Getting back my girlfriend after i cheated

reconciliation
1

I was in relationship with my girlfriend since last 4 years. Our relationship started at the end of my school life. After two months i went to college. Then we were in long distance relationship. I used to meet her in 1-2 months. In my 2nd semester i met a girl in my class and after sometime we became friends. We used to talk on phone and chat. After 1 year in 4th semester i proposed that girl even though i was committed already. I don’t know how i did that. After two months i realised that i am going on a wrong path. I only love my girlfriend and how could i do that to her. I tried to break up with that new girl but she cried and got hurted so much because of me. I am a sensitive guy for every person. So I thought to get back to that new girl and then i will give her a reason in sometime so that she can forget me and break up. But this didn’t happen. I didn’t had the courage to tell my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I stayed quiet. I maintained distance for last two years from that new girl. It was a one sided relationship.

Last month i told the new girl that i am in a relationship already with someone else after she provoked me. That time new girl told me that she will not tell my girlfriend anything about this. But after 15 days she called my girlfriend and told her everything in detail. I know i have done most horrible mistake and it cant be forgiven. But i realise i love only my girlfriend and i want her back. The day my girlfriend knew the truth i tried to apologize so many times. I don’t know how to get her back. Please tell me something i can do.

2

Cheating on your gf and then trying to get her back is the hardest thing in the world - sorry for sounding harsh here. It’s impossible for her to trust you anymore and she is not to blame. Don’t pin your hopes on this, the probability of her getting back with you is extremely low and even if she does it, it wont last because the feelings of hurt and betrayal will be around forever. I know a couple with a similar story like yours - they managed to get back together after an NC of 7 years. And then they stayed together just for 2 years before they broke up again. Now they are in serious relationships with other people.

As hard as this sounds, I would suggest you to use the NC to help you move on with your life.

3

I dont know what to do. its been more than a month. i texted her after the breakup 3-4 times telling her about how am i doing and learning new things and getting better. this one month has been worst time i have ever faced. i cant imagine how much pain she must be enduring because of me. my friend met her and she told him that she is still upset with my cheating and there is no chance of getting back together. i am so much emotionally attached to her that even in one months also i not feeling better about anything. i have started the no contact and its been 15 days. i am trying to move and accept the truth that she is never coming back. but i am finding difficulty to forgive myself for this horrible mistake. there is not a hope anywhere for me. i am feeling so much depressed. there is no one with whom i can share anything. I want a second chance but i cant. i am unable to focus on my studies. i dont have any clue what to do. please help

4

Hey man,

I’m going through almost the exact same thing right now. We were together for about 4 years, I messed up and cheated, and now I can’t forgive myself and move forward. It’s been about 2 weeks since she broke up with me. She said she never wants to hear from me or see me ever again.

I’m dealing with anxiety/depression at the same time, but thankfully I’ve already started going to weekly therapy sessions and have been going for the past 3 months. The last couple of days have been better for me. At first it was hell…suicidal thoughts, feeling like a horrible person for hurting someone I love. But now I’m slowly climbing out of this hole, because I have no other choice. No Contact actually seems like a possibility at this point (I went 5 days NC, then failed a couple of days, now I’m back to giving her the space she needs).

I’m not going to give you “advice” because we’re all different, and I’m going through the same thing. I’m just presenting my personal plan, and hey, maybe you’ll buy into my idea and we’ll get through this.

Plan:

First we gotta realize that people make mistakes. We made a mistake and will learn from this. We can either allow us to pity ourselves for something we got ourselves into, or we can learn from this and become better people.

Next, we can realize that we can’t love anyone before we love ourselves. I don’t know if this applies to you particularly, but for me I realized that I didn’t love myself. How can I love somebody else if I don’t love myself? Don’t get me wrong, I did love her, the feeling was there, but the actual act of love is missing when we don’t love ourselves. That’s part of the reason we cheated. I’m using this time to reflect on that and learn to love myself. I encourage you to reflect upon yourself and you’ll figure something similar out.

Next, we need to grind out our lives right now. We need DISTRACTIONS. For me, it’s not easy to distract myself from this hurt. I had to create a plan. I wrote down goals for myself for the next three months: fitness, work, school, family, I included all areas of my life. Even trustworthiness–I want to become a more trustworthy person. We can’t move forward without a plan.

Then the ultimate thing we must do is: use the feelings of regret, hurt, self-hate, panic, etc, etc. and TURN that into ENERGY. Even when we feel like laying in bed and crying, we can’t, we have to get up and fight. I’ve been working out 2-3 hours the past few days. I’ve been studying for long times and have been giving work my all. She’s the reason I’m going all out…because no matter what happens, my love for her is driving me to become a better person. She might hear about the new me and come back, BUT if she doesn’t…what do I have to fall back on? Hell, if I keep it up, what I’ll have to fall back on is a hot bod, lots of money, and an established career…

Not bad, right?

Hear me out man…we can do this.

5

Really thanks for your plans and advice. I actually think we are not in that much different situation. I have started to do the no contact and trying to move on harder than before. I dont know what will happen in future or she will come back or not, but i am more concerned of my career and expectations of my parents right now. i am also trying to concentrate more on my studies. I am a student that is why i dont have any time to go for therapy session but i wanted to go because it is getting difficult to overcome this guilt and loss by my own. but anyhow i am doing it. trying to be a better person and learning to love myself first. i agree with all the reasons that you given for committing this horrible mistake. I really want her back but i know that chances of getting her back is like finding a pin in a haystack. Although thank you very much for your views on this and we will get through this together.