Hello everyone,
I am glad and grateful that such a forum even exists.
I am completing a 4 month NC period in three days (November 1st) and have realised that even though nothing extreme happened from my part I have left it in a somewhat angry last note which I’m afraid reduces my chances of her thinking about me/us in a positive sense. My question to you is, should I send a clean slate after such a long time?
Chronology:
- MID JUNE. She broke up with me via text.
- NEXT TWO WEEKS. I asked whether she was sure. She said yes. I said I was sorry, I loved her, she was the one for me and wanted to work this out, etc. A card followed, a text inquiring on her day of departure (there was a business plan in place, which she had initiated months ago, of her leaving town for a while), and finally another text (all by me) to meet me for a cup of coffee for ‘closure’. When she denied this last message I told her that I was outside her house, in my car (as I was), and could she at least come down for ten minutes or should I leave? When she replied that I’d better leave, I left, I waited a few days and on the 1st of July sent her a message accusing her of breaking up with me and not even wanting to even see me (even though she was someone who had as I told her ‘the keys to my house’). I also added that as had been planned I too would have to be in the same area for similar business reasons but hopefully we wouldn’t even meet (she knew about it as a possible plan and we had talked about it and she at one point encouraged it). It was of course a lie. I felt hurt, angry, but also had a plan in mind of implementing no contact (didn’t even know about NC strategies then) while being NEAR her. Somehow I thought that it would make a stronger impact on her. The fact that I’d be near her but not contacting her.
JULY / AUGUST She had removed my from her facebook friends almost immediately after breaking up with me. I visited her profile daily but never clicked on any of her stories which appeared on a weekly basis. So she couldn’t know I was stalking her. Her birthday was in July. Didn’t contact her.
SEPTEMBER Mid September she uploaded a public story. This remains public to this day and I haven’t opened it myself. But someone I know did in October (neither her friend nor mine on facebook) and told me it’s a “Back home” story. I had to know what it was. Her tonque out, playfully, in the picture. She used to do this to me, so I gather there’s a 50% chance she had me in mind when posting it. Her name day was in September. Didn’t contact her. I just uploaded a cover picture of a scenery indicating I was in the area.
OCTOBER While my friend hadn’t yet opened that public story, she uploaded in early October a picture in a public folder, of her cat, ‘feeling calm with her cat, sister and her sister’s boyfriend’ sort of thing. The four of us used to hang out a lot. I gathered that was perhaprs another sign she wanted me to contact her. Still, I haven’t reached out.
The only reason I haven’t reached out is because I have tried to do my homework to the best of my ability, while dealing with my father’s newfound fatal cancer (diagnosed days after the breakup), losing my job due to covid-19, finding another job, etc. If the NC community and the knowledge out there had not been around, I’d certainly would have made the mistake (this is how I see it now) of contacting her. Even a few days ago, I was on the brink of texting her to ask her for a recipy, playing it cool but also trying to show there is no anger left in me. There isn’t really. I know that she texted me because it was just easier to her. She was also in pain, she is young and to some extend immature (while mature in other aspects), and perhapd didn’t want to hurt me even more by saying it’s over cause she is no longer attracted to me enough (bottom line). So I want to take the opportunity to thank everyone reading this who has contributed to this knowledge. It has meant the world to me these last months.
Instead of sending that rather lame(?) text for the recipy, I just decided to tease her in a similar fashion (if that’s what she has been doing) by uploading a cover photo of my appartment’s balcony, the one we shared during covid restrictions, in all it’s sunny glory, commenting two lyrics from a song talking about balconies and feeling fine (while I certainly I’m not just fine, even though getting better).
Now, I’m puzzled. I feel I made one strategic mistake. I think around July, perhaps in her birthday, I should have sent her wishes and a clean slate message. So that the NC would have followed without her thinking/reading the last angry message. Perhaps even this last upload of my feeling fine cover photo, is another angry f@ck you sign to her. Perhaps I’m a little too worried, too.
What’s your take in it? Is it wrong to send a clean slate message after so long?
If it is, I’d just have to decide on more NC or perhaps contacting her later on… when I’ll having nothing to lose.