Friends with Benefits. Every guys dream eh…? Not always! How do you get past a “friends with benefits” stage with your ex? I haven’t seen an email from Kevin that talks about this yet. Is this not a normal stage?
How we got here:
My girlfriend and I broke up 4 weeks ago after 3 years together. I started NC the day of the breakup, and 2 weeks later she contacted me. I was too weak to ignore her and ended up calling her back. Our 3 hour conversation started with something along the lines of “the breakup was for the best and we both need space” and ended with something like “maybe you should come over tonight, and we can go back to giving each other space tomorrow.” So of course I went over to her place. It was 1AM at that point, so we both knew what was going to happen. That night was actually pretty amazing, and continued into the next morning.
I actually stuck to the “giving each other space” part of the deal, but she ended up contacting me again the following day. She asked if we could get together on Friday and talk. I agreed, and we talked on the phone that night until we went to bed. We continued to talk on the phone for the next 4 nights until Friday came around. I went over to her place, and she was reluctant to talk (even though this was her idea). I didn’t push her, but eventually we talked and she gave me the dreaded, “I think I just want to be friends” line. I didn’t tell her I wanted otherwise, and said I was fine with that. We started watching a movie, then 30 minutes later started making out, and shortly after that went to the bedroom and slept together again. The next morning wasn’t awkward at all, and she always acts like she doesn’t want me to leave (but I always do because I have a dog at home). While we were in bed I made the comment that this technically makes us “Friends with Benefits”, to which she agreed.
Later that day her class was let out early due to snow, and she called and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. I ended up going, and afterwards she invited me to her place again. It didn’t take long before we had sex once again, and I ended up spending the night again. I went home the next morning, and we text all day and talked on the phone before bed.
I am never the one to initiate anything since the breakup. She is always the one to call or text me. The next day (Monday) I didn’t hear from her, but I wasn’t worried (after-all, FWB’s don’t talk everyday do they?). The next text I got from her was Tuesday night, asking if I was still alive. We ended up talking on the phone that night, where she made the comment that the phone works both ways. We talked every night that week (this was last week) and made plans to go out on Friday.
On Friday I took her to her favorite fine dining restaurant. She made a comment while we were there that assured me what she wanted to happen when we got back to her place, and I made sure that’s what happened. I have to say that the sex is better than ever, and it’s making me fall in love with her even more.
The next day she called me on her way home from class and asked me to come over. I still needed to shower, so at first I declined. After taking a shower I ended up calling her back and went over to her place around 10:30. She ended up falling asleep in my lap while watching a movie, and we went to bed shortly after without engaging in any other activities. This was the first night we slept together since the breakup without having sex (not that I didn’t want to). The next day (which was yesterday) was like any other day. I went home in the morning, and we text and talked on the phone before bed.
Am I missing something here? Is she just using me until something better comes along? I have thought about going back to no contact for a while, but I don’t want to miss out on the awesome time we’ve been having. Any girls here that can give me an idea of what’s going through her head? I really want to get past this. By the way I am 100% sure she isn’t seeing somebody else, although I did see some emails from an online dating website (your matches for the day kind of thing) in her deleted items folder while I was helping her with her computer. This could have been from the first 2 weeks of NC, or it could have been recent (I don’t know, I didn’t ask).
My options as I see them:
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Be patient. She obviously still has feeling for me, but she is confused because only a month ago I was in a major slump and was probably very unattractive. She wants to be sure the feelings are genuine before she commits to another relationship.
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Go back to no contact. She was feeling lonely due to the breakup, and she is using me to help her through this period. No contact was working for me, but I gave in too early. I should stay strong for a full 30 days to see if she realizes what she’s missing out on.
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Start dating somebody else, but stay in touch. Since we are technically just friends with benefits, I am free to date whoever I want. Dating somebody else might make her realize that she wants a commitment.
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Move on. I know I can find somebody else that I can be happy with. I just want to make sure I’m not throwing away a 3 year relationship for nothing. I am 30 years old and ready to get married and have a family. I don’t want to start having kids too late, so I need to be careful before making this decision. What if my next relationship ends after 3 years as well?