I was with this guy for 1 year and 6 months. Our relationship was amazing and we were so in love. But in the last 6 months, my depression medication stopped working and I was having horrible symptoms. I wasn’t me. I irritable, I lashed out, I cried and complained constantly, honestly I was a mess I know I caused him a ton of stress. I didn’t realize it was happening because I was so busy with school.
Right before our breakup I was worse than ever - suicidal, not getting out of bed, not going to class, etc. Then he dumped me. “I’m unhappy. I don’t love you.” My world crashed and burned.
I flipped out. I begged him to give me some time to get new meds and go to therapy and get better, but he didn’t think I would change. I tried to be strong, but I felt so alone and hopeless. I wanted to die. I sent him text after text and called him over and over begging him to just talk to me. He was my best friend and now I felt like I had no one. Eventually, he got angry and blocked my number. (Not that I blame him.)
After a week of therapy, I sent him an email letting him know I was getting better. He told our friends he was happy and would be willing to talk to me again. I was thrilled. I sent him a message asking if we could arrange a time to exchange stuff (he had my two favorite books, I had his hockey stick.) But he wouldn’t respond. He got a mutual friend to bring my stuff to me and get his stuff. He told her that he just wants space this summer.
I was heartbroken. Does he really hate me so much that he can’t even face me? Or is he hurting more than he lets on?
Now I’m stuck. I have no idea how he feels - he’s so cold but he’s also so angry. I know that we can work again, because these symptoms aren’t me, and they’re what made him unhappy. Once i’m myself again, I know I can make him happy.
How do I convince him that I am not the sum of my symptoms? How do I let him know that we can be happy again once I’m better? Is all hope lost after a broke down and made a fool of myself?
I have an email written and ready, explaining what the depression did to me and how it wasn’t me. I explain that I’m getting better everyday and soon I’ll be back to the girl he fell in love with. I express my feelings that I deserve a second chance to make him happy and fix the relationship I broke.
But when do I send it? Do I give him the summer and send it right before we go back to school? Or do I send it now and give him something to think about while he has his space?
I know I have lots of questions, but I hope you guys can help me with this tricky situation!