Ok,
So this is going to be a LONG story so please bear with me. (I will try and keep it as short as I can)
That being said, me and my ex-fiancee had a very fast and hot relationship. We both felt a tremendous love for each other and even told each other that we loved one another after 5 days of dating. It was a very passionate and loving relationship full of emotion and openness that neither of us had ever experienced.
The first time we broke up was 3 month into the relationship. She had a 8 month old son and wanted to reconcile with the father to try and give her son the family she thought they deserved. During this time I begged and pleaded and sent texts and wrote poems and etc. After a week she called me and said that she had made a huge mistake and wanted to come back to me. I took her back with open arms and our relationship began to flourish and was better then ever. After another month I asked her to marry me, went out and bought her a $5000 ring and moved in together with her and her 2 children. For a while life was great.
Then her close cousin who she hadn’t seen in 10 years had gotten out of treatment, she wanted to be there for him to support his recovery. After awhile all of the time with the cousin began to take away from our time together and I became bitter. I asked her to stop and to spend more time with me but she continued to ignore me and my feelings anyways and continue to spend time with him, and all the while he was telling her that she should leave me because he didn’t like me as a person. After 3 months of this I couldn’t take it and we fought and I said I was going to leave her She said fine, so I stormed up to my fathers house and proceeded to call her later that night saying that I was wrong and sick and I didn’t want to breakup. She said it was too late and for me to get my stuff and move out. So I did. During this break up I did the same as before, calling, texting and begging her to come to her senses and let me come home. She continuously told me “no”. Within 10 days she called me crying and said that she wanted me to come home and that she had made a huge mistake. I came home and everything was great for a few weeks. She showered me with love and affection and the cousin was no longer an issue.
Then one day she wanted to go see her cousin after I got off of work and I said that would be okay. Over the course of the day the resentment towards the cousin had built up inside of me and had texted her that she had to make a choice either it was me or the cousin and that he couldn’t be a part of her life anymore and I gave her the ultimatum (something we swore we wouldn’t do to each other). We argued about it my entire drive home when I had finally went back on my word and said that it would be okay for her to see her cousin and that we would figure out a better schedule.
A few days later her phone broke and so she had went up to her cousins house to get a new phone and visit, when she arrived home I realized that she was not wearing her engagement ring, when I questioned her she said that it had pinched her finger and she had it in her pocket. Immediately I became completely passive aggressive and upset not believing her eventually she had showed me the bruise that the ring had given her from being pinched, at this point I was already so pissed that I had to find something else to argue about so I brought up the cousin thing again and said she could only see him once ever 2 months, she said that wasn’t good enough, I once again put the ultimatum on the table and began to pack my bags, she said I was being crazy and that I should stop and we could figure this out. I was angry and stormed out of the house vowing to never come back… I then proceeded to wait by the door to see if she would chase me, which she didn’t. I then turned around and went back into the house and told her I was being crazy and that we can figure this out. After a long discussion we decided that it may be best to take a step back on the relationship and work it out slowly.
She then woke me up at 4:30 and told me that she had to go help her friend with her paper route, I got upset about it and texted her all night long not believing where she was at. The next morning she didn’t even kiss me as I left for work and texted me saying that I should grab my things and stay at my fathers for the night. Later she texted that she was going to sleep. I sent her a big long text about how much I loved her and how we could work this out and how I am super sorry and etc. She simply textd back “no”. She said she was not willing to put her kids through this drama anymore and that I was unstable.
I lost it.
I proceeded to call her 137 times while I drove to her house, after realizing she wasn’t there I went to her best friends house knowing that’s where she would be. I showed up and banged on the door and yelled and screamed like a mad man until the cops showed up. I told the cops I just wanted my things. They spoke to my ex and said that I could pick my things up at 8pm from her house. That wasn’t good enough for me so I drove over to her house broke in the patio door and grabbed my things and left. She called me when she got home questioning me about it and I screamed at her for breaking my heart.
She then changed her phone number, blocked me on instagram and facebook… but I still knew her email address so I sent her several apology emails and begged just as I had before. Sending textx and calling her friends and family telling them to help her get her head straight. She only every replied once simply saying that she and her children are scared and I need to stay away. So for 3 days I did, until I remember that I knew her gmail password, so I logged into her account and found her new phone number. I then proceeded to send her a long romantic text about how much I loved her and missed her and needed her. She called me screaming and told me I was crazy and immediately blocked me from being able to contact her on the new phone number. So I began to email her again, one night I got upset and went to a different ex’s house and had sex with her. I then emailed my ex fiancee the next day telling her I stayed at my friend Matts house and that I was only 5 minutes away if she wanted to talk. She replied telling me to call her from a different phone number, So I went to the gas station and called her, she then proceeded to tell me that she was getting a restraining order against me. She then emailed me a few hours later and told me to call her one more time and that she wouldn’t report me, so I called and she said that she spoke to my step-mom to inform her about the restraining order and that my step mom told her that I had stayed at the ex gfs house and not my friend Matt’s. She called me every name in the book and hung up on me.
I broke the restraining order by sending her a heartfelt letter, some of her favorite candies and the original engagment rings I had given her (not the $5000 one). I recieved a text from the cousin saying that I am stupid and I am going to jail, thanks for the candy and we all got a good laugh out of your letter.
Since then I have been posting depressing songs and quotes all over my facebook and instagram accounts hoping that she will see them and let me come home.
Are the steps on this site even still workable given the restraining order and crazy ways that I acted?
What should I do now?