Same with me. I can’t really compute that its over and I can’t begin to think about being intimate or even close to anyone else! Like my body hasn’t been updated on the relationship status.
I also feel a VERY strong gut feeling that we will end up together again - although there is a lot of evidence pointing to the contrary.
I should just “let loose and have fun” because I’m single - but that’s hard when you really don’t want to be near anyone else… Well done to him, he’s made my feelings and desires completely monogamous where I once wouldn’t have minded exploring other options. It sucks because he doesn’t feel that way. It sucks because he’s probably out there having a blast being “free”, and I’m have become the most miserable person I know… Lol
i completely agree with all of you, but i think that will come in time and we will know if/when we feel ready. i think if some months down the line we still haven’t reconciled i will begin to accept more that its over and can maybe enjoy dating more. for right now i very much feel like were “on a break” so its hard for me to commit to anyone/anything else. i just wish i knew how many months it would either really be over or he would be back. i do think he plans on coming back its just a matter of time when but i don’t want to spend years waiting around…
and @labound i agree. thats how i feel right now. my ex basically told me that its not me at all, that he has these internal desires to explore and be single before he settles down. so theres really nothing i can do/change. our relationship was wonderful up until the last night. no fights or problems or anything. he’s told me multiple times it has absolutely nothing to do with me or us and something he just needs to go through but he hopes it will make us stronger and bring us back to each other in the end. its really such a frustrating position for me to be in…im on 8 days NC
I don’t know. But maybe the same as me. TRYYY to focus on your own life. Try to limit the amount of times you think of him (maybe set aside 5 minutes every three hours where you’re allowed to think of him for a start). But you can’t just go NC or LC and wait, you have to actively do new things in your life to fill up the void that’s been left. New hobbies and such. I’m learning languages and started blogging. hope that helps some
@atea1234 Yep I feel the same, like me and ex are just on a break. Maybe that’s just how we should treat it though because it does at least create motivation to better ourselves so that WHEN they come back to us they will be blown away:)
I’ve done NC, and I’m back to the person I was before we broke up, and better. I have pretty much everything back, except him. I plan on apologizing soon and I want to tell him how I really felt those 3 months. I want him to forgive me and give me that chance back. I really screwed up my life before we broke up. I just don’t know what my next move is
@atea1234 Nope:( Quite the opposite. I asked if he thought he would ever want to get back together and he replied “probably not”. That’s why logic says we won’t get back together but it doesn’t stop my gut feeling.
In a previous break up with the same guy he said “do whatever you want with whoever you want because I don’t care” which I found out was clearly not true, and we got back together.
He’s was EXTREMELY up and down (asking me to move in and taking it back the NEXT day for example) right before this current break up which is why I don’t know where his heart is at, despite what he said.
Do you have any thoughts?
@Confused_Girl that’s really good!! You’re way ahead of me then;)
Well it depends really. If you guys used to write letters you could write him a letter, or send that text. I’m not sure what would be best. Maybe ask him out for coffee AS FRIENDS.
Well done on getting back to where you were and better!!!
@Aphrodite, I think I’ve came a long way in doing that in a month or less. I think I’m going to apologize tonight, do you think it’ll help with all the hard work I’ve put into getting him back?
I’m scared to do it. I’ve worked so hard to get me back, and to get him back. I still so incomplete without him. It was just 5 months, almost 6, but that’s pretty long. I mean we had a very deep and real connection, we clicked like it was nothing. We’re a like, but not completely a like. We had our differences, but that’s called a personality. Ever since my grandpa died, I just lost touch with myself, because he was here for my life for 19 years and I just couldn’t handle anything. I can’t explain the full connection we had, there’s just so much there
good luck @confused_girl! we broke up a little less than 3 months ago and i am finally just starting to feel like i am getting back to myself. and @aphrodite I’m really not sure what to make of that. i think when the relationship was great there is always a chance for reconciliation. why did he end things? my ex boyfriend even told me he wants to “recreate” or relationship one day and “Eventually” but he’s not ready yet and needs more time (he thinks a few months, but theres no way of knowing in his words). so I’m not sure what to think bc it really does feel like a break but i think a long one and its hard to move on with that looming in my mind but he clearly isn’t ready to commit to anything so reconciling isn’t an option either
@Confused_Girl I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Loosing someone is never easy.
Yes, I think what you’ve achieved will help! However make sure to bring it up casually and not like you’re out to impress him. Just try to be nice and casual about it. That’s my advice anyway. Also after reaching out to him I would advise that you wait for him to contact you again. Good luck and keep us posted
She loves me but not in a romantic way, she isn’t admitting anything but even if I wanted to stop talking to her she won’t let me go because I mean too much, we have a great connection etc.
She even asked today that she sees commitment as headaches and asked if it was selfish of her to feel that way.
My Ex has defo had one rebound, maybe two. The 2nd one she dumped during my last phase of NC which lasted 24 days.
So I defo know what you are going through and I’m just as confused myself. My Ex seems to love me and won’t let me walk out of her life for good, or even for the time it might take for me to heal properly as I think she knows that deep.down she is unlikely to find anyone like me. She knows that she is being selfish and she now knows that I won’t put up with anything and that she runs the risk of losing me for good.
I am still not sure that it will be enough to make her see sense until it is too late for at least one of us and that makes me sad.
@atea1234 that sounds really promising in my opinion!! I can almost bet you that if he finds out you were on a date or seeing someone he will get very jealous and want you back. My take on this is: he knows where he has you. He knows you will wait for him so it’s safe for him to go “explore” because you will be right there waiting for him. So don’t wait for him…!
Let him know you value yourself a lot and won’t wait around (don’t tell him directly but show him by your behaviour). I think your ex has it too easy and too comfortable thinking he can do what he wants and then still have you there as a safety net.
That’s just my opinion though. You know what’s right for you!
I don’t know why my ex ended things, it was all very confusing. He just said “we don’t work” however he himself had said we had been doing great recently. None of it makes sense, and I’ve been worried he’s got his eyes on someone else. I know it’s possible we may never get back together but I’m not ready to face that yet, and the only thing motivating me and keeping me going is thinking how I want to impress him to make him want me again.
We split in September too by the way
i think having hope is okay for now if it makes you feel better! whatever makes us feel better is honestly acceptable. and i completely agree with you - thats why I’m going NC for 60-90 days. i want him to know I’m not waiting around and trying to move on. its going to be hard to stick to but its not really an option at this point
This Friday would’ve been our 7 months (cry face). We’ve been broken up for almost 2 months. And thank you! It feels good to have some people out there kind of supporting me lol. I feel as though as him flirting with me Sunday also says something. I just feel that it’s time to apologize for it. I mean I did screw up our relationship, unintentionally of course. I do feel confident that my work will pay off soon, and my gut still says we will get back together. I feel that when two people have a really great connection like we did, that things will work out. Like I said, I can’t describe how close we were. I tried doing NC, but he would snapchat me every single day, one time 6 times in one day. And he showed every sign that he was still love in with me. I know deep down, he still cares, loves, and wants me. Regardless what he says, I’ve learned to judge people by their actions
I think the important thing is to fix ourselves. I mean, it would be great to get right back in the relationships we were in, and even if our exes say it’s not us, we can always improve.
My ex is an indirect communicator. She drops hints. she doesn’t just come out and say what’s on her mind. I told her repeatedly to tell me, no matter if she thinks it will hurt my feelings, what she sees needs improvement. I am not fat by any means. I have always had decent muscle definition, but I did gain about 15 lbs. For my body frame and areas I gain weight, its very noticeable. She would playfully tell me I have a gushy stomach or a cute heavy face. Meanwhile, when she gained quite a few pounds, I clearly said what was on my mind. She knows I do not have a thing for heavy ladies. I don’t judge or think heavy ladies are nasty. I just know what turns me on. Simple. So, when she started gaining weight, I said, “Baby, I love you no matter what, but you and I have spoken about our physical preferences. You know I am not turned on by heavy chicks. Now, I am not saying you’re fat. I am just a little frightened that your eating habits and increased weight gain might lead in that direction.”
I know this seems harsh, but a lot of attractiveness is lost because partners don’t want to hurt us. If my ex had a problem with me gaining 15lbs, she could’ve straight up said I was getting fat and I wouldve loved her even more for it. I LOVE honest and direct communication. It turns me on!
Even now, she’s asked me several times have I worked out a lot. She even said in one conversation that I was getting heavy. (Even if it was only 15lbs). SHE STILL CARED AND WAS MORE DIRECT AFTER!! THE BREAKUP. Where was that communication before?
point being, they can say it’s not us… but there’s something lacking. they just think it will be less painful for us if they say it’s just something going on with them.
LAbound I hear you!
In my situation, there is definitely a lot to improve on. I agree that’s all we can do really - improve ourselves the best we can. Become the people we aspire to be. That way whether or not we’ll get them back we will at least feel happier about ourselves than if we were stagnating and nothing has changed 3 months from now.
We got this!!!
@Confused_girl it definitely seems to me like he’s not ready to let you go! I think your chances are pretty good!!
I loved what you said about judging people for their actions. I completely agree! Words can fall out but it’s ultimately their actions that tell us their motivations.