I broke up with my gf of 1 year 4 months ago. I was feeling like the relationship was one sided. early in the relationship I treated her the best, spent as much time with her as I could, got into the same hobbies, paid for everything when would go out, went to all the places she wanted, etc. I loved her, but I never felt like I was her ideal man, as much as she said it, she never really did much to show it. I think the turning point was 6 months in the relationship when she came forward about something that happened between her and her ex while we were dating. her ex has a meth problem and she was visiting him to see how he was doing( I didn’t know about any of this), said her ex looked worse than ever and in an emotional state stuff ended up happening between the two of them. she told me a couple days after it happened; apologized, said she felt terrible, wanted us to grow together, there’s no one she loves more than me. etc… but she also insisted that if I couldn’t truly forgive her than I shouldn’t be with her. I was upset but i forgave her because at that time I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I never brought it up ever after that. In my head however the event reinforced this idea that I’m not ideal for her.
In the last 3 months of our relationship I was still taking her places, paying for everything, trying to support her as best as I could. she lost her car in wreck so I was driving her to and from work everyday in addition to my work commute. .I told her i’ll take her to work early in the morning especially because it’s dark, but I also suggested she try the bus or lightrail that was right across the street from her place of work to get home in the afternoon. All the driving her around was getting irritating, but nothing changed. My work schedule had to accommodate her schedule, she had Saturdays off, but there’s literally no reason she needed that day off, her managers even threatened to take that day off away from her a couple time, I told her it’d be easier for me to get any other day on a regular basis and it would probably be easier for her too; that way we can see each other. it went in one ear and out the other.
We started arguing more, she could see I was getting less patient with her, spending less of my free time with her, and just not really communicating with her. I think I exhausted myself trying to swoon her by really stepping out of my comfort zone. I’m a big introvert and it seems like she doesn’t want that. In trying to be something else I not only got exhausted but I became a bit resentful. we broke up when i went alone to visit my mom to sort out some tax stuff, my gf tried contacting me, she knew where I was and what I was doing. I missed her call because my phone is an old piece of crap that sometimes forwards calls to voicemail automatically with no notification. when I got into contact with her the next day she started accusing me of forwarding her calls on purpose, and She wanted to know what was wrong , and I told her, I didn’t forward those calls and the reason I’ve been so distant is because “I feel like I’m carrying all the weight in the relationship, I’ve rearranged my life around you, but you haven’t done the same.” I asked her if that made sense, she said “it sounds like you don’t want a relationship.” and then I said “you’re right” out of frustration. I apologized for not being more clear about all my feelings, she then proceeded to call me judgmental. And that pissed me off and I ended it there. the next day she texted me apologetic, saying she understands how I feel, she said she hopes I find happiness in life and that the year we spent together was amazing in her opinion. I responded with “I’m sorry, you’re wonderful, beautiful and I wish you the very best, goodbye” and her response to that was “you really were the man of my dreams”
we haven’t spoken since then. I keep toying with the idea of reconciliation, maybe not now but in the near future. I feel so frustrated. I keep having dreams about her.
if I were to go that route what are my chances anything would go well? she seemed like she was still hurting from all her previous relationships/bad break ups. It bothered me a lot, I was trying to make a relationship work, but I was dealing with all her baggage. I just felt like I was being taken for granted, and I wish i communicated that better, I didn’t really know what I was trying to convey to her at the time, it’s only after 4months of NC and self reflection that I realize what my issues with her were. I’ve gone elsewhere for advice and the majority of the it is “she seems immature, move on.” I understand that completely, but what if I reach out?