My boyfriend over 8 years told med that he had lost feelings for me and was not sure if he wanted to go the same direction as me (e.g soon 30 and want to get married, and after some time kids).
We hade a break over 1.5 months with sporadic contact, e.g. 1 - 3 times a week, and saw each other a few times. We have not argued at all - but we both think it is very sad.
So this has been hell for me and I just told him that I cannot take it anymore, and we decided to break - up and sell the apartment. He cries and tell me that I am the best he is ever going to get and so on, but he cannot make up his mind on what he wants (he says he is 50 / 50 on wanting to be alone and to come home and propose to me - ehh confusing).
So we saw each other yesterday to resolve who is going to take witch furniture and so on, he will be moving out next week for good.
Problem for me is that he also told me that he has been thinking a lot about me and that he has me very deep in his heart. I feel lik dont tell me this and also want to break up, choose!
Now I am terrified for the next week it is going to be hard - I have a lot of emotions and feeling confused.
Is he going to find another girl?
He has been my life for 8 years - I just want him
Does he actuallyy just not want to be with me?
Do I want to be with him - if he makes me feel so unwanted like this?
What will the future bring - will we get back together
When will I feel normal - I have not been excited for weekend for almost 2 months, that is a horrible feeling I just want to feel better, I am tired and sad - we where supposed to be a team and now it is just me. He wants to help mw with our dog moving forward, and he is the one sending a LOT of snaps and some messages all the time - I do not, have maybe sent 4 -6 messages in total this period, and no meltdown.
He sounds like someone afraid of commitment, specifically committing to have the kind of life you want where he is married, has a family and the rest.
It sounds like he wants a life with you but can’t commit to that kind of life. Basically forcing him to make decision is likely the right thing for you to do. He obviously isn’t 100% against the idea of being married and having kids or he would have broken things off completely and not wanted to talk about it. He is having a problem committing to the idea.
So, I think what you have done is correct. Is he going to find another girl? Could happen. Maybe he would have a rebound relationship. Maybe you will have a rebound relationship (even though you might think it won’t happen).
Does he not want to be with you? I don’t think that’s the issue. It sounds like a commitment issue.
Do you want to be with him? Obviously. But he needs to make a decision.
I think you should just go forward with the split and no contact. He needs to make a decision. You’ve made your decision. He needs to see what life would be like without you. You’ve obviously made a decision that you want commitment in a relationship or you wouldn’t be where you are now. So, you can’t live with a long term relationship going forward with out. He needs to decides whether he can make that commitment or not.
@mgm - If he is older and has kids already or doesn’t ever want to be married to you, I can understand that he dumped you in order for you to fulfill your dream of marriage and kids. It also sounds like he’s confused if he wants to spend the rest of his life together with you. Help him make up his mind by not contacting him after he picks up his things over the weekend! Decide who gets custody of the dog for a few months while he figures out what he wants. It seems he doesn’t want to be with you and might date other girls or maybe not. No, you don’t want to be with him while he is in the current frame of mind! Don’t see him and don’t contact him. Don’t answer any “small talk” emails unless he decides he wants you. I’m very sorry for your situation and after 8 years together it must be heartbreaking for you! It will hurt for a long time, maybe years. If the only reason for his indecision is that he’s confused and scared of a longer term commitment such as marriage, he might change his mind, but he needs to know what it feels like without you!
Do the best you can under the circumstances. I know you’re sad, but try not to dwell on it. Enjoy your life without him right now. Spend more time with friends and family. Wishing you the best…
He is getting all his things tomorrow, and we are signing the contract for the apartment.
It is really sad, but I am so tired of the situation now - so it will be good to just have something concrete to work with, now we have decided to end things.
Will not speak to him nor meet him for a while - he will be coming over to get the sofa from the apartment in 5 weeks.
I have hidden his feed from Facebook - so I do not see anything from him, also all of hos friends and family. I also deleted him on snap + his friends yesterday.
Saw his mom today because she had the dog this Saturday - she wants to keep contact and stay friends. I think it is fine, just not tu much in the beginning.
This week is going to be hard…
I am renovation the apartment in 4 weeks so I feel like it is mine not ours.
Still not sure how he feels… saw him on Thursday and he said that he was this close to pulling the plug and say stop to the process. but we agreed to go through with it anyway since so much has happened. He said to me that I was “babymama” material, and started talking about the backyard in our apartment building (it has just been renovated) that it will be great to have kids there… I think it is very weird to say stuff like that and not know what you want?
You’re really a strong person and are sticking up for something you need even though it hurts. 8 years is a really long time. His comment about kids, again, makes it seems like he doesn’t know what he wants or what he can commit to.
It sounds like he wants to say he could do that (have kids) but then won’t make any commitment toward it. It is interesting to hear that he said he was “close to pulling the plug and stopping the process” as if it was only his decision about what to do. Does he think he can just say “Ok, I’ll do this” and you’ll come running after him even though he created this whole situation himself?
Thank you - it is a hard day today. But overall I cannot keep going on with not knowing, he needs to make a decision and he could not so i made it for him.
I probably think that he feels like you say that he is in charge of the decision, but he also know that this is not an option any more.
He is picking me up after work today and we will go to the lawyer to sign the contract saying that I own the apartment now. The weirdest thing also happened - we texted back and forward regarding him moving the things out today, and he said that he had a present to me (he was sin Poland this weekend). I do not understand what he think and mean about everything, why would you buy your soon to be ex a gift omg… most confusing situation ever.
I just want to feel better, I am tired and sad - we where supposed to be a team and now it is just me. He wants to help mw with our dog moving forward, and he is the one sending a LOT of snaps and some messages all the time - I do not, have maybe sent 4 -6 messages in total this period, and no meltdown.