My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. I started the NC at about 2 & 1/2 weeks after the breakup because he was already talking to someone else and he said he “wants to see what happens with her.” He asked this girl out about a year before we got together, but she rejected him. We were together for 4 years and recently she became available and started flirting with him and now that we’re broken up he said his feelings for her were “rekindled”. He had been flirting with her for a couple months before we broke up and he only confessed he had “feelings” for her after we broke up. I blocked his number, we blocked each other on all social media accounts and I haven’t talked to him for 2 weeks. Just yesterday he called me 3 times, left a message, sent a text and an email crying and begging for me to talk to him because he needed someone to talk to. I took my time, worked out, spent some quiet time by my apartment lake to think, but I caved in after a couple hours and called him. He confessed that his new girlfriend suddenly changed her mind last week and said she needs some time and she’s rethinking things because of what’s happened to her with guys in the past. He told me everything started out great and she said so many things that made him feel good, and he talked to her about everything he wants to do like going to see her (it’s a long distance relationship), but all of a sudden she changed her mind and stopped talking to him as much. He also confessed to me about his first love, whom he’s never mentioned to me before, that left him for someone else because he told her a couple little lies and he found out she is now married with two kids. He said he now feels exactly the same way as he did when that happened. I tried not to say much, but I did tell him about the good things that were going on in my life and I just told him that some people need time. He said he still wants to be friends because he knows I’m one of the only people he can talk to about this because he trusted me and he knew I would be honest with him and he just wanted me to tell him everything will be okay.
I don’t understand any of this because the last phone call we had before NC he said he didn’t want to be friends and he wanted to move on and he doesn’t want to believe he still loves me. I kept asking him why he was talking to me and all he could say was he knew I would be able to help him. I don’t understand why he wants to be in this new relationship so bad if he still thinks that way about me. He is not making any sense and I’m worried breaking the NC rule has set me back a lot. I’m worried because he’s acting the same way he did when he cheated on me and I’m afraid he’ll never learn to be independent instead of relying on a relationship to be happy. I’m trying to be happy on my own and do the first steps of this program, but I’m so confused now. Is he impeding my progress? Am I impeding his progress? He said we would talk again sometime, but I don’t know if I should answer him. What should I do???
If after 4 year with you, he so easily gets emotionally involved with that girl again, and now because she wants a break, he wants to talk to you … all I can say is you deserve much better! You’re not impeding his progress, because he will just hunt for someone else, but he’s impeding your progress because you are reading something into your relationship with him that isn’t there anymore. Mainly love and devotion. Don’t talk to him unless you want to be put into the everlasting friend zone. Don’t dwell on this guy who is just stringing you along. Do things that make you happy. Focus on family and friends. Meet and go out with guys whose company your enjoy. Best wishes:)
He is using you as his ego boost.