ex boyfriend calls after no contact period

Breakup Help reconciliation
1

Hello Kevin,

My ex boyfriend broke up with me on June 22nd. Here’s the situation surrounding the breakup. The weekend of June 19-22nd, I had planned a getaway for my boyfriend’s birthday. I told him in the month of April so he could make arrangements with his job. Anyway, the three weeks before we were supposed to go away, he pulls one of his many disappearing acts. I didn’t hear from him at all. He didn’t respond to my calls or texts.

Here it is the 17th of June. Two days before we are going away and I still haven’t heard from him. I called my friend Cindy to see if she wanted to go away as I had to make other plans. We he decides to call me the morning of the 19th asking me what time we are leaving. I told him I had made other plans since I hadn’t heard from him in three weeks. He told me to have a good time and he will talk with me when I get back.

I went away with Cindy and came back a day earlier as there was a problem with the water at the campground and it wasn’t going to be fixed for two days. So we checked out and came home around 6:00 in the evening.

I set my alarm and called my boyfriend at midnight on the 22nd because I wanted to be the first one to wish him a happy birthday. He called at 8:30am June 22nd and asked if I wanted to go to breakfast. I told him I had to be somewhere as there was a dog I had to rescue.(I am in animal rescue). He said that’s ok there will be plenty of others. He said how about dinner. I happily said yes that would be great.

He calls me at 4:00pm, before we were supposed to leave for dinner and breaks up with me. I asked why? He said, he didn’t want to talk about it. I said ok. Have a great life and hung up. I was dumb-founded. He called four hours later to read me the riot act about not taking him away on “his” birthday weekend and re-iterates that he is breaking up with me and he never wants to speak to me again. I politely told him, he disappeared for three weeks without a trace and I had to make other plans. He yelled at me some more and again reminded me he was breaking up with me. I told him to have a good life and I wish him the best. Said good-bye, then I hung up. He immediately unfriended and blocked me and any mutual friend we had on Facebook.

I immediately implemented the no contact rule. I even marked my calendar on July 22nd it will be 30 days. During the first two weeks of no contact, he called my five times and left messages along with only one text message. Then, nothing till July 26th, which is 6 days past the 30 days. He called but didn’t leave a message. I didn’t call him back. He called again on the 28th, this time he left a message asking me to call him back. I didn’t want to seem eager plus I am away right now and I don’t have much cell phone service. However I do have access to a wifi. So, on July 29th, 24 hours after he left a voicemail, I send him the following text:

Hey, I got your voicemail. I’m out of town with a friend. I don’t have much cell service. Gotta love Technology, huh? Lol…its great when it works. I’ll give you a shout when I get back in town.

To which he replied right away with this text:

Okay, sounds good. I’ll wait to hear from you. Enjoy yourself.

I left it at that. I didn’t respond.

Then I noticed he unblocked me from Facebook.

What do you think is happening?

Thanks,
Colleen

2

Hello Colleen, do you have any idea what has he been up to during that 3 weeks? Could it because he was just suddenly afraid of facing his own emotions? As I know, men actually sucked at controlling their emotions more than us women. Could it be that he ‘disappears’ just to get your attention and also, his feelings right. But then finally when he thought that he can see you during his birthday and talk about things but then you suddenly told him you changed plans and that made me kinda… have mood swings. Maybe he was just lost in his own emotions and he doesn’t know how to talk to you about it? Pride is very important for them too sometimes they just don’t say what they really mean because they don’t wanna feel ‘weak’. If you still love him maybe you should ask him out and really just talk about what happened and the reason for the breakup. It seems like there are still chances to make things right.

3

Hey Gwen,

I’m not sure what he was up to during the 3 weeks he disappeared. I asked him the morning of the 19th and allet he said was he would go to work, come home eat dinner, lounge around, watch TV and go to bed only to do it all over again. You see, this wasn’t the first time he’s pulled the disappearing act on me. Yet, he could never explain to me why he would disappear for weeks at a time. It’s entirely possible he was trying to get my attention during theach weeks he disappears.

I’m still away right now and won’t be able to call him until Tuesday when I get back. Cell service is horrible here.

Do you think the reason he called is to try and patch things up?

Also, why do you think he unblocked me from Facebook?

4

I feel that he may be just not emotionally to be in a relationship. It’s not hat he don’t love you, he did. And probably still does. I can feel that he actually don’t want to lose you but he had no idea what to do. The call and the ‘unblock’ may or may not mean that he want things back. But it sure meant that you are still on his mind. I feel the most important thing you have to do is to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. If he truly cares he would open his heart to listen. Just try to feel the situation when you call him later, if you feel that he’s still holding back. you should take things slow and just catchup with him in his life and share yours too and not mention about anything on your relationship first.

5

He’s definitely not over you. As for why he did his disappearing act who knows? You were up front with him and he acted like a child. That’s his fault why his bday ended up the way it did. Yes I would feel a little pity on him since it was his bday, but he did it to himself. He needs to grow up and stop these games with you. As for his yelling at you when you broke up is because he was trying to protect himself and his pride. It’s one of his defense mechanisms. I think he wants to patch things up and yes that is why he unblocked his Facebook. You did the right thing. Great job. I would be cautious if you do move forward with him. Take it slow and let him know that you will tolerate his disappearing acts. Make it clear as one of the first things, because it really isn’t nice to you and it shows he doesn’t take your relationship seriously by doing that.I don’t know what his reason for doing that is. It could be one of many things, but either way, you should never do that to someone who cares about you. At least tell the person you need time and etc. Don’t just not call or etc. He has a lot of growing up to do. You seem to be on point with this relationship. Really its on him to make the necessary changes. You are not asking much from him by having him call you. If what he told you is the truth then he needs to stop being lazy and let you know whats going on. If he wants his alone time then he should have no fear in telling you and you should allow him to have it. He needs to learn to communicate and you should also be understanding and open to. I’m not saying you are not as we don’t know what really is his reason for that. May I suggest that you ask him to open and honest with you and just tell you if he needs some space and time for himself. He really needs to tell you those things if thats what it was. You just need to be understanding to some extent but don’t give him all the freedom he wants also. You don’t want it to come to a point where he always does that and the you are not happy because that is what he does. There needs to be a give and take. Key issue is communication here.

6

KJJ,

I couldn’t agree more that he needs some maturing to do. He definitely didn’t take the relationship seriously. It was apparent because of his disappearing acts. I would always tell him to let me know when he needs space. I even told him if he’s fearful of calling me to let me know, to just shoot me off a text message. The other thing is, I never gave him a consequence for these disappearing acts either. The bday get away was the first time I gave him a consequence and followed through with it. Believe me, I was so looking forward to going away with him. That’s why I booked it. But my way of thinking is, you disappear for 3 weeks prior and finally return my calls on the day we are supposed to leave, you don’t get to go. I wasn’t trying to be mean to him, I was letting him no that his actions either get rewarded or a consequence. His actions this time resulted in a consequence. I honestly don’t feel guilty for it at all. It was his fault that he didn’t go.

When he broke up with me, it seemed more like a temper tantrum then anything but I was going to make him live with that decision. I immediately went into no contact. So when he tried calling me 5 times during the no contact, I refused to answer his calls and wouldn’t call him back either.

Then this past week which was after the no contact period he called a few times. I didn’t answer the calls because he didnt leave a message. He finally called and left a message. To which I responded by text because I’m away. I won’t be able to call him till Tuesday. I’m a bit nervous to call him though. I am totally in love with him. I will not let him know that though.

So you really think he’s not over me and he wants to patch things up? How do you think I should handle things when I call him?

7

Good morning,

I just got back in town last night. It was too late to call my ex. Although, I don’t know if I should call him or not. I noticed yesterday, on Facebook, he became friends with one of my female friends. She’s a distant friend of mine. She and I talk every 6 months or so on the phone. Nevertheless, she is a friend of mine.

At any rate, she put changed her profile pic on FB to a very nice selfie she took of herself over the weekend. My ex commented on the pic. Here’s what he put as a comment:

“Wowww! Great pic. You are the most beautiful woman I have seen in a very long time.”

My heart fell out of my chest. I was hurt by that comment. He knows she is a friend of mine. Why would he do this?

Please help. I have been in tears over this since I saw the comment.

8

Hey… don’t let something on social media hold you back alright :frowning: You’ve been progressing well all this while. You’ve found this website and forum and you found people like us to talk about your problems but maybe, he didn’t and was just having a great trouble dealing with his own emotion. And probably, he’s just commenting on her photo to boost his own ego, and maybe to get your attention too. And to be honest, EVERY MAN in the world LOOKS and even STARES at beautiful girls, married or not, young or old. It’s in their nature. They are visual beings. And remember! That doesn’t make you anything less attractive. You may feel like he treated you hot and cold but I’m sure that he is just confused. Don’t let things like this bring you down babe! You’re beautiful inside out, keeep doing what you’re doing. If you need just post here again I’ll try my best to reply

9

I agree with Gwenn, definately don’t let the fb thing bother you at all. I am so impressed by the way you reacted to this guy re his birthday. that is a good way to keep him interested and not take you for granted whatever it is he is doing.

10

Don’t let the facebook thing bother you, guys will do that for attention or to get under your skin to make you think they are moving on or you might lose them. If you respond to it then you are giving him exactly what he wants, keep doing what you are doing because it is working with him. He probably feels like he is losing you and trying to make you jealous, stick to your guns.

11

Gwenn: I don’t feel less attractive by his comment. I realize guys will look and appreciate a beautiful woman. I was just wondering what his motives were for doing that because he doesn’t usually comment and/or like anything on FB. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs.

becca75: What exactly are you impressed with? Me giving him a consequence for his disappearing act or me going right into no contact after he broke up with me on his bday? Also, how does this keep him interested?

rider01: My gut feeling said he commented on purpose just to get a rise out of me. I wanted confirmation. I didn’t respond to it at all. Although, I did comment on her post also because I knew he would see it. Here’s what I put:

“I agree with other posters sis, your beauty radiates like the sun and can brighten any room. Hugs.”

Do you really think what I am doing is working? Also, I still haven’t called him yet as I am afraid to because I am still emotional and don’t want him to see this or detect it over the phone. Should I call him or still remain in NC for a little while longer?