Hey guys I need help cause currently I am in despair after my fiancee (13 years relationship) left me in a very bad way. 2 months after that I still can’t cope and it seems to get worse (apart from that I have had depression issues before).
I am 34 she is 32, we were living together for 9 years. I always thought this is it, we were good together but as it is in long term relationships there was less bliss and more real life from day to day. It is not like I didn’t pay attention - I was caring, thoughtful, always there to support, flowers with no occasion just to make her happy. Unfortunately I got into some financial trouble because of my father and it all got me into depression. I become less active and had periods of sadness and no energy - obviously. That was about 2 years ago and lasts. She was really concerned and tried to help me, support. But I think she couldn’t cope anymore - can’t blame her but on the other hand we were the closest to each other so who should I ask for support if not the closest person?
About 3 months ago I came to the UK cause the company wanted me to work here in the office. We both decided that this is a good chance and I should go and wait for her to join later (as she is a doctor on the finish of her specialisation so she has to stay back home for some months yet). We both wanted to come here and build future. I came to prepare the ground for us. Everything seemed fine, we were in the contact on Skype almost everyday talking, even intimate stuff. Then she went to Portugal to visit her student sister. It was all good until she came back home. For first 2 days she didn’t have time to talk to me on Skype, then it came to a small txt fight on whatsapp and she wrote some disturbing stuff about me being better without her etc. The Next day we had a talk and it came out she wants to have a break/she doesn’t feel this anymore/she treated me like a brother for few last months/wanted to break earlier but didn’t know how to do that. And that she met a guy in Portugal, slept with him and it is because she fell in love.
I was her first man, we were good together, wonderful sex and same interests and morals and now it all came on me shocking. I don’t think she fell in love cause she is not 15 and she knew him for few days. I think she really wanted to break and needed an impulse - and got it (she said that at some point too). Anyway she did apologise, she did feel bad and all, but she didn’t regret it and her decision to break is final. That all happened on Skype and whatsapp with me being alone in foreign country…
I thought I know her, she was not that kind of person, and now she appeared like someone with a heart of stone… Anyway unfortunately I did beg her to rethink it and that I could forgive her but we must try to work it out. Of course with no success, she didn’t want to talk to me and told me she needs time and space and we are both free.
After about a month I went there had a talk with her (it pissed her off when I arrived at the beginning)- I was calm, but I tried to convince her and I think I was needy. I took my things from the flat and just said it is a mistake and that she took care about her. She was also in a bad condition it was very painful.
She didn’t talk about her decision to anyone, her parents and her sister ar as shocked as me but it was hard even for them to talk to her. As she was closed to any talking/ advice.
Anyway we had no contact since the middle of November - she didn’t care what is going on with me in spite of that she said before that she will be worried about me and stuff. We have a dog together whom she has to give her parents to take care of (cause she works a lot) and because of some issue with the dog I had to txt her (few days ago) what is the problem. She was nice but distanced and didn’t even ask how am I. Unfortunately the next day we had a chat again and I said I miss her… She said she misses me too but wants some time to rest and doesn’t want nothing now. It is about 2 months since the ‘breakup’ and I see (imagine) she is still ok with that. And I’m in total despair.
Is there any chance of getting her back? I know I have to get my shit together, and rethink if she is worth it. But I just wish I could see throughout her cause it is all so painful now to think she is over a 13 years relationship just like that…
I’m having tough times now cause it’s the Xmas and New Year and stuff. I did manage to stop myself from sending her Xmas wishes (although don’t know is it good? Anyway she didn’t send me anything either - like she totally forgot about me).
It’s her birthday in January and I will be around - first thought to visit her and try to talk like adults about our options - but still am not sure.
Please advise anyone cause I can’t stand all the thoughts in my head anymore.