Lol thanks, I’ll still keep you up to date after I text her. If by some miracle we end up back together I’ll still be talking to you in here, giving advice, saying how I feel etc…
I like you so I want your relationship to work out as much as I want mine to. 
awww that’s nice to hear I’m looking forward to hearing what you will tell us from Tuesday on!
I’m not, I’m scared ?
Ugh… I can’t get over that picture her fking friend posted! She looks so beautiful, I hate him. She always has this seductive “I wanna fck you” face on… They are friends and he’s in a happy relationship with another girl, he takes pictures of like 5 other people but… still, it sucks!
This may be personal lol but she’s likes to be submissive, we never really did anything crazy in bed mostly just the me on top going slowly because… well it hurt her and we are shy. What I’m saying is if we get back together and she wants to do the do… I won’t be shy. ??
Songs I like when I’m sad.
There are more but… takes long to link stuff lol!
Didn’t know Lukas Graham before, catchy song! I listen to a lot more calm songs when I’m sad 
for example like (I’m not sure if we are allowed to link stuff so I won’t do it):
A Change of Heart - The 1975 (or many other song of their new album because he was processing a break up on that album)
Ivy - Frank Ocean
33 “GOD” - Bon Iver
I know that feeling. But hey he is in a relationship and is happy with that girl. And maybe that look she put on was because she was thinking of you? Who knows!
And yeah I bet you are scared but don’t be! You’ll be fine and you can finally show her the improved you
Today is a bad day again… I had a weird feeling throughout the whole day yesterday and started to panic a few times. All my emotions hit me really bad and gave me a lot of anxiety. And since I woke up this morning I have the feeling my ex slept with another girl last night. Of course it’s something I don’t really think is true and I hate that the feeling overcomes me and makes me look like the needy person I don’t want to be anymore, it is like poison and I feel like I’m crazy having thoughts like this 
Do you have those thoughts sometimes too when you feel something bad has happened but you cannot describe it?
Ooooh he contacted me…what shall I do?
“hey (my name), you asked me to check in in like two weeks or so
im up at (friends name) recording
i dont know how i feel to be honest
im very sad some days
but im working a lot on myself
and I think im slowly getting better
your mandala is very nice
i should start doing them more
that was a part of art therapy
i hope your ok anyway
and im sorry for being the person I was in general”
Shall I just ignore that and continue NC? I’m super confused now
Sorry I’m not posting, I stayed up all night so I’m sleeping lol.
Just don’t get anxious and text him something you will regret. Remember if he wants to move on and is seeing another person he’ll do it wheather or not you contact him.
Sorry I’m not of more help, I am very tired and I feel sick. Really try to lighten up, I don’t want you to feel bad
Yeah that’s true. Thanks for your answer anyway. I’ve been sick the past few days and feel like I’m way more emotional than usual which is not good for my own process haha but oh well.
I decided to continue NC and ignore his message for now since he hasn’t asked direct questions that I need to answer right away. I already see things more positive than this morning.
Thank you again and I hope you’ll get better soon!
Lol thanks! I currently feel speed down tho The closer I get to the contact date the more afraid I am.
Don’t be afraid! You made great progress and I’m sure your ex will notice. Distract yourself for two more days (easy, look at how many days of distracting yourself you have behind you!) and gain confident in that you will write her. I hope everything will be fine
What do you think to the things my ex wrote me btw? Do you think it’s a good sign? I’m continuing NC for sure, but I’m a bit confused
Could you tell me again what he wrote? Just to be clear.
he wrote: “hey anni, you asked me to check in in like two weeks or so
im up at (friends name) recording
i dont know how i feel to be honest
im very sad some days
but im working a lot on myself
and I think im slowly getting better
your mandala is very nice
i should start doing them more
that was a part of art therapy
i hope your ok anyway
and im sorry for being the person I was in general”
Oooo I don’t know that’s tough… honestly I have no idea. If it was Maddie I would wait until Wednesday to text her back. Actually mayb I would just not text, he sounds sorry but I don’t know.
If you decide to text him done be rude, don’t blame him or yourself, don’t be needy and don’t talk about the relationship unless he brings it up. Even then keep it short and change the subject discretely.
Do you think it could push him further away if I don’t answer?
I find it’s good that he said sorry but there was no direct question that I need to answer now and I think if I don’t answer it gives me more time to get my head straight about everything and also him to miss me more and work on himself too, no?
Yes that’s true, maybe you should wait it out
Thank you for your advice! I wish you good luck for Tuesday
Her brother just posted a picture of her from last summer, they look so happy and she looks beautiful. I saw it and just started bawling… people say guys shouldn’t be sensitive… fuck that.
I miss her so much, I just want to be able to hold her and tell her I love her. She could be cold, distant, insulting, she could say “I don’t love you” 1000 times and still… I would do anything for her, even tho she’s tho sole purpose why I’m sad I still want her to be happy.
I just wish she would call me and say that she made a mistake. I am so scared to contact her, what if she doesn’t even reply… I wish she knew how I felt right now. The mix of emotions, the amount of love and anger I feel towards her.
Even if the plan fails and we don’t get back together, I don’t think I’ll have the strength to just cut her out of my life…
I am so fucking sad right now. I feel like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from…
Remember when I told you about my childhood? The cancer, alcoholic father, multiple people leaving? Well… I would do that all again if that meant we could have a happy life together.
This may come across as super needy and weird… I don’t really care tho, I still love her and no matter how much I try the whole won’t close. When the pain feels like it’s gone, one memory is all it takes to bring me back to the moment she said “I love you” and “I’m not in love with you”
I’m confused and scared…
I know how you feel though. I think you are only on an emotional rollercoaster again right now because it’s not long anymore until you will contact her and you don’t know what to expect. That’s normal!
But please keep in mind: There is a possibility she might not answer because she isn’t ready yet. Her negative feelings towards you might be still there then and the missing period hasn’t hit her yet.
In that case wait another two weeks. You have to be prepared for it! Also if she is answering cold or you notice it’s not very friendly how she talks to you, wait another 1 or 2 before contacting her again.
In the case she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore in general: You should move on. I know she is the love of your life and you cannot imagine a life without her but: Out there are so many other great people waiting for you even if you cannot see that right now. You won’t end up alone! And the feeling of loss will disappear sometime, time heals everything and then you can look at this period of your life and can tell yourself “I did everything that I could”.
But until that (maybe it will never happen!) happens: Stay calm, deep breaths and concentrate on something else. If the weather is nice today, go for a walk and appreciate all the things you have and gained in your life BESIDES her.
Something that NC should teach us is that we are able to live without our partner and that we don’t need them to be happy. I hope you know that already because you are a good guy and you don’t deserve happiness
So: One last day of distracting yourself! You will be fine. And if you panic: I’m here to talk.