If that was the case, then trust me I would have done anything to make him feel comfortable.
But thats not the case.
These days, all he wanna do is go to the college then gym and then with friends. He is not at all interested in spending time with me or talking to me. When we talk, he goea away every 10 mins to check his game status.
I am not saying he doesn’t care about me or does not love me. But he is not showing any of these emotions.
This is so unlike him.
There was a time when he cant even take his eyes off me in the gym.
He used to kiss me passionately and hug me so hard. Whenevr he hugged me, his heartbeat gets fasten. And now, he just gives me an okay kiss and goes away.
He didn’t even wish me good night. He didn’t even told me that he loves me
But I know, if he didnt love me, he wouldn’t be with me. !!
Ahh, why are men so complicated. Yeah, in the next month give him space and if things dont change then you need to sit him down for a talk. But there is no doubt that he loves you
Yes, you’re right @cassie. I ll just wait for sometime. If he is still like this, I will have to have a talk with him even if he hates the idea of a talk.
Thanks @cassie and @aamls. I hope and wish he reqlises himself and we both be happy again.
According to him, we both are doing great and there is no problem… ugh… this is so not fair
lol. thats what my husband thought to and then I cheated, and then he left me. but I’ve learn so much from my mistakes and may still be learning more along the way. I agree with what @cassie said. you dont want to have him back to be miserable. :-/ no problem.
I guess so. We were just talking and talking and got back together. He told me he loves me and he never broke up with me. And I was just talking about the past and he was getting irritated. He was also drunk. He apologised to me. He even said that he cant promise that it won’t happen again but he will try it wont happen. He promised me that we will always be together no matter what. And now, he is also opening up to me little by little. Stuff he used to hide, he is telling me now. I dont know if he is telling everything or not but yes, he started sharing.
But honestly, its better to have him back. Atleast I have him and I am sure he loves me and it gives me strength to put in more efforts. I think when we broke up, he stressed on these things(games, gym and friends) only to distract his mind and he got used to them.
oh crap, lol I thought i responded but I didnt lol, because when I went to respond I left the room lol. anyways wow. he really loves you and you are one lucky girl. you guys just need to work together as a couple on your issues. im glad hes opening up more to you. hes showing you great signs. your doing great. and yes its good you have him back. I wish I could have my husband back too. lol. your doing great.
Oh yeah, then he will definitely come back around. I know it’s hard now but it could be, as you also mentioned, that he’s not used to having you around anymore so thats why he’s busy with other things. The fact that he started sharing is super positive so don’t be worried at all
I feel like total crap. he is with me but is going away from me
I texted him first. I asked him why he didn’t text me today. He said he woke up late and just went to the college.
He had time to play his game but couldn’t even just text me a simple good morning or something?
You can see his priorities from this
This is so hard
Its so hard to act like everything is fine and I am happy when nothing is fine and I just wanna cry
Hey divjun,
Your situation is very similar to mine. Also compared to how the reconciliation happened.
From what I read from your postings, it does not really sound like you had completed NC. Neither did I. The cause for NC should be to prepare the ground for reconciliation. However, to prepare that ground you at first need to clean it of all the former shreds that keep you from moving on from your former relationship. In fact I consider this to be the most important part of NC: to move on. Why? Because you cannot get the old relationship back - for a reason.
So what NC actually should enable is to overcome a break-up and thus being able to start something new, from scratch, with a person you had been intimate and in love with already.
This is in many ways similar to dating someone completely new (concerning time frames), however, there is one big and menacing difference: you already know the person. Now this might sound like an advantage and to some extend it is, nevertheless it means that there is also the chance that the necessary spark (the desire for the uknown), that first brought two new people together is now missing - and thus threatens reconciliation.
If this is the case the other person might very well still love you, but it is a different kind of love. (Especially if you and I have not yet overcome the break-up and are thus still needy for affection). It is then a love for a special person, for memory, for former intimacy, but it is not the uncertain, and passionate love of first dating (where you kiss like there is no tomorrow, hug like you want to fuse and all else that stems from the desirable uncertainty of aspriring new love).
Now how would all of that fit into your case?
I assume that, like in my and many other cases, reconciliation has come too early. We break-up, are desperate, read about NC, about some 30 days - “Yay, 30 days! 30 days!” - and neglect that NC is only over when we actually have moved on and can go for something new with someone old. No matter how long it takes.
So what? You already reconciled. Does that mean you need to break up again? I doubt it. BUT you have to become more stable, or else your pain will threaten your well being - and - the relationship.
This brings us to point nr. 2. The love that you share now is different, as explained above. I myself have no idea, to whether this can change with time - if anyone round here has some experience with this, PLEASE SHARE!
I do however think that wounds may heal wit time and that from what you have written he still loves you, even if he cannot show it properly (yet).
I get it what you’re saying. You’re right about everything. My bf and I both didn’t actually move on. A part of me still thinks it can get better. But I am starting to doubt it. I was thinking of having a talk with him regarding what he actually wants. Is he even ready for a relationship or not? Is it a good idea.?
Thanks benz
@divjun stay strong. I read all comments. your doing really well. I was going to suggest maybe you can look for a professional who can help you work through this and give you advise on how to make your relationship stronger. Idk if your religious or not but since you have him back its the perfect time to recommend it. theres a book called the love dare, its based on a movie called fire proof. I think you should do it to him to. its really a challenge for yourself rather then for your boyfriend and in this you will learn to love them better. I think you shuld take a look into it. good luck stay strong your doing great. @Benz had good advise for you.
Hey divjun,
I think a talk is a good idea. Even if he tells you he doesn’t “want” one. Also it is just fair for you, as the situation right now has a negative impact on your well-being.
The other option, like you stated, is to sit it out. However, this can’t go on endlessly AND may in fact also worsen your situation.
I’d suggest that you set yourself a reasonable time frame during which you just proceed and carefully watch whether the situation is actually improving. If by the end of this time frame you come to the conclusion that this is not the case, then have a talk - and if you consider having this “talk” impossible with him, write him a letter.
What should it state?
I’d say that the main message has to be that you have come to understand that your reconciliation has come too early. That you both have not overcome the break-up and the pain yet and that you therefore cannot make strong decisions. You want to give him time and you want to give yourself time. Say that you’d prefer a rather strict seperation at the beginning, because it will enable the both of you to restart healing your wounds.
Do not put pressure on him. If your talk is about him having to decide right away it will just worsen the situation and aims for the complete opposite of what you actually want and need.
and yes they will. 