Ex is leaving the country for 3 months

reconciliation
1

My gf broke up with me about 4 months ago! We were together for 5 1/2 years, had just moved in together and everything was going great. We were each others first in everything and literally have done everything together. We had a great relationship with hardly any fighting. We are both 22 and started our relationship in school at 17.

Shortly after moving in together she got a job offer in her field of study. She had been working for my parents with me for the last 3 and a bit years while she was studying. I was very supportive of her taking this job which she did but ultimately ended up hating. Two months later she was back working with me for my parents.

In November she got another interview which she didn’t tell me about until 2 days before. I overreacted to this and wasn’t very supportive of her leaving the family business again as my parents had just offered her a job again. I know now that this was the worst decision of my life. She ended up cancelling the interview after I told her to go for it. This ended up with her resenting me but she tried not to show it.

The next month we went on a planned holiday to Australia which was good but not great. I could tell that something was holding her back.

After our holiday she started pulling back from me even more. She asked to take a break from me for a week and stayed at her parents. During this time I was being needy and clingy asking her constantly to come back home.

She also joined a church due to external influence. Keep in mind she was never religious. I am not religious either and spoke to her about it not getting in between us. She assured me that it wouldn’t but I’m not so sure as she made it a priority over me.

Fast forward to to 25 Jan she was going to a church concert which I was fine with. At around 10:30pm I messaged her and asked when she would be home. She replied saying the concert just finished and they were going to get food. 1 hour later she was still getting food. I got increasingly irritated as there was no communication. I stupidly decided to drive out to her and confront her about why it takes over 1h30m to get food at 11 in the evening. I know this was a major over reaction and a major contributing factor to her breaking up with me. I wish I could take it back.

A apologised profusely and the next day I surprised her with flowers and breakfast. Ultimately she ended things that day.

Her reasons were, I was smothering her (I agree I probably was), she needed time to figure herself out and she just wants to experience single life. It took me a while to believe those reasons but ultimately I think it is true.

As any bf would do I begged and pleaded and all the other things you shouldn’t do. This probably just pushed her further away. Eventually I tried to do NC. That only lasted 1 week until I couldn’t resist the urge to contact her.

2 months after the breakup I got into a rebound relationship at this point my ex decided to block me on social media. I admit this probably wasn’t my best decision but it really helped me cope at the time. 1 month later the rebound ended (she was a complete asshole). I never stopped thinking about my ex. Literally everything reminds me of her and she is in all my dreams. I have so much love for her and just wish I could get her back.

During the last 4 month she has been organising to go to the USA for 3 months in mid June. She will be back in September.

She never initiates contact with me. I’m not sure if that cause she’s been so busy that she hasn’t had time to miss me or because she has moved on. I know she isn’t interested in dating other guys yet.

Last week she wrote a blog about us and our relationship and basically said she will never regret getting into a relationship with me and that I taught her what real love is. I can tell she really does still love and care for me. I decided to text her after reading this. She asked to meetup before she leaves the country and we did so on 1st June.

The meetup went great and lasted for about 5 hours. We were laughing and just had a great time together. I asked her if we could meet again before she leave and she agreed but we haven’t set a date yet.

I have also been working on myself during the last 4 months to become a better less needy and clingy person. I have also joined the gym and changed my routine. I think it’s really helped me.

I really love this girl she is honestly the best thing that has happened to me and just a wonderfull human being.

I don’t want to push her further away but also don’t want to wait to long.

I need some help here do I let her know my feelings before she leave this month or when she gets back in September? Surely she must still feel something for me. 5 1/2 years surely doesn’t disappear in 4 months. We had such a great relationship and complimented each other so well.

I feel I should wait as I don’t want to add extra pressure to her.

Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks

2

Yes I would wait until she comes back. Those feelings definitely do not go away in just a matter of months.

3

Thank you gamecoder.nz I will wait until she gets back before I make any moves.

I am going to see her today (Sunday) to sort our some locks on her bag from our last holiday. Also want to see her parents.

I really hope we will find our way back to each other.

4

Update on my story. Yesterday I visited my ex and her parents. We all chatted and caught up on the past 5 months. It was great everyone was really positive and happy. I caught my ex a few times gazing at me with that look that lovers have. It was an amazing feeling.

She is leaving the country tomorrow so this was the last time I would see her before she comes back.

Here’s the interesting part. When I was leaving and saying bye to her, we were hugging but it was more like a cuddle. She was in my arms with her eyes closed and a big smile on her face. It was just like old times. I then physically picked her up while hugging and she put her legs around me and gave me a small kiss. She also complimented me on my looks and smell, saying she loves it. She asked what I was wearing so told her she had to guess. We cuddled a bit longer and then I had to leave.

I’m not sure if I messed up here but as I was leaving I said “I love you”. She replied saying “you can’t say that” but it was in a playful joking tone. I said “but I do” and then we left.

I sent her a text about 15 mins later saying “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable and I really enjoyed seeing you and your parents tonight…”

I presume she went to sleep cause I got a reply today saying she “didn’t feel uncomfortable but is just wary of giving me the wrong signals because she still needs to find her self and what she wants in life”. I agreed with her saying “yeah I think we need a bit of time”.

We seem to be on really good terms and we are even going to a concert together in September when she gets back.

Also she seems to really care about me as I told her I still haven’t been for a blood test I was meant to go for and the beginning of the year. She was very worried and even offered to go with me today haha.

What do you think about this whole thing. Do I still have a chance. What should I do?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks.

5

Yeah, it seems she is very attracted to you and she misses you.

Maybe that “I love you” was a bit too much, but I see that it didn’t have any negative impact and no akward situation emerged from it which is also promising.

You did very well when you texted her “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable and I really enjoyed seeing you and your parents tonight…” and “yeah I think we need a bit of time”. You are giving her signals that you are mature, confident and not desperate.

She is still careful and that’s normal - you just need to make proper moves and be patient.

You are on a right path - just a little bit more patience and I think it’ll be alright. Just remember to avoid becoming her safety net.

6

Yes you definitely have a chance. Don’t contact her while she is out of the country.

7

Update: She initiated contact with me for the first time in about 5 months and she is half way around the world. We have spoken before but every-time it has been me who imitates the contact.

We had a good conversation but it was pretty light and short as she had to go. I presume it was to sleep as it was late.

I have sent her some memes on Instagram which she liked and laughed at but nothing more.

What could this mean if she initiated contact with me after so long. We hadn’t spoken in about a month . I’m not in NC either, don’t think it is necessary any more.

She will be back in my country in 2 months and we are going to a concert together.

I also visited her mum on her birthday last week and she was happy to see me as was I.

8

Sounds like she’s not angry with you anymore, but you need to show her you’re not needy and controlling. In the past you showed controlling tendencies by checking up on her as to what she’s doing, where she’s going, what time she will be back, and being suspicious of her activities. You have to stop that kind of behavior!

For the next 2 months, don’t overwhelm her with messages. Let her enjoy her time away from you and trust her.

9

Hi patricia

I know I was very controlling and needy and honestly since the breakup. I have let all that go. Iv taken time to work on those issues and I think I have come a long way.

I havent been contacting her. I just initiated contact after the blog she wrote in May and also wished her a safe trip and asked if she arrived safely. I have been far from overwhelming. I don’t force the convos and stay upbeat. I haven’t tried to suggest getting back together either.

I have definitely improved myself and my insecurities are also fading away.

10

Good! When she gets back from her trip, hopefully you two can work through the difficulties:)

11

So she just contacted me again. We had a convo for about 10mins. I asked if I could call and then she ended up calling me.

She sounded quite sick but she said she’s recovering from the flu.

The phone convo lasted about 8 mins then she had to go.

I ended up telling her “she looks stunning as always” via text and goodnight as I had to go to sleep while she was just waking up.

What could this mean? Why would she be contacting me more frequently? Do I contact her too or leave her to contact me?

I’m confused.

I also clear some stuff today that we bought when we were setting up our house and it brought back memories and I felt a little down about the whole situation. Iv been putting it off for months but decided to do it today.

Anyway. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.

12

It means she sometimes thinks of you. From the sound of it, she texted you (text back + forth), then you asked if you could call her, then she called you.

You could wait a few days and then contact her to ask if she’s feeling better…

Good luck:)

13

Update - she messaged me again with the same “Hey” I replied 7 hours later with a “Hey”. Anyway conversation got flowing from there. It was late in my country but she didn’t want to go. Could have been because she was board as she’s on a road trip idk.

Tomorrow would have been our 6 year anniversary. Not sure if it’s coincidence or intended. I haven’t initiated contact with her in over 2 months. It’s been her every time.

Anyway our conversation was pretty good. Basically just catching up on the last month. She then requested to follow me on Insta and also asked me to follow her. Considering I was blocked until June…

She was very nice in our convos but I don’t want to read anything into it.

I Accepted her follow request and she accepted mine. I then sent her a photo and said I’m going to sleep. She said I looked good and night.

Just updating the progress.

She will be back mid next month.

Lately I have been feeling really good. I’m in the best shape of my life. I am finally happy just wish I had more friends to hang out with.

I very seldomly think of my ex. Obviously she’s thinking of me. She even said she’s “sorry for texting out of the blue. She been wanting to do it for a while but had no time”

But every time I hear from her it’s like I take 2 steps back.

Any ideas?

Must appreciation.

14

The messages are very casual and asking you to follow her on Insta doesn’t mean much. Don’t contact her, but if she initiates contact first, keep your reply very short.

Have a face to face conversation with her about the potential of reconciliation when she returns.

15

Looks like that chapter of my life has closed now.

She returned to the country and we went to our concert. Had a great night and then we spoke about everything.

She just doesn’t want to date at this moment in her life.

She still loves and cares for me and wants to be friends but no romantic feelings.

I told her it’s too hard for me to be friends as I still have feelings and it’s unfair on me. She agreed and respects my wishes.

I was hoping this would be a success story but I guess exes are exes for a reason.

Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some.

16

Sorry to hear the bad news. You’ll be okay. Take time to morn and then start dating…

17

Update: So after a few weeks of limited contact it was her birthday. I didn’t get her anything just simply wished her a happy birthday.

Next day we were texting back and forth but her interest levels were very high. I invited her to go bowling and she agreed. We had an amazing night, I was trying to just be a friend, we decided to go for a drive and just talk about everything. We ended up making out in the car and I think this may have sparked some sort of attraction in her.

We have hung out a couple times after that and it all leads back to making out and talking about the good parts of our past relationship. We decided to have a conversation about what we are doing and if we should give it another shot.

Long story short we are now seeing each other again and everything is going great. We are not putting pressure on each other and just taking things slowly.

We have both forgiven each other and don’t hold anything against each other.

I think we both needed the time apart to work on ourselves etc.

Now she is always eager to see me and when I joke around about not seeing her she gets sad.

I am really happy with the outcome and hope everything works out between us. Im going into this with no expectations.

Ill keep you updated.

18

@DK101 Sounds like you two are getting along great so far… Good luck:)

19

That was a complete change in a month. Wonder where thing stand now?

20

Yes it was which was confusing at the time.

We are still going strong which is great.

@tanda how is your situation?