I happened to stumble upon this blog and have seen some great advice. I was hoping to receive some much appreciated advice for my situation. My bf of about a year (currently doing long distance) have had some intense fights in the past that I wanted help to get over. I suggested couples counseling, to help learn to communicate better, a few times to my bf. He became upset and believed that I was saying he was traumatizing me and a shitty bf (not true). I let him cool off for a day and decided to call again. He instead texts me and states that he wants a break ( a month or so) so he can focus on himself and I can focus on me. He then stated we are not healthy for each other now and maybe aren’t meant for each other bc I need counseling and he doesnt think we do. Overall, we shouldn’t be together now and needs space. He got rid of in a relationship on fb but hasn’t blocked me on there or ig. After completely being devastated and in denial that it’s not a break up/just a break (still confused), I can’t help but wonder if I should leave a voicemail or email. I know he wants space, I know he said 30 days but I at least want to tell him that although I love him, I apologize for all the bad and thank him for all the good and will move out of his way if he wants ( could be dating now for all I know) and if he decides to give it another shot I am willing too. I want to come off humble bc I know I can be alot and I think he is the love of my life. I’m so worried about reaching out through phone call/text and he will tell me to f off or block or say he likes someone else. I know I cant stop it. If he wanted to reach out he would but I also dont want him to think I dont care. He is stubborn and can come off cold/manipulative without realizing (he has a ton of emotional baggage). I can see him saying well if she didnt reach out neither will I. He has a history of getting mad and breaking things off for like less than an hour. Additionally, he always said breaks were dumb it’s either all or nothing. I’m confused on his actions, not like him. If he wanted to break it off he would have. Unless he didnt want to confront it. Again sorry for the ramble, grammar, just trying to gather thoughts during this not so good time. I know the whole point of NC is to move on with my life but I canf stop obsessively thinking (not healthy) but it’s the truth.
He wants space, so respect his request and don’t contact him for at least 30 days. But first write a short note to apologize and let him know if he decides to give it another shot, you’re willing to try too. Then do the 30 days.
No relationship is happy with too many arguments! Especially guys want a calm drama free one… If you think you need therapy for anger issues, get the help you need.
Thank you! You’re right, I need it for depression and he needs it for anger. I’m currently on day 9 of no contact. I was gonna send it to him on day 21 (closer to 30 days) and tell him to read it when the 30 days are up so I can start healing Already written, a little long but oh well.
If he has anger issues and doesn’t want to do anything about it, think hard about whether or not you should continue with him! Seems he would make your depression worse… Also it doesn’t make sense to send him a message and ask him not to read it until the 30 day mark. Just send it whenever you want him to read it. Also take the 30 days to evaluate the situation and if you really want to reunite with a guy who has anger issues!