My ex and I have known each other for 12 years. We coached together for 5 years building an amazing team that felt more like a family. We shared an incredible chemistry, and in the last two years of working together, began to realize deeper feelings and love for each other.
We each helped each other through terrible breakups in order to be together. Mine took a while longer to end.
Anyway, we were together for the last year, but I continued to struggle with shame, guilt, and fear of what other people would think of us.
I told her I needed some more time to figure things out about 2 months ago. She said that was fine, and that she’d keep her heart open to being with me, but would also stay open to others.
We stayed in touch, texting and calling daily. A week or so later she began dating a new guy. I tried to play cool and congratulated her. After a long time thinking and finally not caring what friends or family would think, I told her I was ready for more than friendship.
She replied that she wanted to move on and that things were going great with the new guy.
I kind of melted down at this point, ended up writing a letter to her with all my thoughts, love, regrets, and basically my soul. I delivered it to her personally ( we’ve been long distance for several months. I’m working on getting back into the area asap).
This seemingly worked, and she got back together with me. Things were amazing between us and we were reconnecting… For about a month. We had an intense conversation about her fears that my friends and family wouldn’t accept her, and that a future path looked difficult. I tried to reassure her that we’d figure it out. A few days later, when I went to visit her she said she felt emotionally unstable and needed to stick with her original decision. It didn’t seem to be an easy one for her… She was very emotional (she usually isn’t), we embraced, and left it at that. No fighting, just a lot of emotion and confusion.
I’ve been doing no contact now for 7 days, been working hard on stabilizing, and have made a lot of realizations on how my own insecurities led to our downfall. It’s tough though. I imagine she’s back with the other guy, not sure since she doesn’t use social media.
I’m looking for general advice, and also wondering if I did nothing but strengthen the bond she has with the new guy. I’m also thinking that the letter I wrote temporarily guilted her. What are the chances NC will still work considering they split and are now back together? Thanks in advance…