Failing on NC after 1, 2, 3 days, I'm so weak.

no-contact-rule
1

Hi All,

I split up from my ex 6 weeks ago and it still feels like the first day, I am distraught and miss him so much it physically hurts. My story is that I broke up with him, then after I calmed down and wanted to make up he refused.

The background is that my boyfriend is 15 years younger than me, we met when I was on holiday visiting a place I used to live, I was 40 and he was 25. Eight years later we were still together in a really strong relationship, we were like best friends, enjoyed each others company, sex was great and we also had our own separate interests. He was taking coke socially but then it started to increase and he’s become a heavy frequent user. He works offshore, earns good money and when he’s home he’s in holiday mode and out all the time. I work so we were starting to spend less and less time together, when he was with me he was basically just recovering from a day or 2 session. I got to feel that we were growing apart and the age gap was getting bigger.

So we argued a few times, broke up once for a week and got back together, everything was perfect until another argument, I asked him to leave, then I calmed down and wanted him back but he said no. He wants to live this party lifestyle and I’m not involved in it.

I have committed all of the mistakes mentioned in the main article, I have become the crazy ex, to be fair he has been nothing but patient and kind to me. He just says he loves me but doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. Last night I got drunk and I think I pushed him to the limit, I text him this morning but he hasn’t replied, this is the first time he has not replied and I know now that I really have to do NC. I understand that his coke habit is an issue for me and I have to use this time to decide if it’s a deal breaker for me and if I should stop trying to get him back but, all the other parts of our relationship are great.

I only found this site last week and since then have tried NC and failed about 4 times. What will he go through now? During the next 30 days he will be here for 1 more week, then he will be offshore and the NC will end when he gets back, maybe I should continue NC until another week after he is back?

I really want him to miss me and remember the good times but I worry that he’s just glad it’s over so he can carry on with what he’s doing with any hassle from me.

2

You can’t make someone miss you. They either miss you or they don’t. There’s nothing you can do to force them to miss you.

The only time no contact can really cause an issue in a case like this is if the other party doesn’t know you want to get back together or thinks you don’t care. If the other party doesn’t know one or the other, then both people might think it is over because the other person doesn’t care when it actually isn’t over.

In this case, he knows, pretty well, that you care and you want to get back together. Because of that, contacting him more is only going to push him away.

My 2 cents would be to continue no contact (or attempted no contact :)). I know he is there for a time and gone for a time but I don’t think that should go into the equation to determine how long you should be in no contact. No contact is also a time to work on yourself and to do things to make yourself feel better, not thinking about the other party as much as possible. Not because you don’t care but because you do.