Okay,
At the end of last year and the beginning of this year my life Began to go in a positive and amazing direction. Only to fall apart in the end.
Let me explain. I met a lovely woman and I began to do what all men do and try to get her attention. Amazingly every time I spoke to her I grew more confident And eventually invited around with two other friends for lunch Amazingly she said yes. And eventually I had the courage to ask her out for dinner where it was just going to be the two of us. The friendship grew very quickly. Even though I worked away and spent most of January February and march in a different country. So our method of communication was text messaging. The messages when I was away never really stopped. At least three messages per day where sent between us.
When I was back home, We would always make as much effort to be Around each other’s company. I remember one evening When she was lying on the sofa and we were talking and the subject of relationships came up thinking we were talking about some friends of ours. At this point I said you do know I have feelings for you. (She must’ve been blind if you didn’t)
Amazingly she just smiled and said yes I had noticed, And I also feel the same way.
Couple of days later we were talking and we agreed that we would now officially a couple. (Just need to explain that we are slightly older than the normal boyfriend and girlfriend scenario. Late 30s early 40s)
We carried on exploring our friendship but one thing I need to explain is we are both religious (Christians). We actually met in a church. So we had to set some boundaries (yep no sex before marriage). This was fine and I had no problem with this. I know with my girlfriend. We Both had her in places. We agreed that we would not stay over we just visit each other Sometimes staying late but never overstepping boundaries.
Let’s just say it was going very well until we were talking about marriage and having children. We realised that time is not necessarily on our side when considering starting a family. Let’s say I’m the one in the 30s so obviously my girlfriend was in her 40s.
That evening I said I was one way to sort this out “marry me” my girlfriend spun round on the sofa very straight in the eyes and said are you serious. I didn’t even need to pause I said totally.
She said okay. At this point I did pause for a few seconds and said that was probably the most lame way of a pug marriage proposal I never heard of but did that just happen. We both laughed and agreed that we had. My girlfriend then went home because we realise we were both getting quite excited and again didn’t want to overstep any boundaries.
You’re probably wondering Why I’m writing all this has so far this sounds like an amazing story. But he will see what happens and why I need help.
That weekend we both went out and selected an engagement ring. We decided we wanted to get married quite quickly. Had around about six months to organise the wedding.
Happily my fiance let me organise most of the things regarding the wedding. But I did keep her very much involved in all of this. We visited hotels looked at different venues and entertainment together. Even booking but they knew and registry office.
One weekend, I was round my apartment cooking dinner, and having a drink. My girlfriend had had a couple of extra drinks to normal. I knew what she was doing, A judgement may have been slightly off due to the alcohol. Let’s just say we broke a Boundry. This didn’t happen one night of that weekend. But happened the Friday the Saturday and the Sunday…
On the Thursday I had a day off and so did my fiancé. I went round in the morning to pick her up and we had a cup of tea. Whilst we were drinking a cup of tea she brought up the subject of what happened that weekend. We both agreed that it shouldn’t of happened but we understood that it’s a normal thing between two loving people. It was just a religion side of it that we needed to ask forgiveness for. And the set of boundaries.
At this point I thought okay all good let’s move on. But about three weeks later the subject kept coming up about that weekend. I kept apologising and saying that yes we should’ve done it but we need to accept what’s happened asked for forgiveness forgive each other and move forward with new boundaries in place .
Eventually I was away all weekend and come back on the bank on the Monday. Went round not to cook dinner just to visit and have a cup of tea in the evening. And ended up having a very serious conversation that my fiance started. By the end of the conversation she had handed me back the ring.
At this point I was in pieces. And left as I didn’t want to say anything that I couldn’t take back. I ended up going round a friends place. And talking to him about everything that happened. (I mean everything that happened, that weekend included).
The following day I was at work but not really concentrating. My boss found out that the engagement was off and come up and saw me. And said go and see her talk to her and see if there’s anything you can do to repair this. He didn’t know what happened he just knew I was in a messed up place.
I met with my fiance about an hour later. And we agreed that it gone very fast and we would still be Boyfriend and girlfriend it was just the engagement bits that we needed to pause.
I was okay with this. But after another two or three weeks it was still not the same. And eventually my girlfriend said them words but I did not want to hear. Let’s just be friends. At the time I straightaway said I can’t do that. What was even more confusing because when she got out of the car she grabbed my hand and said I was okay with this. But after another two or three weeks it was still not the same. And eventually my girlfriend said them words but I didn’t want to hear. Let’s just be friends. At the time I straightaway said I can’t do that. What was even more confusing because when she got out of the car she grabbed my hand and said “ I do care for you “ Totally confusing.
The next few weeks are complete blur. I was in a complete mess. Actually I have some amazing friends around me who there when I needed them. I did try to make contact with her on many occasions but only to be rejected. Eventually he did agree to meet up, I think we met up two times within the first couple of weeks but each time I was weak and emotional. And came across needy. Which now I understand was not attractive.
I eventually, agreed a third meet up on a Sunday afternoon. But at the last minute she cancelled on the Saturday evening. This was the last straw in my mind. I text were not rude but were quite blunt. As hers was very blunt as well. On the Sunday I text her around about 6 o’clock in the evening and said I am deleting all the photos, messages and anything linked to a relationship from my phone. I am now deleting your number. I have no means of communicating to you. Should you wish to talk in the future, please keep my number and let me know.
The next 3 1/2 weeks for the most painful times of my life. My emotions were everywhere. I would’ve done anything to see her, talk to her, I just know she was okay. I even brought a mountain bike so I can cycle around the town just on the off chance I may bump into her.
Amazingly, I was in the office last Monday and my phone received a message. From her at first I didn’t want to read it. But eventually did. She was ready to meet up and talk about where our relationship had broken down. I agreed that I would meet a couple of days later in a park nearby where we both live. We met up that evening and we talked for over three hours. We talked about where we went wrong. He also found out that some people have been winding up the Situation, by spreading rumours that were not true behind our backs. (I Deal with them some other time)
The moment other people are not important.
At the end of the conversation I asked the question but I probably shouldn’t have. Where do we go from here. You said let’s be friends and see what happens.
I did say okay to this. But also said that see what happens. Means we are both single and if an opportunity comes up in a different relationship. We should explore it and not just let it go by.
The reason why I said this was more because I felt she said this so that she had control. I’m by saying what I said the control was taken away. (I’m not just sitting here waiting for her to change your mind) I could move on if I had to. It’s I just don’t want to.
This weekend just gone. I text her and asked if she wanted to meet up and go out on the mountain bikes around the local park in the afternoon on Saturday. She quickly replied and agreed yes that would be brill. We met up and went round the park for about an hour. In this time we did not talk about our previous relationship at all. We just had a good laugh together. And enjoyed each other’s company. When I got home she text me and said how much she enjoyed going out on the bikes that evening. I text back and said let me know if you want to do it again sometime when you’re free. She Reply with okay.
Due to the fact that the weather is slightly changing and health issue that is preventing me for the next week all going out on the mountain bike. I text her this evening. Asking if she’d be up for going to the cinema one evening this week. I’m conscious that I’m away this weekend. And when I get back she is away for a week. Plus I’m then away for about three weeks at the end of next month. So I don’t have much free time around to meet up.
I’ve not yet had a reply regarding meeting up at the cinema. Slightly panicking thinking am I pushing her too much. Also I think the fact that we can’t meet up that much over the next few weeks is concerning me.
I probably should be saying to myself the old saying. Absence makes the heart grow Fonda. But when the absence is your partner, friend fiance. It makes your heart hurt.
As I’ve been writing this. I’ve answered most of the questions that I wanted to ask. Is it alright to keep the flame/hope alive. Or should I just let go and move on like a lot of my friends keep telling me.
I just want to keep fighting this. I understand what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And I can hundred percent say that 2019 I was made a lot stronger. But bloody hell killed me.
I’m going to post this please feel free to comment. But I haven’t really posted a question. I’ve just written my story.