Giving up finally...

[b86]

Hi, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I have given it 5 months time. I did 3 series of NC. I’ve sent her the magic letter, a pencil drawing, flowers, some apologies, congratulated her on the new job… I know it’s not exactly what Kevin suggests. But now I know nothing would do the trick anyway. In all this time I received no reply from her, expect for a mail of humiliation, telling me to literally f**k off.

She has unblocked me on fb, I sent her a friend request, which a couple of days later, she denied. Still don’t understand why she would unblock me in the first place…

Saw numerous photos and quotes on Instagram, thought they were meant for me, apparently they weren’t. The latest was her selfie, under which she wrote: “Every time I trust somebody, they show me why I shouldn’t.” From what I’ve heard she had a new bf. He broke her heart or whatever… I know it wasn’t a rebound, because she isn’t the type to get involved with someone, unless she thinks it’s for real. So now I’m her ex-ex bf…

Her birthday is coming up in a week, I won’t send her anything, not even a text.

I love her and I hope we both find happiness. But I’m done with trying for her.

I will update my status if anything changes, though I’m pretty sure nothing will.

Wish you all a nice weekend.

[kaila]

I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve it. She didn’t even thanked you for the gifts. Do that, she doesn’t deserve you giving her any more attention. I hope you get stronger and stronger everyday, and be happy! Don’t “find” happiness. It comes from within

But in terms of a happy relationship, yeah. you will find it I’m sure. You seem like a loving guy. The right person will love and cherish you for that. Don’t let this bring you or your confidence down. What happened, happened, and now she is the one ruining it all. It’s about her not you

[b86]

Hey kaila. Thank you for your kind words

Well, all in all, she is a wonderful woman. And I still believe she’s the love of my life, at least I haven’t met anyone like her yet. That’s why I tried to show her how much I cared for her. I’m not perfect, I know that, but on the other hand, neither is she or anyone else. We all have our demons and problems, and I embraced her for what she was. The good days and the bad days, the mistakes etc. She just didn’t feel the same…

It’s a shame, because we were great together. And it’s so hard for me to explain why I still care for her so much. She changed her profile picture on fb, in which she is sitting on a dock on the lake, looking into the distance. I just wish I could sit next to her, squeeze her hand and hold her next to me, and just whisper in her ear that everything is ok and that I’m always there for her. Does it even make sense, how can I still feel this way after everything she said to me :(? Only now I trully realize just how much I love her. I only want her to be happy Even if with someone eolse.

And I guess it doesn’t hurt so much that she doesn’t want to be with me. It just hurts that she thinks I’m such a bad person. And it’s a shame, she will never understand how important she was (and is) to me

[oshi]

You should feel good about yourself that you’ve tried your best and know that there is nothing more you can do about it. It’s better than giving up right from the start.
You really sound like a nice person and it’s her fault for not seeing it. You shouldn’t regret anything you’ve done. You know that you’ve done everything you could and you should feel good about yourself

[b86]

Hey Oshi,

Thank you It means a lot hearing something good from people who understand what it feels like to really love someone and then lose them.

And it’s true, I really did try my best. I can’t do more than that, doesn’t matter how much I would like to. I guess by giving up, I can only respect her decision to let it be and just move on already, leave her alone. It’s been tough for me the past five months. When I look back, I really didn’t follow much of Kevin’s plan, about feeling better about myself first Emotions are kinda tricky like that…

I’ll try to remind myself daily to just remember the good times we had and learn from any mistakes I’ve made, then just try my best not to repeat them with the next girl I meet.

Thanks again, I wish each and everyone on this site that their plans to get back their ex, goes as smooth as possible

[phonis]

hey man I’m not actually sure its over yet! kevins method isn’t exactly for every girl… certain ones u need to do a lot longer NC and let them comeback to you after they’ve realized what they’re missing out on. i know this might be challenging but NC her for a good few months and see if she starts coming back to you again! in the mean time you can try to move on and meet other people if you choose! for certain types like hopeless romantics if you had a good relationship then a lot of times they’ll comeback!

[phonis]

and i know you said he isn’t the type to rebound but i think her last relationship was dude. Just because she is the type not to get involved unless its for real but its possible and likely she didn’t even know it was a rebound! let her be for a while, see what happens!

[b86]

Hey Phonis

Well, that’s what I plan to do. Just leave her alone and see where it goes from there. I definitely don’t want to get my hopes up with her though… I’ll focus on myself, and just do something nice for myself for a change.

And who knows, maybe you’re right. Maybe in time she’ll realize what she left behind, after there will be no further contact from me. Everything I experienced with her means the world to me. And you know, despite how she denies it, deep inside I know it also means something to her. Only time will tell if that’s enough.

Anyway, I will let her initiate the first contact… I’ve done enough at this point

[phonis]

exactly! everything you said is what you should do!

[jasminka86]

I am surr she is subconciously comparing the two of you… And by time she will realise you were a better person. The problems in her relationship will emerge…
Sometimes you have to try the bitter taste to appreciate the sweet taste…
I agree with your plan though. Go on with your life and see how things will happen.
Good luck, hope all you wish comes true…

[b86]

Thank you dear. We all have so much in common on this site, feels good to know none of us is alone.

I think the best way to go through this, is to just stop worrying and analyzing her behavior. Because looking at her posts and trying to understand them is not a good idea at all. Only she knows what she feels like, and what everything she posts on social networks really means.

I really hope that your wishes come true as well Every person deserves love <3

[kalicooldude]

Just my 2 cents : Do NC and delete your facebook,whatsapp,instagram and focus on yourself…

She will be back in 90 days or less,if she won’t than she never loved you.

It will help you to move on with life. Even though saying is easy but I know its very hard thing to do.

But don’t loose hope… wish you most and more

[b86]

Hey kalicooldude,

Well I actually only have a facebook account, I occasionally check her Instagram account, because she has it on public view. I think what everyone says is really true - your ex is like a drug to you. You think you need them, but in reality you’re just hurting yourself, because you’re addicted to them.

And I just wanna share something. This weekend was one big pack of lol’s, it’s all just getting ridicilous - I sent her a fb friend request a couple of days ago, after she unblocked me (after more than 3 months). She waited a couple of days, then denied it. Friday evening I was checking her profile, and I accidentaly clicked “Add Friend”. I deleted the request immediately, but I think she still received the notification on her e-mail. Then, sunday morning I woke up, and I saw she also sent me a friend request, but deleted it. I know it was by accident, but on the other hand it means she was checking my profile at 1 a.m. in the morning. Then yesterday I saw her new bf (or new ex-bf, whatever) liked one of her photos and she liked his in return.

I think Jasminka86 was right, she is comparing the two of us in her mind, and it’s starting to look like I’m her backup if it doesn’t work out with the new guy. To tell you the truth, it’s starting to get on my nerves, she is playing games. Posting quotes, liking them… I don’t know what to think anymore, some days I want her back, other days I wish I could just get her out of my mind. I know I hurt her, but never in the way she hurt me back. And the difference is that I apologized for everything and tried to make up for it because I cared, she on the other hand never really cared at all.

I don’t really know if it’s a good idea for us to get back together, even if it were to happen She has issues, and I can’t resolve them for her. She needs to do that herself. And if it takes too long, she is going to loose me. Maybe she even doesn’t realize that yet… If we were to ever get back together, it’s going to be under my terms as well!

Time to move on with my life for now. Thanks kalicooldude, best wishes to you too

[kalicooldude]

You still have feelings for her,that is the reason you explained so much in detail.And I know the feeling very well.

Leave this on time it will either heal or will bring her back. So leave it on time and focus on yourself.

But don’t stop caring and don’t become cocky.You will be fine after sometime,she will sure check on you,once you become invisible for sometime.

Just go underground for 90 days and trust me on this.No facebook no instragram or no social media at all.

[b86]

Of course I still have feelings for her. I didn’t mean to come out cold in my last response. I love her with all my heart, but it’s just getting so hard for me now. We already broke up once before, had a nasty fight, but we started hanging out after about two weeks, and less than two weeks into that, we got back together. And the bond felt stronger than ever.

But now it’s different. It’s been 5 months of trying and waiting, and now there’s a new guy in the picture.

I love her. That’s just about the only thing I’m sure of. But it’s very hard to wait for someone to change their mind or at least show that they care about losing you. With her I’m just not sure anymore, her actions are confusing the hell out of me.

I know you mean well, and I’ll follow your advice. Thank you! My mind is still cloudy because of everything, and someone else’s point of view definitely helps. My emotions are still screwing with me…

Thanks again, I’ll be sure to update my situation

[b86]

Well, I said I would update my situation. So here it is…

Today was her birthday. I sent her a birthday text message, very simple and very short. Then I sent her a fb friend request. I know I shouldn’t have, but I gave in. Well, this time she confirmed it. Surprisingly…

Anyway, first thing I saw were a couple of pictures on her timeline, of a birthday present she gave to a guy a couple of days ago (not sure if only a friend, but I’m pretty sure he’s something more - the “new” ex). Very personal, something she baked and it was gift-wraped in a personalized paper foil with his name and his truck type on it (he’s a truck driver). Which makes me wonder - considering he’s from a city about 40 miles away, and is constantly on the road… How the hell did she commit to him so fast!?

Now, I am not going to analyze anything, but maybe she even confirmed my request only so that I could see the gift she made. The weird thing is, she also hasn’t removed some of the pictures we took together, they’re still on her profile.

I want to do this right! I haven’t contacted her yet, and even if I do, I will not mention the new guy or talk about him in anyway (assuming she would even answer me if I initiated contact).

So the main question I have now is: how DO I initiate contact? What can I even say after the last time I wrote her, and she called every name she could think of?

Does anyone have any ideas? Please.

[lizgrim]

Ask her to come have coffee with you. Tell her you’ve got something going on in your life and you would love to tell her about it. Be nice and genuine. Don’t try to say a single thing about how you miss her/love her or how you wish you could have a relationship. Just act like a friend. She obviously is softening up to you if she would confirm the request. Don’t pressure her into it. Throw the offer out there and let her think it’s all her idea to come to coffee/lunch.

[b86]

@kaila
@Oshi
@Phonis
@Jasminka86
@kalicooldude
@lizgrim

Well, this is what I decided to do this morning, sorry for the long post.

1. I sent her a message of peace offering;
2. She asked me what I want from her;
3. I explained how sorry I am about the way things went down. I told her that I only want her to be happy and I don’t want to stand in the way of her happiness. I also said our memories still mean a lot to me;
4. She responded and asked me if I want to be her friend or something? She followed that up by telling me it wouldn’t be a good idea, because it would end up hurting me, as she has a new man in her life now… I think she rubbed that in quite a bit;
5. I answered her that it wouldn’t affect me. I said I have tried absolutely everything I could to save our relationship and nothing worked. I said that I have now accepted our breakup and I only wish her happiness and I wouldn’t stand between her and the new guy. I wasn’t rude or anything, I acted very politely and I was calm;
6. Then… She got angry. She said that I annoyed her and she could never be friends with me. She told me to get a life already, go out and just forget her. She said that I have absolutely NO CHANCE with her anymore! (even though I never mentioned us getting back together in the first place)

Then she unfriended me. A couple of minutes later she sent me a new friend request. Then a couple of minutes later she deleted the request and decided to block me again.

Anyway, I think she was surprised by the way I reacted when she mentioned she has a new man in her life. I suppose she thought I would be begging or crying.

I think I reacted in a gentleman-like way, I was polite and wished her luck. I tried to reach out with my hand to at least be friends. I can’t do anything more now. I hope she will be happy with the new guy, but somehow I don’t think it will work out. He’s on the road constantly, so she’s in love with him now, because they don’t see each other too often, so it gets hot and steamy when they do. We, on the other hand, practically lived together and hung out constantly. I could be wrong on the other hand though, I don’t really want to worry about it anymore…

Sorry everyone, this is starting to look like a screenplay for some cheesy soap opera. I am going to leave her alone now. My doors are open, but my NC will be permanent, unless she breaks it first. I will either get her back or heal my heart. Either way I’ll survive

Thanks for everything guys, your love and help on troubled days. Love you all <3

[oshi]

You did your best, don’t blame yourself for anything. I think you’ve acted like a gentleman and did nothing wrong. It’s her fault for acting like this.
And you’re right, you will either get her back eventually or heal your heart. I think the best thing to do right now as you said would be to stop contact with her. I believe she’d eventually regret it but then it will be your choice whether to get back together or not. Stay strong! I believe things would turn out fine.

[b86]

@Oshi

Yeah, you’re right, that’s the most important part - I have to stop blaming myself for everything.

I’ll stay strong this time I feel pretty good because I really did do my best and when it didn’t work I still wished her luck. So I guess I am at peace, and whatever happens will happen…

Thank you, best of wishes to u 2