Hey all,
So I made it 40 days. Improved myself and felt ready to send an Elephant in the Room letter. She responded within a few hours. It seems like a pretty neutral response and I’m not sure what to do next. Any help would be appreciated.
My letter:
Just wanted to drop off a short note to let you know that I am totally okay with your decision to split up.
Truthfully, I saw it coming for awhile.
I wanted to also let you know how sorry I am for acting like I did after the breakup. It was totally disrespectful to you. I apologize if I hurt you.
Things have been going well over here. Love to fill you in…but in the future. I think you and I both need some space right now.
Hope you and the girls are well.
Her response:
I appreciate the apology, but all is forgiven and mostly forgotten. I too am sorry if it was over or felt over, and I let it go on too long. Please just know it wasn't out of convenience or anything like that. I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. The girls and I are doing well too. I found some clothing items of yours around the house. I'll leave them on your porch next time I'm over that way.
Three days ago, you wrote you were nearing the end of 30 days no contact. Now you say you made it to 40 days no contact? Apologizing for your behavior after the breakup is good, but I’m assuming you also apologized (sometime after the breakup) for the part you played in causing the breakup.
Yes, her response is polite and neutral. She seems to be in agreement that the breakup was a good decision. So now after no contact you’re letting her know you both need more space?
I don’t know what she meant by she “let it go on too long” or “it wasn’t out of convenience”. ??
How long were you together and why did she break up with you?
I’m also not sure why I said we need more space. That was in all suggested Elephant in the Room examples from Kevin.
We were together, on and off, for approximately a year. For the first 2 months it wasn’t an exclusive relationship, we were both still on dating sites. About 6 months in she broke up with me and I found out later it was for the guy she had been seeing in those first 2 months. We got back together a few weeks later after she found out he was sleeping with his ex. We took it slow, only seeing each other once or twice a week for about a month, then went back to regular contact. In hindsight we should have given each other more space. I was insecure in the relationship because she had left me, she was insecure because I was acting insecure, etc. The last month she alternated between being very distant (asking for space) and being very affectionate and loving. I think my insecurity was a major factor in her leaving. Granted, it was sparked by her leaving me in June, but I didn’t take the time and space I needed to get past that. As the relationship went on I started feeling more secure but I guess the damage was already done.
My best guess as to what she meant by “letting it go on too long” was that she was mulling over breaking up for the last month. As far as “out of convenience” my only thought is that she has a difficult time during the holiday season and so maybe she wanted me to know that she wasn’t just using me as a crutch to get through that time? Again, those are my best guesses, I don’t know for sure.
Her stated reason for breaking up with me was “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. It’s just not working anymore.”