My “First Contact” situation turned out to be different than the EBP system prepared me for, so I’d like advice on how to do the follow-up / ACT rebuilding.
Here’s the background info:
(1) He broke up with me without a clear explanation of why. I was blind-sided, but handled it graciously. (Seriously. My therapist was impressed!)
(2) We work together (teachers), so it’s not unusual for us to see each other every weekday.
(3) I succeeded in the no-contact period (as much as possible considering we work together and have been keeping our relationship private … and we returned few items to each other with minimal contact).
Here’s how my First Contact situation is different:
The day before the four-week no contact period ended, he called my classroom for a reason that I thought was pointless (something about a student), but that I later realized was an excuse to talk to me. Since it was right before NC ended, I waited a couple of days and called his classroom with a less-lame (and hopefully less obvious) reason: asking the name of a cheesesteak place we’d eaten, since we had to stay at work for evening conferences and I had a craving for a cheesesteak. Mind you, I remembered the name of the place, but I thought it was a pretty good reason to call him and see what he would do with it. He texted me soon after saying that he’d like to join me if I didn’t mind some company. I accepted (a simple, “Sure, that would be fine”) and he even offered to drive.
He opened doors for me (which he did all through the relationship, so it surprised me a bit, but I’m also not reading into it), we chatted between bites, and it was a little awkward, but just due to having to avoid certain topics that wouldn’t have had to be avoided if we’d only ever been friends and not romantically involved. (Examples of topics avoided: our relationship, the breakup, “Are you seeing anyone?”)
After that, we still had time before we had to return to work and he said he had to grab something from his place, so we stopped there, he invited me in, and we watched a little TV (from opposite ends of the couch) before heading back to work. All very casual with a touch of awkwardness. No mention of the relationship or the breakup (go, me!), although he did bring up the vacation we took together this summer.
During dinner, he had mentioned a situation with a student whose name I remembered, but I couldn’t remember quite who she was. I remembered on the way home, so the next afternoon, I briefly texted him about her, he replied, and I responded. Left it at that. Me, him, me. Short messages, but I casually wove in a happy “us” memory. (During the wooing period, he would randomly pick up hot chocolate for me during his lunch period and drop it off in my classroom. The first time this student saw it happen, she gushed about how nice he was, which I had relayed to him back then, so my text involved something like, “I remembered who she was on my way home. She’s the one who …”)
Now here’s my question (or, more accurately, my questions):
Since he was the one to make first contact and we ended up on a non-date soon after at his suggestion (though I totally gave him the opening on purpose), how do I proceed?
Do I treat it as if we went through the initial texting-again period to start rebuilding friendship and pick up after the first face-to-face?
Do I strike up a short text convo a day or two from now (which will be four or five days since the non-date), wait a couple days, text convo again and end with a suggestion that we meet up for coffee?
Do I send The Letter and mention that I enjoyed our cheesesteak conversations and am glad we’re now on friendly terms? (The problem I see with that is that he doesn’t check his mail regularly, so it might turn into a why-isn’t-he-talking-to-me, why-isn’t-she-talking-to-me situation.)
Since he brought up our vacation, dare I half-jokingly suggest during a text-convo that we make a pact to go on vacation together next summer as friends if we’re both single at the time? (Is that a lighthearted “give him something to think about” option, or would that just be super weird?)
Honest (but gentle!) advice is appreciated. Thanks.