Hi all!
So Iv been doing really good, it’s been 8 weeks since the break up, I did NC for 5 weeks then we met up for coffee, which went well, then back to NC for the last 2 weeks…
I was feeling really strong and happy, so was pretty excited when I got a date with a guy I’d been chatting to! Anyway, this date was last night and it was lovely… He was nice, funny, charming! But I came home feeling so deflated and missing my ex so much!
I know it’s only been one date but I just immediately noticed we lacked that thing me and my ex had, and I don’t know how to find it again!
I’m dying to speak to my ex, I really miss him, but I know it’s for the best not to… 
I don’t really know what I’m hoping for from everyone reading this, just see if it’s normal I guess and what others learnt from it? Any advice also welcome!
x
you said you did 5 weeks NC then met your ex for coffee and it went well… but then you guys stopped talking? confused lol
Yes it went well…? That doesn’t mean we instantly got back together… We had a catch up and both said it was nice to see each other, but he hasn’t been in touch since and I’ve left the ball in his court… I don’t want to seem like I’m putting pressure on…
ahh okay thats what i was wondering lol cause u said you really miss him but you met up with him and i thought maybe you’d pursue it? i mean leaving the ball in his court might not be a bad idea i guess. As for your date, I’m thinking maybe you noticed he lacked things because you still miss your ex? me and my ex broke up 2 and a half months ago and i finally just kinda feel like I’ve moved on within the last week or 2 and all of a sudden i don’t feel like women lack the things i once thought anymore, i see more clearly. so what I’m trying to say is maybe he’s not what you think he is, and maybe you’re not ready to date yet! i know kevin says go out on a date but not everyones ready so soon ya know!
Firstly blue, I am not sure if you totally ended things or left them open but after my first month meet up mine was trying to keep some contact by liking my stuff on FB and I realize now he was much more open to get back at that point then in any other time and I should have done something about it. Not saying it’s your case though. Let me know what’s your stance on this, if he seemed any interested, if he said something about you guys or what.
Now about the date. had my first date Two weeks ago. More than 3 months after the breakup. Second date with that guy he hugged me and we were like that for awhile. We didnt kiss but it got a bit more intense and I started crying. Third date we kissed and during one of those I started crying. So see, it does take a lot of time. I know now this guy helped me be more confident about myself. Even more cause he is really cute and really sweet and is doing stuff with his life. He isnt a loser at all. So it does make me feel great. Also I was really needy, barely had any affection all these months, so it was great this happened before I hang out with my ex yesterday.
And I think that’s why kevin says to go on dates. To make you feel more confident. 1 month is SO soon. I know I couldnt THINK of any guy or anything for 2.5 months at least. But it really depends on the people. The faster you move on and rebuild yourself, the faster things might start going good with your ex. The idea isn’t to go and meet a potential bf. Cause all of us here want a long stable relationship and you dont want that with just anyone. That in my mind requires quiet some time to find. So try not to compare and see if you feel the same things, if he has the same things.
For me I know who my ex is and what he has to offer but I really don’t compare much and this guy tells me not to think as much and treats me really well so I am trying to jsut go with the flow which after everything its really hard. I overthink everything and can’t seem to let myself be me. I think I’m a bit traumatized by all the mess I did and how I blamed myself for months.
You both @Phonis @pineappleblue can you read my thread? As I said I was with him yesterday, but it’s LOOONG. Please bare with me I really would like to know your guys’s opinions https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/he-says-he-would-like-to-get-back-but/page/16/#post-42324