I’m going to try to keep it short because it is kind of a long story. We were together for a year and the last few months we were arguing a lot, firstly about stupid things but eventually the fights got bigger. I was usually the one to start them, because I felt like he was backing out on me and on the relationship and like I wasn’t much of his priority at all. He broke up with me in July 2018. It was a messy break up, but I kept it together somehow. I only sent him one text saying that if he changes his mind I’m open to talk and that was it. We didn’t have contact for about 2 weeks. I texted him after those 2 weeks and we had a pretty casual conversation. Somehow, our relationship came up and I asked him if he meant what he said about him not loving me anymore and he said he still meant what he said. I then told him about a guy I made out with after the break up and he got pretty mad and depressed about it, as the guy was a buddy of his. He then said he thought about getting back together, but after what I had done with that guy, he decided he couldn’t forget about it and gave up on us. Even though this happened, we didn’t cut off contact. In fact we were texting every day and he would even text me first sometimes. I could say it was friendly. After a few weeks he told me he was hooking up with a girl, which I later found out they were actually together and that he got involved with her even before I made out with that guy. I confronted him about it and we ended up kissing. We saw each other for a few times during the time he was with her. He kept saying that he wanted to get back together, but he was scared of breaking up with her, saying that he didn’t know how to go through with it without hurting her, until eventually she did. I did a lot of begging and pleading during this time, I admit. After they broke up, we got back together for about two months. Things weren’t okay between us. He didn’t really care about making the relationship work, he didn’t really care about seeing me or talking about any of our problems and I just kept pressuring him about it. And to me, it just seemed like we were more like friends with benefits. It lead to us calling it a break. We didn’t talk much until he invited me over about 3 weeks later. We ended up having a moment full of tension even though we didn’t even kiss and he then said that he couldn’t keep away from me, but that he should deal with a lot of stuff in his head and that he can’t go through with a relationship. About 2 or 3 weeks later, with us still texting occasionally, he invited me over again and we talked. He seemed like he was aware about our problems and like he would really put in the work to fix our relationship. So, we got back together. And that was the last day we had seen each other. Our “relationship” lasted two weeks in January, with him eventually telling me he wasn’t sure about what he wanted. I had the last word with a long letter I sent him, saying how much he means to me, but that I’m putting an end to this. We both agreed that this is not the end of us and that we would try again in the future. We kept in touch, which I realize that it’s the worst thing I could’ve done. We would text every day and he would also text me first. Our conversations were sometimes flirty and I felt like we were still together, but we were not. During these two months of texting we would sometimes have fights again, but he would still keep texting me. I asked him to hang out a couple of times, but he would always reject me with a stupid excuse. Which I don’t really understood and I always got mad about that. I pressured him into telling me the reason for which he doesn’t want to see me, but he always ignored my texts about it and changed the subject. That was our last conversation before he stopped replying. 28 days of no talking passed and I decided to text him again. I sent him a post saying it reminded me of him and he replied pretty fast and positively. We texted casually for an hour or two and then he just stopped replying. It’s been three days since I texted him again and I don’t know what to do anymore. I really need some advice and some insight about our situation.
I can tell that you are a good person and I really don’t want to say something that would make you feel worse. Unfortunate the dynamic of the relationship you described is consistant with a borderline/narcissist personality disorder relationship. There is a lot of push and pull, then on and off again. This reeks of co-dependency and I am sorry to say, from my personal and professional experience it will not get better until one or both of you seek and successfully complete professional therapy.
I am 100% certain that if you remain no-contact he will reachout to you the next time he is needing attention, but doesn’t have another source nearby to get it from. And, I am 100% certain that he will abandon you again soon afterwards. That is not what we want.
You have potential for real healthy love. You can do so much better. That is why I am going to recommend that you stay no-contact indefinitely for the sake of finding yourself and overcoming any co-dependency issues you might have. Seeing a therapist can help greatly. I promise there is no shame in that. You would be taking important steps to set yourself up for a future in a healthy fulfilling relationship and that is what you deserve.
You may also find it helpful to continue the conversation here. I and others will beable to share our thoughts. I do think the best thing for you to do in this situation is to remain full no-contact.