Sparky. There are steps to follow. You have done your NC and now you have made a somewhat friendly relationship with your ex. You at least speak. That’s great.
But there are certain types of communication when exes interact that are not healthy and do nothing for the dumpees. I recommend 90 days to the cases where the interaction with the ex is toxic and doesn’t allow for real change.
Ive promoted false friendship a lot. I even went into false friendship. But in my case I hadn’t given a healthy dose of NC and my ex was sending mixed signals. She was getting tye attachment/bond feeling from me while getting the new exciting bliss feelings from her new girl and attributed all her happiness to her rebound. She had no idea what it would be like without me. So I stopped false friendship and went cold NC. Working on myself. Still sad but not chasing and I dont plan on speaking with my ex for around a year.
Point being, false friendship will not work in some cases. That’s just how it is. Some exes need to know that the person isnt a doormat that they can change into a blanky whenever they choose.
Also, the length of NC is better determined by looking at the breakup, the actions and words of the ex after the breakup, the dumpee’s emotional state, and whether or not previous NC periods have made an impact, if NC had been used.
Here is something interesting I read.
I read that depending on the situation, being in contact with an ex while they pursue others lets them experience less sadness and pain of the breakup. Thus allowing them to move on smoother.
Another thing I read was that in some cases NC over a long period of time makes it easier to move on for both people.
Then, in other articles ‘experts’ state that just because NC is used and an ex moves on…doesn’t mean we can’t try to rekindle in the future. And if it was a horrible relationship or breakup, 6 months is recommended.
It is individual specific and only each person knows their ex. Each person knows what they can handle. And each person has to determine, regardless of advice, what is best for them.
There are so many recommended periods of NC. And then you have experts that say don’t NC at all.
We only offer advice based on what we are given amd our own experience.
But I do believe if there are high emotions and you find yourself panicked and obsessing. At least go 30 days. 90 days for extreme cases. And longer if youve tried and tried and tried (like me) but they want to “explore” even though they love you like crazy and say you soothe your soul.