Ex using weed to cope with breakup but no reconciliation

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago and went straight into another relationship with a woman from his work and i mean 4 days later…we had been together for 25 years to say it was painful is the understatement of the year. We still have regular contact via texts and face-to-face contact as we have to finish renovating the house we were living in (decisions to be made and work to be done). Just recently he admitted to me that the has started smoking weed again. This is from a man who gave up both alcohol and drugs close to 20 years ago. He disclosed it was because the break-up was so painful and he didn’t want to think or feel but yet he still will not entertain thoughts of getting back together. He has just recently - last couple of weeks admitted he still has ‘romantic’ feelings towards me but will not act on them - this is interesting because at first he absolutely denied ‘those’ type of feelings. He said he still cared but just didn’t love me anymore. It is so confusing sometimes i feel like i am being baited or gaslighted - draw me in and then when i get too close he freaks out and pushes me away. In the first few months i was all desperate and pleading about coming back but for the last couple of months i have kept my shit together around him (lost it elsewhere). What the hell is going on? This is so confusing because he would apparently rather take drugs then try and reconcile. Also the new GF is almost an afterthought in any conversation we have. Any advice appreciated? We are an older couple i am 47 and he is 50 - mid life crisis certainly springs to mind. I cant really no contact him because of the house stuff. But why he would rather take drugs because of the pain of being apart rather than reconciling is just way to hard for me to understand.

As I have said several times on these boards, emotions and feelings can do strange things to us. People can be stubborn just because they don’t want to look foolish or proven to be in the wrong. In his heart he still loves you but in his mind he is sticking to whatever his reasons are for breaking up with you (which sounds like he got attracted to this other woman and wanted to see what it was like). You have not stated how your relationship was leading up to the end but to him it was bad enough for him to justify breaking it off. The begging and pleading from you only reinforced his mind. The pain is coming from him only listening to his mind and the supposed sound, logical reasoning he gave himself for breaking up with you yet still having feelings for you. Giving into his heart and coming back to you will, to him, be a sign of weakness and making him look like a fool for leaving one of the few good things in his life and trying to start another relationship with that woman from work.

For now give him space and don’t initiate contact with him. If he contacts you then make sure it is only concerning the house. Enjoy time with friends, family, hobbies etc. If he wants to spiral into drugs then let him. He needs to hit rock bottom first before he will stop being so stubborn.