they-say-they-dont/ there is still a chance.

Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. If an ex shows any type of negative emotions for you (including anger and hatred), it’s because they are hurt. It’s because they had expectations that you didn’t meet. It’s because they are an emotional mess because of you. Just because someone says they hate you, doesn't really mean they don't love you.

But the truth is, they are only hurt because they love you. You broke their expectations because they have expectations from you. And the reason they are an emotional mess is because they still have feelings for you.

Think about it, why would someone spend so much time and energy into hating you or being angry at you? They broke up with you. Wouldn’t it be easier to just forget about you and move on? The reason they say they have these negative emotions you is because they still have feelings for you. They just don’t want those feelings to be there, so they are confusing those feelings to be hatred or anger.

I suggest you to immediately start no contact. Reasons for this can be found at the frontpage.

3

Do you really don’t want to live anymore? Like consciously don’t want to live anymore? My dear, YOUR LIFE is the most important thing in the world. Not any other person, not a guy. The best is yet to come. Remember that. I’m pretty sure you remember a time in your life when you were sooo down, and then something amazing happened and you thought “wow I could never have predicted being this happy”. Even if it was him, there are more people in the world. You DESERVE someone that will love you, and value you no matter what! You deserve someone that will stick by you, and most importantly someone that will care about you even when things aren’t going ok.

A few things to consider here:

.The opposite of love is indiference not hate.

.However, do you really think he is this amazing person you have in your mind if he is treating you like SHIT right now? NO! Which means there is way better for you out there and you deserve much better.

.Remember the way someone treats you, is NOT a reflection of your worth. Is a reflection of their character. PERIOD.

.All that hate could be for two reasons: He really wants you to get over him, or he is really hurt. If it’s the second option don’t worry about it, give it time. If it’s the first one, again, he doesn’t deserve you anyway my dear.

.Keep in mind he might have taken that info (about your death embrace as you put it) as a way of trying to get his attention.

I can tell you have been insisting a lot. If you read the article it says to do the opposite. For your relationship and most of all, for your own sanity and well being.

I too felt I didn’t want to live anymore. But I fought against it, cause I didn’t really wanted to not live anymore, it was just a really intense feeling I couldn’t control, but in my head I didn’t. And I went to a psychologist as well. So please, if you are not seeing one, go see one. I beg you.

There is much more out there, and you MUST keep going. I’m not saying you can’t get him back. But I don’t think you should try after the way he has been treating you, you deserve more than that. And I hope in time you understand that, that you understand your self worth. You need to love yourself my dear. Just hold on to those around you, your friends, your family. Do whatever you need to do to feel even just a littttle better. Do things you enjoy, and that will help you get thru things a bit better, like watching a tv show, playing a game, even sleeeping the whole day. I know it’s hard, and that you can’t even watch any tv show because it always is a bit about love and it hurts. Trust me my dear, I know what it feels like, but you must fight it! I’m here for you and if you want I will give you my KIK so that we can exchange facebooks or something and you can talk to me

4

Hey there,

I don’t post/reply here as much as I used to, but the content of this post kinda shook me.

I totally agree with kaila, even though right now, being in the position you are, I can understand why you can’t see it.

Post-breakup relationships are quite a roller-coaster, with both sides saying one thing while thinking, and sometimes doing, the other. Hearing him say he hates you hurts like a bitch, it does, but unless you’re a shitty, heartless person (and from your post, I think that’s not the case), he’s venting his pain and frustration at you.

As for your lack of will to live. Think of it this way, maybe right now the world looks like shit, that there’s no reason to wake up, but how cool is it that already 3 people have tried to lift your spirit up? And it’s not like we know you, so hey, that’s a good thing isn’t it?

It hurts and it’s gonna hurt for a while, and that’s fine, it means you had something real. But right now, you’re a mess. You are, and that’s also fine.

What you need to do, and I can’t stress this enough, is go NC. A lot of people say that like it’s a miracle cure, but it’s not meant to cure the relationship, but to give you time to think, let things sink in, and just understand what you’re going through. Cuz right now you’re in a shitstorm and YOU ARE NOT THINKING STRAIGHT. And that’s cool, we’ve all been there, but make peace with the fact that this is the situation, and the best thing you can do is to embrace that fact, and try to make the best out of a shitty situation? Calling/texting/mailing isn’t gonna help you in any way (speaking from experience), and certainly not gonna make him realize he’s made a mistake. Not that I care much for the way he feels, but you do.

Give yourself a break, try (even trying and failing counts) to go and enjoy stuff, go out, have a drink or two or ten, find reasons other than him to wake up (and that’s fucking hard, I know), and know that you got total strangers who got your back if you need them, isn’t that awesome?

5

I am sorry if I’d sound aggressive here but reading posts of suicide or any such life threatening impulsive actions really disturb me and get me fumed but I would request you to read this and take this positively.

You just need to remember one thing - Your life went on before you met this guy,it went on when you were with him and so it WILL go on even after he exits. He is not the sole purpose of your life. You are demeaning your own life’s worth this way. You are not respecting yourself ,your life,the one who created you,the ones who genuinely love you and the ones who helped you grow. If you think he is your world and your only source of happiness,then it’s time you redefine yourself. Nobody can be responsible for your happiness,it’s you and only you. If you think you can’t be happy and full being on your own,nobody else will be able to do that for you.

Just think it this way - Do you think he is feeling any of these sad emotions for you right now? Do you think he feels like his life isn’t worth living anymore? NONE OF IT!
He is living it just fine or maybe he’s doing great. Then why would YOU feel this way? And that too for a man who didnt stand up for you? What are you achieving by thinking of actions like suicide? You want his sympathy? You think that will have him reconcile with you? None of that will happen my dear. He will instead feel happier with the break up because you are only projecting yourself as to how low you value yourself. You are projecting yourself as a low quality woman which you are not. You are only manifesting that you dont love yourself and if you dont love you,you can’t expect anyone else to. Why should they if you,the owner of you,doesn’t value yourself as much? So please consider this before harboring any impulsive thoughts and kindly grow your self esteem. I have myself messed up my year long amazingly beautiful relationship with my ex who was amazingly loving and respectful to me. I did something which understandably had us break up BUT we all makes mistakes and our mistakes don’t define us. What defines us is the willingness to accept,learn and become a better person. So even if you did do something wrong unintentionally to have him hate you, it doesn’t mean he gets to demean you and disrespect you. People can say rude hurtful things if they are angry. My ex was aggressive and rude to me too and I empathized with him given that point of that but that doesn’t mean he gets to continue being this way with me. He knows he’ll lose me if he disrespects me.So learn to take a stand for yourself.

And an important thing; I don’t know how old are you or what do you do but at this point of your time,you have to re-realize that you were born for much bigger and important reasons.You were born to set a goal for yourself. To prove yourself. To use your talents. Your intelligence. Your charm. Your beauty. Your personality. And nobody ,absolutely nobody, can take these away from you and define your worth. You were born for greater things and not to have some guy validate your self worth. Stand tall,walk with your head held high,focus on your career,love the people who genuinely care about you and shine. This is how you will embrace your life’s actual purpose, attract amazing people and have your ex automatically regret what he did to you. These things don’t come through overnight. It takes time and effort but if you invest your determination,boost your self esteem and make use of your intelligence and smartness, you will never be more grateful and happier about your life. I promise :slight_smile:

6

Sana,

This must be hard and I empathize with you. However, I echo the sentiments of those stated above, a lot of which are helping me myself as well, as I’m experiencing horrible emotions (not suicidal ones though).

As new as I am to this, I would still suggest an NC period. Find something to occupy yourself other than him. It’s painful I know, but do remember, a lot of women have been through this, and so have many men as well. Most survived so intend to survive and consider yourself a survivor. Forget the thoughts of death and think more of how to make your life much better…

7

Hey,

I am really thankful for your reply, and yes you all are absolutely right, i feel myself like a bitch whenever i remember his texts in which he wrote " i hate you,i hate you and so i hate you", and i was begging just to pick my call once, and he wrote “No,not at all”…i said we are happy together, and he replied “we were”.

I have started NC, and i am trying hard not to think about contacting him, but still there is a part inside my heart, which made me feel worse by thinking that what did i do that he began to hate me to an extreme extent. I am completely loyal to him, i can’t even think about any other guy, and he knows it that i am only devoted to him. I fought with him, just because he was ignoring and avoiding me without any reason. But at that time, i didn’t think even for a minute that he will leave me. I m still thinking how can he be so rude towards me, after having a strong love bonding of 2 years.

Still he is the last thought of my mind in night, and first thought when i wake up in the morning. I am trying fucking hard to stop thinking about him, about his promises, about his love claims, about all the happiest moments we spent together. He hurt me extremely, he broke my heart and still i love him. I know it sounds crazy, but i don’t know why i have lost my self esteem and self-respect for him.

After reading replies on my post, i really feel awesome to have you guys on my back, and i am hopeful to get normal with the support of all of you. As it sounds really good to know there are people out there who can really feel and understand your emotions and are ready to pull you up out of such hard time.

Do you think, he still loves me and will want me back after NC? He has showed extreme anger and hatred towards me and clearly said to me he is very happy in his life now,and doesn’t needs me anymore, will he miss me and will realize his mistake of treating me so badly?

8

Hey to All,

Dear Nightly, Kaila, Joe, Gia and Blue Merz, i am really thankful for your boosting and much supportive messages. I read these every time, whenever i feel down or miss him during NC period. I am really grateful as i have overcome my suicidal thoughts now, and trying hard to get back to normal life.

9

Sana, actually, another thing is, his behaviour sounds rather extremely abusive to me and I WOULD be careful about getting back with such a guy.

Consider this, we teach people how to treat us, and if you still want him back after such mistreatment, a negative pattern might start unfolding here, where he ‘might’ take you back and repeat this abuse because he’ll see you as, forgive the word, ‘cheap’.

Also consider this, I was speaking to one of my girlfriends over the weekend about a relationship she had when she was in Uni, a very long time ago, in which her boyfriend treated her badly and ended up marrying another girl with whom he had been cheating on her with. The boyfriend and the other girl went on to have two children, and the girl divorced him simply because he was probably a prat. My friend went ahead and met other guys and finally married someone else and they’re still together now with two children. She mentioned how looking back now, the ex did her a favour by the breakup, leaving her free to choose a better relationship for herself. This is someone who thought her world had come to an end at the time the relationship ended. Now, it’s completely different scenario. In fact, last time she saw the ex he was even asking her for money…

There’s so much more to life than meets he eye. So think this through… seriously. Is this what you really, really want? The way I see it, he must be apologising to you big time before you take him back. Otherwise, girl, cut your loses. Wait for someone else who’ll treat you much much better. Whenever you feel down, purposefully visualize the type of relationship you really really want and focus on going out to meet other guys who’ll help you achieve that.

I’m in a NC period myself, and it feels absolutely horrible… the void that one thinks only one person can fill. But it will pass. Going off now to take a doze of my own medicine… Your life awaits, and so does mine.

10

Hi BlueMerz,

Yes, he behaved extremely shitty and full of hatred towards me. The problem is, i am unable to figure out the real reason behind this. During our 2 years relationship, i found him lovely and caring. I am a reserved not-so-easy girl, he approached me and made me fall into him, he tried hard to gain my trust. He made me believe that he thinks i am the one that made by God just for him. He made me believe that he will not going to leave me, no matter whatever the situation will be. He insisted me many times to share every little thing with him.

He said “Sana, you have the right to scream onto me, to blow your frustration on me whenever you want, if you will not pull out your stress or anger on me,then on whom? I am your lover,i understand you completely, the things which you say or not say. I know you more than yourself.” Our love story was like a fairy tale comes real, and he always said that when people will listen to our love story,they will not believe the way we fall in love with each other but we both know that fairy tales happen in real life too. He made me feel so special, and now the same person turns out to be a completely different person, who just want me to get over him. It sounds so impossible to me that a person can change to this extent without telling the reason. This thought is driving me crazy that why this happened?

11

My ex didn’t comfort me as extremely as yours but I understand. It’s a sickening feeling when you think back to those nice words, like you are 100% safe and accepted. Then some things happen and they are gone. They are totally different persons. I fear we will never find out the exact reason why they broke up. And that is one of the worst feelings.

Rationally, what would we gain if we knew why they broke up? I think not very much. In my case I know some reasons, but she never gave a real chance to defend and explain myself. In your case if he tells you, you want to defend yourself. But they chose to not give us a chance at defending ourselves. And that’s the point: We can be totally right…they just don’t care anymore.

I’m sorry for this sad post.

12

Nightly,

Its extremely hard to accept but its fact…and they just don’t care anymore. I am sure he is not going to come back as he has burned all the bridges, but deep down somewhere, there is a little flame of hope that may be he will realize his mistake one day and will try to contact me back, but practically, its not gonna happen :slight_smile:

13

Sana, I felt your pain too. He is not worth the guy to be love by you. I myself currently having the same situation, he left. Fuck that shit guy!

14

Thanks Paris,

I wish those guys would ever realize what they have done to us, i just wish…
We need to be realistic in this situation. Its quite hard, but we need to do this, its the only choice for us to be strong without any regret.

I have a very little hope that he would contact back after 30 days of NC, but if he wouldn’t, i am hopeful at that time i would be able to move on with my life.

15

Hello Daba I really want to know what happened after that ? Because I’m going trough this right now he’s says he hates me and bloked me from everywhere and I’m using other numbers to contact him still he saying I hate you stay away from me that’s all what I want don’t contact me again !! So I really want to know what happened after that ??