What was the tone of the message?
“I know that there are strict rules for me not to contact you but I just wanted to say hey and to see how you are doing. I hope things are going amazing for you. Xoxoxo”
How are you feeling about that? Do you want to respond?
No. I am determined to keep my distance. Not because I cant handle it emotionally. but because my ex is attracted to me. She misses me. And yet goes for others. I feel that I need to show her through actions instead of words that I am not going to tolerate it. It hasnt been three weeks since I told her to not contact me. This is part of a pattern. I dont talk to her. She hits me up after two weeks… acts like she wants me. Then distances herself again. So this time… im not giving in. I have no want to either. Last night I missed her so much. I missed our life togerher. I had to surrender my best friend to the humane society yesterday. And I think that brought on my sadness and missing her.
I just want to be strong. And let her know I wont be her ‘blanky’. Not as punishment but I have let her walk over my emotions long enough. Even if she didnt mean to. Im moving on like I said. I mean it. If down the road we get together, then ok. But then, she will no when I say something, I fucking mean it.
Good for you! I agree. I think not answering her will really send your message loud and clear. I’m glad you are doing better and moving forward. If you do reconcile down the road it should be when she comes to you and feels ready, not just when she reaches out to be friendly!
Amen @atea.
Should I let her see that Ive read it? Or keep it as unread?
@LAbound you want to use actions, right? Let her know you’ve read it.
yes let her see you read it! it will send the message more clearly that you’ve actually seen it and are choosing not to be an emotional crutch for her
Thought so but sometimes others can give better insight. Thanks 
Awesome! You sound stronger!
My ex sent me an almost identical message after I started NC. They just want to see if they can break your conviction. I say let her see that you read the message.
I’m sorry you had to surrender your friend. I had to do that several months back. I think it hurts more than a breakup. My heart goes out to you.
Nell,
Thank you for your kind words. I agree that my ex is seeing if she can still penetrate my soft exterior (that only she can do). So I am definitely not responding and have no want to. She wanted at least a year of a real break. So she can have it…without using me as comfort.
Plus, I also figure that it will make me feel better about us getting back together in the long run. I dont want her if I am just a back up plan. By keeping my distance for six months to a year, I remove that scenario.
And no. I wont be afraid of her finding someone else that actually sticks. I am more than prepared to move on. I do love her though.
i think you are really doing the right thing @labound! have you been feeling good during NC? when do you plan to break it?
also, i think this route is much better than the false friendship. either you will move on and be ready to start over with someone great or your ex will truly miss you and realize what she has given up and come back, a win-win for you
Yeah. That would be ideal if she realized a few things, pulled her head out of her ass and wanted to build something new.
exactly! we cane predict whether or not that will happen but i do think you have a good chance after so much history and the fact she still really cares and reaches out. i think if she knows she’s losing you and doesnt have you as a safety net, she will be much more likely to come around.
also i like how you said “build something new”. i think a lot of reconciliations fail because they try to pick up where things left off and the same issues resurface. i think nc and allowing enough time to pass allows for a much more refreshed start. stay strong and positive! i really think you’re doing so well!
My NC has been easy. Ive been staying positive. I do miss her like crazy on and off but the missing her isnt accompanied by tremendous pain or fear anymore. Ive let go of mostly everything from the past. And I am using law of attraction, daily workouts, keeping busy with family members, and I write. Ive also been planning a low cost start up business…and my best friend said I could join up with him in his business venture (brewery in Denver) so I have plenty of things keeping me occupied.
thats great and inspiring to hear! I’m trying to get on the same path as you. NC has definitely been getting easier but i do have my very difficult days. i also miss my ex a lot but realize now it is best not to do anything about these feelings for right now. i am also using law of attraction and working out a lot and trying to make myself a happier person. I’m still unsure how long i want to keep up nc but i think things are going pretty well for me right now considering
Ive been doing this on and off for 8 months. Youll get there. You are on the right track!
I think you are doing great. Some ppl here are always in a panic. Youve seemed pretty calm since the start. I have faith youll get your ex vack. Make time work for you and it will fly by.
It’s been about 3.5 months for me now! I think I’ve just come to the conclusion that I cant “get” him back or manipulate him into coming back. Maybe others who have different circumstances surrounding their breakups can. But since my ex left purely for time off and to have other relationships, my only chance of getting him back is if he does have those other experiences and realizes im the one he wants to be with. I have hope because he’s left the door wide open to reconcile but I think Nc is most productive in getting myself back because he might not actually come back to me! I also think it will force him to really see how life is without me and hopefully he will decide he’s happier with me than not with me. Until then just need to keep improving myself! There’s nothing I can do to change his mind. And if we are to reconcile I can’t see it happening for at least a few more months so I need to make myself happy in this life without him! It’s been comforting for me to see your progress as you seem to be doing great and I really do hope you get your ex back. You’ve been patient, nice, but also strong. I’m trying to follow in your footsteps!