So I recently just broke up of 7 months, it was pretty toxic, and we had countless fights. Despite all that I had some time for reflection and I am working on ways to improve on myself. I am planning to use the no contact rule to get him back. However my concern is he’s hurt from our relationship which is why he wants to ends things. I did not make him feel like he was good enough for me when he always overlooked all my bad points. Although I just admitted all my faults and wrongdoings, and told him I realized everything more so now. He said he doesn’t think I am worth waiting for right now and he wished I realized that earlier.So I guess my question is if I implement the NC on him for about a month. Would that be enough time to give him time to recover from things and get over the hurt?
Only 7 months and countless fights? That isn’t good at all and I understand why he wanted to break up with you. I don’t think a month is enough time for his bad feelings about you to fade. Why not do NC for 2 or 3 months and in the meantime, figure out a way to improve your bad behaviors and why you treated him so badly. I know you said you’re trying to improve yourself, but it takes a long time. If you can’t accept the way a guy is, find someone else who would meet your approval.
I even apologized and told him how much I realized everything and that I had a plan and was working on it and this was during the mini break we had which was suppose to be a month but he called it off in 2 weeks. But he told me I caused him a lot of pain …by not making him feel like he is good enough and he wished I realized all these things earlier. His bday just so happens to be next month beginning of the month too. I really do care about him but I let my negative get in the way of our relationship and my ability to not be able to find a job… affect me more so. I do accept but I have a lot of personal issues… which also causes the fights more so. He also said he Has no resentment toward me and that he only has happy memories of us. Since he is not mad at me, wouldn’t there be a chance of him forgiving me and wanting to try again?
He is being nice. When he said he holds no resentments and has happy memories, doesn’t mean he wants to try again! Glad you apologized, but you have a lot of issues to work through, so focus on them.
“He said he doesn’t think I am worth waiting for right now”.
He doesn’t want to try right now! After you work on your temperament and get a job, maybe he would be willing to try, but I don’t think it will be anytime soon.
When you are cruel to men and hurt their ego, it takes maybe months for them to get past that kind of treatment…
My ex-GF did the same thing to me, She detailed the various ways I was not good enough for her. Then sometimes she would backpedal on all of it and talk about our future.
It was all BS. There’s nothing wrong with me. All she was doing was trying to rationalize the way she was feeling at the time.
Nobody is perfect, but don’t tell someone they aren’t good enough. That damages self-esteem and makes everything worse. It is a step forward to acknowledge that you should have treated him better, though, and my ex never did that (and probably has no clue she did anything wrong.)
Maybe this is obvious but if you start talking about getting back again someday I hope you can treat him with dignity and respect.
So I never said he wasn’t good enough and he never once told me that. All he ever said it’s affecting me but never elaborated. He is someone that is really bad at being vulnerable and expressing his feelings verbally. But yes, I am more than 100% admit it is my faults and am willing to take full blame. In a sense we logical versus emotional… so that’s also another issue. We are very different people with very different upbrings but I don’t believe that should be an issue to stop a relationship. so as states I am working on ways to make self feel better and not rely on him for anything if we do get be back together.
“I did not make him feel like he was good enough for me”
“he told me I caused him a lot of pain…by not making him feel like he is good enough”
You never said he wasn’t good enough? Well something you did or said made him feel like that. Obviously it was implied! But it’s good that you’re taking full responsibility for the break up as you treated him badly and he deserves someone who would treat him better.
You say he’s bad at being vulnerable and expressing his feelings. You talk about differences. So what makes you think you two could have a better relationship if you get back together? Would you both be happy? Would you treat him with dignity and respect like Hijack suggested?