I should have re-read the 5 steps and the rebound article again before allowing my emotions to show and control me. I know I will have to let them be, and will need to wait a while before initiating anything again. I feel like I had beenmaking great progress, but obviously something went wrong if she chose to enter a rebound relationship. She was confused and she’s trying to move on. But at the same time I needed to let her know what she was doing hurt and was not ok. Maybe i should explain myself more specifically to her and then continue with the NC
There’s no need to explain yourself more specifically! She already knows how you feel and what you want. Just continue no contact indefinitely… No need to initiate anything! She’s with someone else and has little regard for what you think or how you feel. Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s the sad truth. Try to stay away from Facebook and don’t post anymore sad stuff. I’m sorry about what you’re going through, but in time things will get better and the sadness will fade. Continue to focus on your business and the good life you have:)
If you want her back please follow Patricias advices. You are right about her just giving it a try at moving on. We all know she will definitely move on if you keep giving her ego boosts and explaining anything to her. Right now she shouldn’t even know you are thinking about her and that it hurt you bad. Here is an idea you can tell us your feelings instead of her. In the other hand if you want her to move on and forget you, just keep doing what your doing. Maybe one day you will realize that you are driving her away.
My words sound harsh but I believe you are getting out of control. Since I first came to this board I said Scotch knows what he is doing. I even thought you got back with her. I see you didn’t, but there is still hope for the future. Maybe one day life will get you back together. Let time speak. Don’t overwhelm your ex with your sad feelings. She is also a human and she has feelings. Don’t stress her out or you will never hear from her again.
Well, admittedly I am posting more on here to you guys than anything else. And in being honest im sure my confusion, stress, and pain are showing through. Im sure she knows how I feel too. But I haven’t said anything more to her than that “goodbye” and dont plan to talk to her for 30 more days unless contacted. Since we drive past eachother and see eachother so regularly, I will probably start waving again. If you think it would help at all, I can respond to her, apologizing for my reaction and continue with the NC. Its probably best to just let it be though. I’ll be out of town soon for most of the summer fishing. Maybe the summer is the time we need apart.
Thinking about the timing of things, I did go out with another girl once as per Kevin’s article advice. It only made me want my ex back more. She may have seen us and decided to move forward with the rebound because of that. I feel bad questioning things now because I thought it was all working and going well too.
I appreciate the straight forward responses btw. I think I did lose focus. I stopped being calm and cool.
She and I are both sensetive people when it comes to this stuff. And she’s already very stressed with work. I need to be the one she can look to for hapiness, not another stressor. I know her well and can handle her emotions unlike the rebound guy. And even an idiot like him must have some sort of regret for leaving his gf and kids and doing this so quickly. All that should complicate things with them.
I just need to breathe, calm myself, and refocus.
Thanks you two. I really have noone else to talk to.
That sounds like a good idea. Apologize for your reaction and start NC for a while. Im sure even two weeks will get you back on track. If I were you, I wouldn’t be afraid of the new guy. Im sure he will end up with his ex again.
I respectfully disagree with leidy … You don’t owe your ex an apology for anything! And Kevin’s advice about dating others is NOT a good idea so soon after a breakup. Most often I’ve read where the one who was dumped feels badly after a date with someone else, comparing the two or wishing they were with the ex. Lots of time needs to pass before dating so the hurt feelings have subsided somewhat… Some date others to try and make the ex jealous, which also backfires. If you’re intentionally passing your ex, stop it. Do what you can to avoid her. Go out on your summer fishing job and focus on that. Don’t contact your ex under any circumstances! Until she leaves her new lover, there is NOTHING to talk about!
Apologizing after what she’s done to you will make you look foolish. Don’t do it!
I agree. I didn’t apologize for anything.
Her cousin and I have been talking quite a bit. She suggested that I shouldn’t have stopped talking to her by closing things off just like that though. That if and when things go bad with this guy, she’ll most likely call me. So I responded shortly, just saying ill be fine. And that I wish her the best always, too.
Now I’m going absolute no contact.
Patricia, initially, reading through your posts in different threads, I thought you were sometimes very blunt, and contradicted a lot of what Kevin wrote. But you seem to have a lot of experience and I really appreciate your input now. Kevin is just one person, and his advice is not absolute. All of this is so tricky, with no guarantees. Thank you. Thank you leidy too. I probably wont post much in this thread for a bit, because I’m not planing on pushing any much further for a little bit. At least until after a bit of NC and hopefully this rebound falls a part.
I think it’s good that you briefly responded by wishing her the best always too. But I stand by what I said in the previous post; Until she leaves her new lover, there is NOTHING to talk about! She knows you’re hurting and she knows you want her back. I wish you luck and hope you update us if anything new develops.
It hurts so much more having tried and probably failed. Second guessing everything. If only i had timed thibgs better and not followed everythint precisely
Hey Scotch cheer up. Everything will get better, I swear. If you guys are meant to be together, you will end up together. You had to get close to her and try even though you failed.
Have you thought of getting a new hobby to keep busy?