Quick backstory: My ex broke up with me after being together for more than a year, a bit more than a month ago. His reason was because I became too passive aggressive and he started liking someone else…
Fast forward to today, he contacted me again and we rebuilt rapport. He eventually started to say things like getting back together someday, and being so caring like he always had. Generally, on the good side, we seem to be getting more and more near to being back together.
HOWEVER, just this morning, I went to an event and the girl he started liking before was also there. It was awkward on my part especially since most of my friends who were there knew about it. And I had to keep my face up and force to still become the jolly girl everyone knows.
Anyway, this event made me realize that I’m still not ok. I ended up crying my heart out the moment I got home. I can’t stop comparing us. I can’t stop remembering what happened. And it all seemed to come back. I was a wreck especially since I know they still see each other since they serve on the same Church/community… I don’t want this to ruin our chances again of getting back.
What do I do?
@allaine - Your fears, suspicions, and jealousy are clouding your thinking. You said he “started” liking her, but it seems he’s more interested in you! If you can talk to him and go out to have fun together and remain upbeat and positive, he will more likely want to reconcile. But if you begin acting angry, hurt, jealous etc… yes, it will ruin your chances.
How did you display passive aggressive behaviors? Have you worked to improve?
If not, he most likely will not want to get back together and he would still be unhappy with you in the long run.
I was passive aggressive in a way that used to start to ignore him or throw a silent tantrum whenever I get upset and say “Nothing.” or “I’m fine.” whenever he asked what’s wrong. He said I don’t communicate well and almost let him win in every argument even when I was clearly not ok with things just to avoid conflict. Anyway, I was never really a person who can talk about her feelings freely (I have always been the happy-go-lucky type of girl). So I worked on that a lot and started to open up to people, to improve that part of myself. 
Anyway, he came over just an hour ago (lol), after knowing how upset I was because of the event (and the monthly female torture females go through). He came over with like a half gallon of ice cream haha and I felt like everything was fine again. Yet I still can’t bring myself to erase my fears and suspicions fully. I’m afraid I’d have to hide it again! I worked so hard to be open and now I need to hide my feelings again?
@allaine - Good communication is one of the keys to a happy and successful relationship and I’m glad to hear you’ve been opening up more. If done properly, without nasty accusations, name calling, yelling etc … but with respect and as a way to resolve issues such as hurt feelings or confusions etc … the air is cleared and calm discussion leads to understanding and wards off the build up of hidden resentments. And it also helps to promote contentment and happiness. What a SWEET guy to be concerned about you and to bring over ice cream! Please know that unfounded jealousy and continued accusations is a relationship killer.
You don’t have to hide your feelings. If you’re worried about the situation, talk to him about it in a very nice way, but don’t make it a long drawn out conversation. Listen to what he has to say and be accepting of his answer. Then go on to have fun together and be the happy person you are.
If you can show him you’ve changed for the better, he is more likely to want to get back together. Never clam up because you’re upset! Talk it out and be done with it. But don’t keep bring up the same subject over and over again, okay?
Be proud of who you are! And never compare yourself to anybody else as it serves no useful purpose. I think you’re on the right track. Good luck:)