He keeps coming back during NC

no-contact-rule
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Good Morning,

I am currently NC with my ex-fiance (we were together for 4 years and he dumped me on Oct 10th citing that he just doesn’t know what he wants anymore). I am struggling to keep up NC because I still see him about every other week in the presence of mutual friends at various parties (gotta love the holiday season). Every time I see him, he reels me back in with talk of regret for leaving me. In these moments, he asserts that he loves and misses me and knows he made a mistake. This his happened twice over the last 2 months that we’ve been apart. Each time, I (foolishly) let him back in. Each time he tells me the next day that he reached to me out of weakness and that he still doesn’t want “us”. The last relapse occurred on Nov 13th. He made a grand apology speech, we embraced and kissed and the next day he apologized for “not controlling” himself and said he still wants to be done. 2 weeks later he has a new girlfriend that he introduced to his family as “She’s kind of my girlfrind, I guess. I don’t know.” All of this has left me with many questions that I want answered, I have kept them in for the last 2 weeks since going NC but they are nagging at me (Why does he keep pulling and pushing? Is the new girlfriend a rebound or the reason he pushes me away? Etc). I feel like I need answers now to prevent another foolish relapse next time I see him. I know he will reach out to me again when we are in the same room. I don’t know how to find the resolve to avoid giving in again and again. Each time I give in, NC and my personal healing start back at square one (by the way, bought the system, love the worksheets). I want him back but I want him back for real, not as a knee-jerk reaction to seeing me that he “regrets” the next day. Am I crazy?

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@jedimasterme - Men think long and hard before actually deciding to take the final step into marriage. Sometimes they’re not sure and become confused thinking there might be someone else who would be more compatible. If he “reeled you back in” when he was inebriated, it might have been because his inhibitions were lowered. Thus the push pull effect. But I’m sure he was honest when he said he misses you! Four years in a relationship has to have left him with many good memories and I guarantee he will think about them. The new girl is most likely a rebound, but I’m curious as to how you know he introduced them to his parents as “kind of a girlfriend”. No contact would help him clear his mind and maybe consider reuniting with you. Perhaps you could skip going to a couple of the parties if you know he will be attending. Only time apart will give him the chance to discover for himself if he regrets breaking up with you and wants to reconcile. This must be so heart breaking for you! Don’t contact him and try not to make it so easy for him to pull you aside when he sees you at a party. Your trust in him has been broken and the only way to get it back is if he comes to you with sincere assurance, apologizes for the hurt he’s caused, discusses what went wrong, and ways he will make you happy again in a committed relationship. Don’t settle for any less than that! I’m wishing you all the best…