Broke No Contact and here are my thoughts

no-contact-rule
1

`I learned a lot in the last 7 days and today I purposely broke the NC rule.

It has been 12 hours and still no response and guess what?

I realized that I no longer NEED this woman.

I feel bad that so many people are stuck in this thought that they
can’t live without the ex.

I am not saying I am opposed to getting back with her but I can tell you this.

I haven’t been this secure and at peace in quite some time.

Love is not a game in which we can or must intentionally hurt the other.

Now I am not judging anyone for still doing NC but there are 3.5 billion men and 3.5 billion women in this world…which means there are plenty of opportunities for love that doesn’t cause all this heartache.

NO one is worth it…not even me.

I wouldn’t want my ex to feel pain and hurt and anguish waiting for me to call/text/write.

Now my 30 day path started from the break up but it wasn’t about the loss of her it was the about the realization that I needed a lot of changes to be a person who is worthy of love and is willing to give love.

Knowing that I also realized that no matter how much change I achieved it was somewhat pointless to the relationship if my former partner didn’t due her own journey.

Since it takes two to tango it also takes two to re-build a relationship.

I am quite happy that I sent the message instead of waiting. Now I realize many will say that she probably WOULD have responded after the 30 days.
Personally I was no longer willing to give that a shot because her validation was/is no longer important to me.

Either I am worth the fight or I am not.

I am also quite aware that she may be pondering the message I sent and MAY still respond…and if she does…then that is a wonderful blessing.

Ultimately I am a loving person who has a ton to give someone else and if she doesn’t want it then I will find the right person who will.

Remember that YOUR worth is NOT contingent on what another person thinks.

Please don’t take my words as a personal jab at you if you are still waiting.

This is my revelation and may not work for you.

Have a wonderful night and good fortune to all.
G

2

Idk I see what you’re saying. But I feel like my No Contact is not for him. It’s for me. I’m giving myself the space to see that I can live without him. I don’t mind that he doesn’t contact me. That’s up to him and there’s nothing I can do to force him to do anything. I can’t force how something feels.
In my opinion, my no contact period is not about waiting around for him to call. It’s about working on myself and getting some well needed space. Sure, I have bad days where I miss him more than anything. But I think that’s natural whether I’m contacting him or not.
No Contact isn’t about waiting. It’s about doing better and constructive things with your time that doesn’t include talking to your ex. How are you ever supposed to move on and see clarity while still in contact with them?
But yeah I 100% know what you mean about not wanting to wait. There are a lot of things that I want to say to my ex, but I know that I’m not thinking rationally right now and I still have to think over these things.
I think we all have our own ways of dealing with things and mine is having No Contact. Yours is contacting your ex and then realizing that you don’t need their validation. Which I think is great! :') Now you can hopefully move on with your life and if something with your ex happens, then it happens.
Thanks for your advice :slight_smile: Good luck with everything!

3

I agree with you 100% but sometimes I think some of the desperation that people experience is so overwhelming.

I just think (and possibly I am wrong) that people see Nc as a panacea and it is not.

I know that the rules are very clear that it isn’t but I see so many people getting desperate.

I know that is just my opinion but I guess my experience and absolute clarity on what I want out of life and a relationship is making me view other peoples experiences in a different way.

Again, I am not judging any one. I just hate to see people sad.

G

4

Thanks for this post. I also agree though. My ex wanted to get back but I started no contact to get myself together and make me feel like I’m worth more and feel respected and respect myself. I think while going through a breakup people tend to say whatever things to get their ex back and the no contact is a way to get back to your old self, the person you were before someone was there and broke your heart.

I loved what you wrote and it definitely made me see your perspective and how once I’m ready I can contact him again and if he doesn’t text or want us back together it’s totally fine. Again, I’m fine with this and prepared actually for that reaction but because I still care for him I still want to try. He put an effort after I had and he initially tuned me down then I left it off as friends for now because I wasn’t ready to jump back in.

I’m still doing the no contact because I want to feel empowered also. I’m strong enough to love someone and let them go and if they do decide they want to get back together it’ll be great, if not it will also be great because at least we know we tried in our best place and state to keep that love. But like you said there will be other people and other situations.

5

I think you’re right. I am really sad. And I’ve thought about contacting my ex so many times. But I know that at this stage, I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he didn’t reply to me. I’m not in a position where I can not feel anything towards him.
I still don’t know though. Maybe I should contact him but at the moment I really don’t know what I would say to him. I’m going to try and hang out in October some time. Hopefully by then, if he says no, I will feel better about myself and won’t mind if he doesn’t want to. But I’m really hanging out for this time to come quicker. I’m thinking I maybe should contact him now, just to get a feel of how he would react towards me. But the truth is I’m too scared.
The urge to walk round to his house and just knock on his door is strong too. That way it’d be difficult to ignore me. But that seems a bit desperate and I’m also terrified that he would have another women there or something.
At the moment, No contact is the only thing that helps me feel a bit more in control. Of course I’m sad and of course I miss him but I just feel like I would be a lot more upset if I contacted him and he didn’t reply? I don’t know :///

6

Actually I did this cause I felt like I was making myself sad. It’s true if they reply then there’s hope and if they don’t then why keep on struggling for someone who doesn’t want you back. I still think no contact is for the purpose of putting yourself together. And once you’re in a good state of mind do it. I think my mind is clear and I’m tired of not knowing what is going on with us. I’ve been the productive self I’ve always been. I actually didn’t even have time to hangout with him when he asked me out all of a sudden but I have decided not to play games anymore. I’m straightforward with him and he was also straighforward with me. I think that I’m just tired of mind games and if someone wants to play then my response is move on. There’s mature people out there and they won’t play these dumb mind games.

If you reply to them and they don’t, they’re either being immature or your response was a bit to drastic. Get yourself together and then just say it how it is. Life’s to short to waste on people that don’t care about you as much as you do them. Move on.

7

Yeah I agree. I’m not doing No Contact to play games or anything. I’m just trying to give us both some space and trying to make myself feel better and see that I can live without him. Then when I contact him, hopefully I won’t be too worried if he doesn’t reply. At the moment I know I would be devastated so I still need to go through this process for myself.
But yeah, I absolutely agree that if I contact my ex, I have to be in the mind space where I can deal with the fact that he may not reply. I can take into account that they may be busy or don’t want to deal with the emotions. But I don’t think I’ve ever messed him around or said anything I don’t mean. And I wouldn’t do that if I were to contact him.
My ex actually contacted me on the last day of my first No Contact period. He came round to my house and I told him everything that I still felt for him as I didn’t think I should mess around or pretend that I didn’t love him anymore. I was scared that if I didn’t say how I was feeling, then I’d never get the chance. He said that he still cared for me but that we still need to learn how to function separately before we could ever be a couple again. I’ve taken that on the chin and I am now just trying to work on myself, while giving us both space and a NC period.
Hmm sorry if I’ve sort of gone off topic here. Those are just basically my reasons for NC. I feel like it doesn’t work for everyone. But at the moment I need space to myself and I just know that I would be devastated if my ex didn’t reply to me at the moment. Hopefully once I’ve gone through NC (Even if it’s longer than a month) I will feel better about myself and won’t be so sad if he never replies :slight_smile: That’s just my theory anyway. I think different lengths of NC and different methods NC or no NC work for different people :slight_smile: It all just depends on your relationship and whether you’re strong enough to take being ignored. Hopefully this all makes sense and I’m not repeating myself too much haha!