Do you you believe long term relationships have a better chance of reconciliation or does it all depend on how you use your NC time??
usually in my opinion yes, the longer you were together, the more likely to reconcile, but its not a rule of thumb.
also it doesnt all depend how you use your nc time. it depends mostly on how strong the relationship was before the breakup, the reasons for the breakup, and how the ex is feeling. some people can improve themselves greatly during nc but if their ex doesnt want to reconcile, theres nothing to be done. its all kind of random and hard to predict which relationships will reconcile and which wont.
That sucks
This was sort of building up in the last month of the relationship. She left me due to anger issues and insecurities that I have (in case you don’t know my story). I’m currently in therapy for it and a week ago I broke NC to tell her the therapy is helping, but she didn’t care, she was just angry, cold, and distant. Then on Wednesday I sent her a message to officially acknowledge the break-up and I got no answer, now I’m staying NC for a while. I’m her first love and first relationship.
I’m really sorry to say that there is truly no way to predict who will reconcile and theres not really a set plan you can follow to get your ex back. its really very situational. it sounds like you need to take care of your insecurities and anger issues regardless of whether or not you reconcile with her so I’m glad youre taking the time to do so.
i know how hard it is to stick to nc initially which is why every time youre tempted to break it you need to remind yourself how much it sucks to start over. I’m about a month now? i lost track of exact days but i had a temptation to text my ex this week and i quickly fought it because it would’ve made my last month of progress not mean as much.
i know hoe painful it is to lose a first love. my break up was with mine too and we were together for 7 years. and we broke up honestly out of the blue for reasons i can’t fix which is very frustrating. he just wanted to see what else is out there. of course theres always work to be done on ourselves but theres really nothing i can do to “get him back”. we had a really great relationship but he wanted to date others to see what it was like so the only way we will reconcile is if he decides on his own he wants to come back - people tell me theres a good chance because he’s told me he sees a future with me, he loves me, etc. and he’s been very communicative since the break up, but the truth is no one knows whether or not we will so i need to live my life and try to be happy without him. if he comes back, great. if not, I’ve been healing.
i know how difficult the first months are, but you really need to try your hardest to stop predicting whether or not she will want you back in the future. she may, but she may not. you need to let it go for now. I’m really sorry. no one knows whether or not she will want to reconcile after. theres not a simple solution. all you can do is become the best version of yourself so youre ready for your next relationship, whether it be with her or someone else. if down the line you feel ready to talk to her and improved and youre no longer desperate to get her back, then thats a time to reach out. you need to get to the point where you WANT her in your life but you don’t NEED her and that takes time. don’t be desperate about what you can do to reconcile with her - focus on how you can be happy and let the rest fall into place!
Hey MrCat, I know that’s why my ex broke up with me too. Anger and being jealous. And I’m going to therapy too for it. NC will make her miss you and when the time comes that she does reach out and contact you she will see a changed you and she could be really attracted to you all over again. And yes, I do think that LTR have a better chance. We were together for 5 years and she already wants to start seeing me again! I know people are going to say it’s too soon bc we only broke up 2 weeks ago but every situation is different and I’m going to do what makes me happy! Good luck and let the NC do its work.
@atea1234
No matter how many times I hear that I’m still in denial to all the facts that you laid out. To an extent, I still can’t believe my relationship ended. Although, everything is much easier now than it was during the beginning i still feel the withdrawal, I still feel the pain; especially, in my sleep. My eating habits are returning to normal, but my sleep cycle is still troubled. Seeing her move one will probably be the worst thing possible for me at the moment. That’s why I restrained myself from looking at her social media pages and I’m sticking to it.
P.S. Btw, have you read relationship rewind? I don’t quite know if I’m on the drift or on deaths door. I can’t really tell the difference between the two.
mrcat, be patient with yourself! i would say i was in denial for the first three months. i was pretty positive he would call any day saying he made a huge mistake and come back. i would say reality really set in for me after the 3 month mark. it takes time. i couldnt believe my relationship ended either. mine was out of the clear blue. we had a great weekend together and then he randomly ended things on the monday night after. the whole thing felt surreal to me.
it gets easier slowly but surely. i couldn’t sleep well for the first two months probably. its best to delete her from all social media. i did this with my ex and it was one of the best things I’ve done. its just too painful to see. the beauty of nc is you don’t know if she’s moving on or not. also theres no concrete pattern for moving on. one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years about 6 months ago, distracted herself and seemed fine after and even got into a new relationship about a month after. he was devastated. its only over the past week or two that she’s really started to miss him. she said she was so busy distracting herself and caught up in the new guy that she never really processed it and is only realizing now how much she loves him. its really different for everyone. so even if it seems she’s moved on next week, who knows how she will feel some months from now.
i read relationship rewind very briefly at the beginning of my break up but didn’t pay much attention to it. i couldn’t really classify my relationship because we weren’t really fighting towards the end and my ex was hysterically crying telling me he hoped we would end up together one day while he was breaking up with me so i couldn’t really categorize my relationship. each relationship is different so i think its hard to classify.
@atea1234 it must suck for something so great to just end like that 
I have alot of work to do, but my mind keeps playing tricks on me.
Hey, do you believe there’s any truth to when people say that women only break up when they already have someone in mind?
I feel like my break up was just too sudden, im now starting to get the feeling that she is seeing someone else. It only makes sense.
Yeah it really sucked snd was really confusing but when I too some time to reflect back I realized this was always an internal debate my ex struggled with. I dated him from 15-22 and he from 16-23 and he always told me he couldn’t imagine just being with one girl his entire life and not experiencing or dating others. I think this was something he needed to do for him. He told me he hoped it would confirm his doubts and make us stronger in the future but who knows. I know how hard it is to not be able to predict the future but with time you’ll be able to accept it and be ok with whichever outcome there is. I don’t really feel any closure from my situation so I know when I’m less emotional that’s something I’ll ask him for.
As for your question, I don’t think that’s always the case at all. Most of my girlfriends who ended their relationships did it because they either lost feelings, were fighting a lot, or because they wanted to be single. I actually can’t think of a single one who had someone lined up. I think lots of girls rebound quickly after (I did and I know a bunch of my friends did too) but I don’t think that really means anything or changes the situation. I guess some people have someone lined up but I don’t think that’s often the case at all.
Do rebounds last long? Doesn’t seem like they do…
Impossible to generalize! Some lady a week, some a year and everywhere in between. Every situation is so different
What made you want to rebound? Were you missing that affection that your ex use to give you or did you just do it out of frustration? Or both?
the most simple answer was because it was easy. one of my best friends boyfriend has a friend who had always wanted to date me so he just jumped on the chance when my ex and i broke up and i was vulnerable.
it was a little exciting to get some new attention after 7 years. i didn’t have the same affection i got from my ex but it was a nice distraction for a little while. my ex and i also broke up for the primary reason of dating other people. so I’ve actually dated a bunch of guys since my break up. it wasn’t what i wanted but he insisted its “healthy” and “necessary” for us to both date either people before we know if we should be committed to each other for good. so I’ve pushed myself and been on many dates since.
i think one thing youre struggling with right now is trying to understand breakups in general. I’m a masters student and so I’m used to analyzing data and i like when things are just facts. i kept asking questions like “how long will my ex need before he’s ready to commit?”, or “how long will it last with the girl he is seeing?”, or “will we reconcile if i do x,y,z…” and thats what youre doing now and its a part of the process to try to understand but after some time you’ll see that truthfully no one can answer these questions - not even your ex. you just have to try to take control of your own actions and emotions and realize you still have good things in your life and try to find things that make you happy. analyzing other peoples stories or your ex’s behavior will only confuse you more. every relationship is different. you need to just be patient and see what happens over time.
Hey, do you believe there’s any truth to when people say that women only break up when they already have someone in mind?
Based on my situation…that is a no.
@Mike2014 i read your story and I think in your situation you’re right. However, in my situation it seems very likely. Especially after our big argument. She’s a lovely girl I don’t think it would be hard to find someone to replace me.