Hey there!
My girlfriend and I broke up after 2 years together. We had a rather unique relationship, and one on reflection I’d take the good and bad from. We moved in together after 5 months. She has two twin girls, who I love very much. I moved in to help her since she was a struggling single mom. Things were going great for the first year together. We’d fight, but we’d make up rather easily. We had an intense attraction to each other, and I think she had a bit more of jealousy in her heart from being hurt in previous relationships. But I was perfectly loyal, and proved it every chance I get.
However, year two was harder. I have a dayjob and at night I am an artist. I created an ongoing book series that ended up garnering a good bit of success, which meant that it took more time to keep up with. It was essentially doubling my income. The subject matter was on the darker side, and she’s kind of a hippy dippy spirit and somewhat empathic like me, so I suppose it put off some bad vibes that may have upset her during the course of our relationship. Dumb things I didn’t pick up at the time, but realize now.
I started working more, realizing this was the ticket to all of the stuff we wanted together in life. Be able to travel, do things together, take care of her and our little family, etc. Her kids loved me, and from what I understand still always ask about me. I was making good money between the two occupations. However, she felt she was being neglected, even though I made every effort at the time I felt I could to make time with her. It was a lot of work, and a lot of personal issues that piled on from my own family that kept me from spending as much time with her as we both would have preferred. But I felt I was right in the cause, since I was providing for our future, and I implored her to hold on since things would get easier. I started working less and making more after things with the dayjob and the art thing found their place…unfortunately the tide started to turn right after we split up.
In the last few months of our relationship, I funded a trip for all of us to Disneyland. I also helped my dad get a car he desperately needed, and I was saving up for an engagement ring with intentions to propose before Christmas. Every ounce of spare time was resigned elsewhere to make all this happen. I was sharing my successes and positivity with everyone where I could, and at the same time was just emotionally drained.
I came back from a work trip during the last week we were together. I think the stress finally boiled over, and one day she blew up at me while I was trying to fix our AC in the house. It was the breaking point for her. She broke up with me. I lived there an extra month until I found a new place. She was super sweet after, and I’d almost swear she sincerely regretted breaking up with me. She had that look in her eye every time she saw me. She’d tear up every time she’d see me interact with the kids.
We managed to get to a great place right after we broke up. We were both talking regularly, and both got along incredibly well for about two months. We were extremely supportive of each other. In hindsight, we could have gotten back together then if I would have pursued it. At the end of that two months, I met someone when I visited my dad out of state. It was nothing physical, and to be honest half of our conversations were about me and my ex breaking up.
However, me and this new girl kind of poked fun at the whole dating thing. We never were physical, and to be honest we saw each other for maybe 5 minutes in person. One way we made fun of the whole dating thing was screenshotting each other’s faces to each other as the background of our phones. I forgot she was still on mine, and one night I went to visit my ex and she saw it. What the hell was she supposed to think? I can’t blame her for thinking there was something far more than there was. Me and the new girl quit talking to each other not long after that incident. Unfortunately, my ex turned stone cold after that night too. No more daily conversation, she wished me well, and that was that. At the time, I was very confused, but I also got where she was coming from. I was just hoping she would catch the absurdity of it. This issue was the catalyst for where I am at now.
I guess I was following the whole No Contact thing before I stumbled across this forum and ex advice. We didn’t talk from January 15th til about a month ago. I’d like her pictures on Facebook, as she often posts stuff with the kids, but I never engaged conversation or commented. I miss them greatly. She contacted me about a month ago about picking some artwork up from her house I had left. I went over, and we had an absolutely amazing night. Great conversation, she looked so happy seeing me interact with her kids again, we flirted a little bit, but nothing serious. Then, the next day I tried to message her on Facebook, and just get back into that conversating again. Stone cold responses. I inquired about it, and she told me she needs space, and that her kids needed to transition without me there. I got confused, but tried to oblige.
But then her birthday was the following week. I got her a gift that she was needing forever for her birthday. Not to try to buy her love, but to help fix something she needed fixed. She had me over and I helped set it up. Again, great night. We hugged alot. Kissed her forehead and she kissed my cheek. I didn’t want to push things. On this night though, I broke down in front of her. Wasn’t begging and pleading, but with tears in my eyes let her know what she still meant to me and how much I loved her. She looked torn up, but insisted we could be friends, but that also she needs that space (which I was blatantly stupidly ignoring by being there). We ended the night on good terms still.
I messaged a few of her family members I was close with and was gonna wish them well and thank them for being a part of my life. Closure. She caught wind and I guess took that as me violating her space. Her family loved me, and loved that I stepped up to help her take care of her kids. I never got to properly say goodbye to them or anything, but really does anyone get that chance? haha. Anyways, since that last phone call where we talked about this (about 10 days ago), I’ve started No Contact again. That’s where I’m at now.
I guess I’m just wondering what chances I have still? Our official breakup was about 7 months ago, our drop in communication was 5 months ago, and these things happened in that time. I have no problems moving on if I have to, but it’s my choice and my want to be with her, and be a father to her kids. I miss them all terribly. I miss her family. The pressure was really on us for a good chunk of that last part of our relationship. Since then, I’ve been working on myself, and NEVER allowing too much outside interference to overtake me like that again. I’ve worked on and continue to work on time management, as well as the management of expectations. She deserved better, I deserved better. We both see the improvements in our respective lives, and all improvement that would have made our relationship pure bliss. I think the only thing that seemed to turn the tide was that other girl. Like that killed it for her. And it hurts, cuz I feel like a cheater when obviously I haven’t. I’d love more than anything to get a second chance with her. She was loyal, loving, sweet, funny, supportive, and I’d take that with any of the bad. I’ve tried dating, or talking to new women, and no one interests me or has that spark.
I felt I belonged with her, and her family.
