Im on day 24 of the no contact, I started it immediately after he broke up with me after 3 years because he “didnt want to be in a serious relationship, we are too young to commit/know we want to be with each other forever, I dont want to marry the person im with now…” e.t.c…almost a kind of grass MIGHT be greener on the other side mindset. He was upset, i was upset…but he said it was better in the long run. We’ve had a an amazing relationship, no fights, literally the same person intwined into one, and survived long distance for a year only seeing each other once and still being amazing after. this break up was completely out of the blue and coming up to our 3 year anniversary
Im finding NC really hard Its coming to the end, I havent heard from him and I havent made an attempt to contact him. His sister says he still loves me and misses me but thought this was for the best. The thought of him being with another person makes me feel so sick!
Im scared to contact him now though incase I come across as needy! should I wait longer? This was a truly amazing relationship…I can’t just let it go without fighting for it trying to play it cool and think ive done okay so far, i dont want to ruin my chances
You’ve came this far…don’t give in now. I gave in after 3 weeks and I wish I had left it longer I got a really positive response back but still wished I had left it longer! So just be sure that you’ve given it long enough.
As long as you send a message that doesn’t mention anything about getting back together or what happened and projects a positive (not miserable) you! am sure you can’t go wrong.
It’s really scary initiating the first contact-I felt utterly sick-but you just gotta do it! You’ve wauted this long…!
very true! thanks so much. It is scary - I dont want to give off the impression Im needy it is scary - im going to wait 30 days and do it the day after. He’s at a party saturday night…I feel really sick about him going and meeting new people, so yes, ill text him the day after! thanks for the advice
Are any of you responding if he contacts you? My ex and I broke up only a few weeks ago but he texted me a few days ago basically saying he misses me (he used one of our inside jokes). I never responded and I’m truly regretting it. Everything inside of me wants to say SOMETHING. To show him I’m happy and bubbly. Ugh crap - what should I do?
“You have to understand that even if your ex starts to miss you during the no contact and they contact you, they will easily pick up on your neediness and the fact that you are obsessed about them. And when they do, they will again lose their attraction.”
Sorry guys/girls, (as for right now) I’m hell bent on my NC and I’m encouraging others to do the same I’ve been tossing around the idea in my head for a bit as to when to contact my ex, only after she contacts me and only after the time limit I’ve set…
What do you think about once they start coming off as needy?
Well the thing is HE contacted ME. And I never responded. So is responding now coming off as needy?
The last few times we talked I was not myself (obviously I am hurting and he knows that). I wanted a chance to show him the girl he originally fell for. He’s a smart guy and doesn’t ask girls to be exclusive unless he sees value in them. He saw that in me. I don’t want to give up on this.
He ended things because he travels a ton and felt it wasn’t fair to me, but said he still wants to see me. However he can’t be exclusive anymore. Doesn’t take any sense to me.
I’m awesome. Confident. Pretty. Smart. Cool. He sees that in me. Why would he throw that away?
Idk, if you’re asking me (again I am not where you’re at right now in my NC), but I would wait. I would wait a few more times that he’s tried to contact you and put him in the position you’ve been in since he broke it off with you. If he wants you as bad as you want him, he will still be there. Make him think about it and work for you a little bit. Ya know?
My experience as a guy, is if a girl is too easy, she’s not worth keeping. There needs to be a little push and pull… Not straight up games, but a little hard to get. a little. Just my 2 cents as a guy.
How long has it been? I’m only on day 4, but I’m feeling pretty good about mine. I had been prepping myself for this since we last saw each other, so it was just a matter of seeing her do the things she’s doing on FB and it’s all because I’m not contacting her.
Have you read through all the info on this site, NC/sneaky signs, rebound relationship/why you should wait before getting your ex back?
I’ve read and reread and reread them… No guarantee I’ll get everything right and understand everything, but I’m committed to seeing this through. Just like I’m committed to making the relationship between my ex and I work, if she deems me important enough to stick with me.
He may… He may be just looking to see if you’re still acting needy. I’m 34 and my ex is 32. She has two kids and I have one. Possibly a little more reason I need to know if she’s worth me and in it for the long haul.
Last time we talked was 6 days ago. Like I said he contacted me 4 days ago but I never responded. We were supposed to get together to talk about everything… But we haven’t yet.
So are you responding if your ex contacts you? Or doing the complete NC for awhile?
I’ve read most of the articles. Honestly anything I can do to stop feeling so anxious is what I’m doing. I can’t even explain how much I miss him. And my fear is he thinks I’ve moved on.
This is what I’m living by and every time I feel the urge to send her a message to share with her something we use to share together, this is what I read (from why you should wait before…):
"In most cases, your ex is almost as miserable after the breakup as you. It’s just that your needy actions make them feel like they are in control of this relationship. It makes them feel like they can have you whenever they want. It makes them feel like they have all the power. Even though they are hurt from the breakup, the fact that a person so desperately wants to be with them gives them a huge ego boost. And that makes it a little bit easier for them to deal with the breakup.
If you take away that ego boost from them, then you are leveling the playing field. In fact, you gain the upper hand because if you stop contacting your ex, chances are they will contact you soon. And when they do, YOU DON’T PICK UP THEIR CALL. This might infuriate them, but it will also break their ego. It will also make them realize how much miserable they are without you.
Now, I don’t advocate playing power games when you are in a relationship. But this is not a relationship, it’s the post breakup relationship. And having power in this relationship is important if you want to get your ex back. Because the more power you have, the more attractive you are to your ex.
However, when you do get back together, I recommend you have a relationship based on honesty and understanding, instead of trying to control the relationship. Because only a relationship that is based on honesty and understanding can stand the test of time."
That’s my motivation. And in the meantime, I’m working on myself and adjusting certain behaviors that caused the relationship to go sour. I’m also setting boundaries for myself for future relationships, or one with my ex if that’s going to happen, where I’m setting respect boundaries and if she crosses them, then I will act accordingly to show her I’m not going to put up with it. She can make the choice to leave again, or correct her behavior. I would hope she would do the same with me as well. Partners need to keep each other in check in a relationship and also respect themselves as well as their partner. That’s my idea anyways.
Trust me, I know how you feel. I get waves of anxiety coming and going when I think about her not coming back. BUT, you have to just accept that he will not come back, work on yourself and have faith that it will work out how it’s suppose to work out. If he moves on because you didn’t respond to his attempt to contact, then do you think he really had the feelings you wanted him to have for you?
I completely agree with everything above. However, what if there weren’t any major “flaws” in the relationship. He wanted to end the relationship because of his job and the fact he is/was traveling a ton. He didn’t want to waste my time (even though I was okay with him traveling). Another thing he mentioned was that he couldn’t be exclusive anymore. I’m assuming with his travels he didn’t want to fight the urge to hold back… and didn’t want to cheat on me. All in all he didn’t lie or cheat.
He made comments like 1) I’ve never been this vulnerable with someone. 2) asked me to be exclusive after 1 month - which he hasn’t done in over a year.
So ya… it’s still hard for me to understand his reasoning for the break up. Unless he just wants to be single before settling down with a “woman of value” aka me.
What are some things you’re doing to improve yourself?
I’ll respond more when I get back, but I have to get ready for my date this afternoon <—That being the first I’m doing to improve myself, the 2nd is trying my hardest to have control of myself and not let someone dictate my mental/physical health. I think that last one is probably the most important. Whenever the thought of her enters my head, I replace it with something that makes me happy, and preferably NOT of my ex. There will come a time where I can let the good things of her back in, but for right now, it’s removing her from my mental state for a while and get a little dose of someone who does want to spend time with me… friends, date, animals…
I think there’s A LOT of things you’re all missing here.
The longer an ex goes without contacting you, the more worried you should be and the more LIKELY they have moved on or are in the process of moving on. I think that period is anywhere after a month.
I also feel that ignoring your ex, or ANYBODY in general, is EXTREMELY rude and will get you NO WHERE.
If my dumper ex randomly sent me a text telling me she missed me, I would be inclined to answer her (the next day if she sends her text after 7pm). I would ask her out.
I’d REALLY go against avoiding the text altogether because they ex is just going to assume you don’t want to speak to them.
These are my two cents though … if you want to ignore them go ahead.
SolidTurd, Under normal circumstances I would 100% agree with you. The thought of not responding to someone who took time and effort and thought to communicate with me, is a huge blow to my normal modus operandi, but this is not normal circumstances. Emergencies, yes… but “I miss you” is only an emergency if you’re in need of an emergency. But, as SolidTurd say’s, do what you want to do. Only you know your situation, yourself and your ex Date time
I’ve been tossing around the idea in my head for a bit as to when to contact my ex, only after she contacts me and only after the time limit I’ve set…