@shawns Any ideas about the kind of rules that you would put in place would be appreciated.
I will share my thoughts later.
Rules:
- Respect your partner and respect Love
- Be understanding
- Give time
These are the rules that are important to me…
@sparky the last time we were together was 2 months ago that I was about to move his house again after I got the job offer but then because of the silly mistakes, jealousy… I made he changed his mind about me moving…then I got very angry and didnt talk to him, kinda finished with him but then he sent me messages and emailed that I made him miserable, made him unhappy frustrated, put him desperate with my jealousy and control behavior but kept messaging me but I didnt answer any of them…then he got back with messages again telling me about him being sick for more than a month and mentioned as if he got serious illness and I got worried and started talking to him again, showed him my care and I would do anything for him to make him feel better, and we were apart all these while…during this time he was off of his work and went back to his parents house for seeing doc and making some tests…he was keep mentioning about how unhappy he is with his life, he doesnt like what he is doing as a job, he is useless, he is good for nothing, all he can do is that useless job (he never changed his any plans or routin he continued working at that job he doesnt like but I lost everything) all he wants was improving himself with a better job in another country etc…I kept listening him…one night again he mentioned about the same negative things over and over, I havent replied to his msg at the same night but in the mornin I replied but he didnt answer and I thought maybe he left a msg on whatsapp, I checked but there was nothing but he has gotten online…I got upset then called him and spoke cold, then told him why he didnt answer my msg even he could say good morning at least and I yelled there it started…it sounded like everything was all about him in our relationship and things are ok on his side in fact but I got nothing no job…there started the arguement again…
How do I delete my comments ?
It was just too long, sorry…
I’m not sure if you can delete posts on here Malinda. It’s ok I did read it. Thanks.
Should I just move on Too…? 
#shawns
I have constructed the following set of rules that my Ex would need to try to adhere to in order to save my friendship/relationship.
(1) Give and take - If you want want me to continue being there for you and offering support to you when you need it then I expect more.support than you have offered to me previously in return.
(2) Understanding that my time.is valuable to me. I don’t want to be investing too much of my time in a one sided codependent friendship/relationship, as that is unhealthy.
(3) There needs to be a.clear set of boundaries defined. What is acceptable behaviour for each of us to tolerate from the other and what kind of behaviour is unacceptable?
(4) The need to understand that our words and actions can alter another persons frame of mind, wellbeing and health status.
(6) Stop venting our anger and frustrations at eachother anf learn to communicate better.
(7) Have to stop living in the past, focus on the here and now, and the future. We need to start working from.a clean slate or forget it.
(8) Not hiding our feelings or fears, no matter what they are. Be prepared to discuss them no matter what you think the other persons reaction will be. They might just surprise you! Anything can be achieved by trying to communicate better, placing yourself in the other persons shoes, trying to understand how they are feeling and why.
What do you think of my list?
That’s a nice set of rules @Sparky…
Just a question, my mother’s ex texted me yesterday and ask me if Me and My Ex are Ok (she’s basically asking if we have already settled our differences). She had also asked me about my sickness and that I should take good care of my health…
Now because of this, I was thinking of visiting them this coming Saturday and try to properly talk to my EX (For the last time). This is really crazy… Should I really visit them?
@Shawns I wouldn’t visit them until your NC period is up and unless you have arranged with them to do so.
Perhaps a short message to her mum saying that you are ok and doing your best to take good care of your health might be beneficial to send, although I would leave that at least a few days before doing so and I wouldn’t talk to her mum about the relationship that you have with her daughter at thid time.
@Sparky Is it really that bad, she might be dating someone now. Or maybe in a relationship already.
My Ex is dating or has been dating someone else.
I know that there is a temptation to push for a reunion due to fear that your Ex may move on, but being over keen to hurry things along is likely to push your Ex further away so all the advice out there seems to suggest. I have certainly tried everything but space and time and failed miserably over the last 5 months since I split from my Ex. I have made several of the common mistakes listed, including turning up unannounced and speaking to friends of my Ex. I can’t believe how stupid I have been at times through desperation to get things back on track. I need to relax and turn back in to the man that my Ex initially done for. Let her do the chasing again.
I really feel so miserable right now. I texted her twice today and called her twice… I’m so stupid. I should have controlled myself. I even talk to her bestfriend and Mom early. I’ve made a really huge mistake. Not even a reply from her.
@shawns Don’t blame yourself and try to learn from any mistakes you feel that you make.
Stay strong, don’t send.any more messages for the time being and restart yout NC. They might message you back as yet, just give it time. If they do message you back then at least.let some time pass before you respond to them again.
Is going to there house tomorrow a big no no? I really wanted to see her.
I would say so yes @shawns if she hasn’t agreed to you turning up, but what do I know. I am in to 5 months of failing and totally lost. Good luck!
She doesn’t know (I guess). Is the NC rule really effective?
She hasn’t replied to my text and call earlier…