Just trying to help you if I can and it’s not a bother for me. Good luck
Day 8 of no contact. Why is she not texting me at all? I’m scared.
Okay here the deal bro. Snooping always bad. Refrain. Next assuming. Something thinking that other people are saying or doing bad stuff to us make us look bad. (Trust me bad) show her stability. Well i also see you have a hard time of not speaking. Here’s the thing about nc. You create a shroud of mystery and cover yourself upon it. But if you talk too much. She will know everything about you. That would mean she wouldnt be interested in a story she already knows the answer to. Become unpredictable. Now. Show you are a good friend to her. But not too much. A pushover is never good. It’s like this “you are special so I’ll do this for you but there are limits” kind of stuff. She is currently a friend. And if she doesnt value her you should start valuing her time less. You know like when she invites you. You occasionally decline. Why? She is not a priority anymore. If she valued you more you would have given her better treatment. Do it in a nice way tho like. “Im sorry im busy studying” or “Im at a friends house and i need to finish something before the deadline or whatever.” Why? She needs to value you more. Project higher value. Improve if necessary. Study harder. Exercise. Meet new people. Do anything that will make you a perfect choice.
If there ia something you dont understand feel free to ask.
O yeah and if you seem certainly like your in the zone where in she says “you a good friend” dont and i mean dont reply. Start nc immediately like a week. I know that one sucks. But you have to avoid being that good friend. You want to be a great find. Not a great friend.
People who cant leave their exs usually are people who cant adjust without a certain person in his or her life and has fear. It differ from each person. Now. You need to improve on how you interact to her. Give her a shocker. Dude. No contact. She’s doing you a favor. If she exts you in the middle of it you would lose all composure. Actually you are probably losing it now. Remember those who usually speak more fk up more. Less is best when it come to these. Lessen emotion. Lessen stess. Stop thinking ahead. You dont need to be two steps ahead. Just focus on yourself for now. Im sure there is an aspect in yourself even you dont like?
Thank you for replying! It means a lot.
We haven’t had any contact in 8 days now. I don’t think I’m even her friend right now? She just seems completely fine without hearing anything from me and it scares me. If she would text me something, I’d probably freak out but at least I’d know she still cares, you know? It just looks like she is forgetting about me.
(I’m a girl btw haha, I don’t know if you read the full story like what happened before I started NC, I posted it here: https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/is-there-still-a-chance-for-us-i-could-use-some-help/)
You continue to torture yourself. Please stop wondering what she thinks or what she is doing! Caring about someone and wanting to be with someone is a relationship are two different things. If she texts, don’t freak, and don’t answer. You have annoyed her too much already! You’re going to the concert at the end of the month…take it from there.
I know I’m torturing myself. It’s just that every single day that she doesn’t text me, I’m scared she’s just forgetting about me. What if she doesn’t text me, not even on the day of the concert?
Day 13 of no contact. I’m feeling better and I’m trying to focus on other things. I’m just wondering… What does it mean that she hasn’t contacted me either?
Nobody knows for sure what it means, but I can assure you she won’t forget you. How could she forget how annoying you were. How could she forget you interrogated her about everything. And she hasn’t forgotten that she wanted you to stop talking about feelings, and yet you persisted. You also begged and pleaded after the break up. My guess is she is recuperating from all that. She is happier now that she finally has breathing room away from all the drama. Congrats on no contact for 13 days and please continue it until maybe the day before the concert, then contact via text like only to say “See you at the concert. Looking forward to it”. Keep the text short and cheerful.
I’m glad you’re feeling better and trying to focus on other things:)
Update! Today my country got attacked. There were several bombings at one of our airports and on several subways. About fifty people died. My brother works in the city that got attacked and he had to be evacuated but he’s okay. My heart aches for all the people involved. This world saddens me.
My ex texted me. This was day 15 of no contact. I know I’m not supposed to reply but people died today and she was worried. She texted me: ‘I know you’re safe, but I saw your tweet about your brother and your train on Thursday goes through Brussels… I hope everyone is okay. Stay safe x’
I replied: ‘Thanks for texting me. My brother is okay and so am I. How are you? x’
Her: ‘I’m good, just a little shocked. I always thought we would be safe here in our little country. How are you? x’
Me: ‘Same. It saddens me that things like these happen every single day all over the world and we can’t do anything to stop it. My brother got evacuated and he was so scared. I was supposed to go to my best friend in Brussels tonight and I had to be there tomorrow as well but I cancelled everything. I’m so confused. x’
Her: ‘Sigh… I’m confused as well, but I’m relieved that everyone is safe. We weren’t allowed to leave school but I was hungry so I went to my dorm. x Just stay away from Brussels for a while x’
Me: ‘I just hope they’ll stop. You and your food! Are you gonna stay at your dorm today? Just to be safe. And yes, I will. x’
Her: ‘I have class again in a bit so I’m going but yeah after that I’ll just stay at my dorm 
x’
I didn’t reply anymore. Should I send her something else or not? Just something like ‘Just be safe x’? I also think the concert next Wednesday is gonna be cancelled so I don’t really know where to go from here…
Hi Lily, I’m in the United States, but I heard about the terrorist attacks in Brussels on the news this morning. Our prayers are with you!
No, don’t reply anymore. You’ve both asked each other if you’re okay, assured each other that you were, and also said to stay safe.
You’ll have to wait and see about the concert, but I hope and pray things will calm down so everyone can get back to their normal lives as best they can…
Stay safe that is the only thing I wish for you. Well here it goes again. 1. You should have a long conversation with him. Giving him any info about your life makes you an open book. No one wants to read a book that even they could predict the ending. You don’t actually have to change during nc tho but, being your best self helps. Remember your ex fell in love with you a long time ago. Or what something. It is a advantage you can most definitely use.
Hey Patricia! Thank you. It all feels so weird. I never thought this could happen in my country.
So I don’t know what’s happening with my ex… After the texts on Tuesday because of the attacks, we kept texting for the past couple of days. So Tuesday, Wedneysday and today. Not the smartest thing to do but it just happened. These attacks made me realize even more that I want her in my life. I asked her if she wanted more contact again and she said ‘Yes, of course! We can try.’ We didn’t text much, just a couple of casual texts each day. She hadn’t replied in a long time today so I asked her if she was still sure she wanted more contact and she said ‘Oh yay drama again, I just didn’t know what to reply. It’s our first conversation again, do you really want to talk about feelings now?’
I don’t really know what I did wrong because I was just making sure she was okay with this and I wasn’t talking about feelings at all. I told her ‘I’m just making sure you are okay with this x’
She then said ‘I just didn’t know what to say x’ And then immediately after that another text: ‘I’m going on that family trip I told you about a while ago in a few minutes. My phone has like 20% and I forgot my charger in my suitcase ooops. My dad has to work late and the suitcases are in his car so I don’t have my charger so I won’t be able to text much now until I can charge my phone tonight x’
I said : ‘Have fun on your weekend! x’
Her: ‘Thank you! x’
Me a few hours later: ‘Oh and I saw Laura (her sister’s child) on your snapchat. Give her a hug from me! I miss her. x’
She hasn’t replied yet but her phone is dead for sure.
Oh also: one of our mutual friends asked her if she missed me on Tuesday and she said that she does miss me, that it’s weird that she doesn’t know what I’m doing all the time and what I’ve been up to and that she has been thinking about ‘what if things hadn’t gone wrong’ a few times these past few weeks.
She is acting a bit hot and cold towards me, I think? Do you think she might be starting to miss me a little? I don’t really know. Maybe these two weeks without contact have helped her to start thinking about our good memories. What do you think? Should I start doing no contact again until the concert or?
OMG!! You had already asked if she wanted more contact and she said yes, we can try. Then because she hadn’t replied in a while today, you asked her AGAIN if she was sure!! It seems you don’t know when to quit nagging her and yes it’s drama when you harp on the same thing over and over! Now (again!) you’re wondering if she misses you. MAYBE in the two weeks of no contact she MIGHT have started to remember good memories, but you RUINED it by more drama! Yes, absolutely do the no contact. If you text or talk later in the coming days, DO NOT talk about feelings. Keep it casual. And don’t keep texting and texting and texting. If she texts you first, reply with a short upbeat text and don’t ask a question as she would probably think it’s respectful to text again and there you go, off to the races again. Too much texting isn’t a good thing in your situation. Give her a chance to breathe. Hope you two will be able to go to the concert, but keep it casual. Geez, I can almost feel how exasperated she must be with you. Sorry for the harsh words, but if you ever want another chance, you need to stop obsessing.
Wishing you the best…
Hi Patricia, you are absolutely right as always.
I shouldn’t have asked her to have more contact again. I’m just not ready for it. I want to talk to her but it just all feels so weird and I get insecure (that’s why I asked her again). It feels like we’re complete strangers. I just want us to be us again. Be happy again.
She replied at like 10pm on Friday: ‘She is sleeping right now so I can’t 
x’
I didn’t reply anymore. We haven’t had any contact yesterday or today. I’m conflicted about the concert on Wednesday. I’m scared I’ll screw up again.
You shouldn’t have asked her TWICE about contact. Feeling insecure is no excuse! She is sick and tired of the extreme texting, but trying to be as polite as she can about it. You’re draining her dry and don’t seem to understand that it makes her want to avoid you and all the drama. Sure it all feels weird and like you’re strangers, it’s due to the change in the relationship and you not being okay with it. You mentioned being happy again, but in spite of having some good times, she was not happy or satisfied with the relationship and wanted space. I guess the main reason was your clingy neediness and constant talking about feelings. She told you from the beginning that she didn’t think she was ready for a relationship, but you persisted. Then she broke it off and wanted to be friends. But now you’re ruining that too by being over-the-top emotional about everything. If you think you can’t control your emotions and will screw up at the concert, don’t go.
I’m not going to the concert tonight. I’m not ready to see her. We had a huge fight over text yesterday and everything went wrong and I freaked out and messed up again. I’m not ready for any contact with her. I keep messing up. I’m going to restart no contact until May 1st.
I’m glad you’re not going to the concert and I’m positive she is too. My gosh, when are you going to stop messing up? You have no self control and it wouldn’t be a good idea to contact her at all until you get a handle on your emotions! A great deal of time focusing on your own life and other things, might help you with that.
Is there any way I can private message you or something?