Hello everyone,
So my ex and I were together for almost 4 years. We had been living together for 3 years and were looking for a house to buy together. On the 10th of january my ex was acting a bit distant/weird so I asked him what was the matter. He then told me he had doubts about buying a house together. I asked him why and he said his feelings for me had become less. I asked him if he wanted to break up with me then and he said yes. Strangely I was quite calm. I did not beg him to stay with me, did not panic. When he left I packed most of my stuff and moved out (of course then the panicking and crying started but at least he has no knowledge of that).
Almost instinctively I have applied the NC rule immediately, before I even knew this site existed. We only have had contact about some practical matters and he did say he was willing to have a conversation with me about the break-up but I then told him I needed time. Other than that, we did not have contact for 8 full days now. However, I have some questions:
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He has not taken any initiative to arrange practical matters. I had to call the bank to close our shared banking account, etc, even though I asked him to do it. There are still some things that need to be arranged, but I don’t feel like taking the initiative anymore. What should I do?
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All of our photos are still on his instagram and facebook account. On mine as well. But should I delete them? I feel a bit weird about it and I’m overthinking why he hasn’t done it yet.
There are also some things that bother me and I don’t know if I should bring them up in the letter or the conversation we will have:
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I feel like he has been influenced by his friends. Two of his friends ended their longterm relationships not too long ago. They were very relieved by their decision and have been partying and sleeping with girls a lot.
I think that has made my ex rethink our relationship too. I want to know if it was entirely his decision, but I think that if I will ask him he would never admit it and would actually be offended that I suggest that. Can you think of a way I can somehow ‘plant a seed’ to make him think about whether he has been influenced? -
After our breakup I have texted his parents to thank them for all they’ve done for me. I expected my ex to thank my parents as well, as they’ve financially supported us a few times, but he has not. I find this a bit rude, but I don’t know if I should bring it up.
I’m very afraid that when we have a conversation it will debouch into a negative conversation if I bring these things up, but they also bother me so I don’t know what to do.
For the past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on our relationship and I also felt our relationship was less good than let’s say a year ago. We did not have a lot of fights, but I was not the person I’m normally am, I had a lot of stress from work and was more negative than normal, cancelling plans, staying at home, not enjoying things. I think that has made him question the relationship. It’s very unfortunate because before he broke up with me, I already decided I wanted to work on that. Too late I guess 
What do you think about the chances of getting back together? From a mutual friend I heard he was not doing so well, was scared to be alone in our apartment. On the other hand I’ve seen pictures of him going out with his friends… I hate how I’m obsessing over this and overanalysing everything I see or hear… but we we’re really serious about a future together and I’m so heartbroken. He’s the love of my life. I believe that every relationship has ups and downs… especially if you’re in for the long run… and I think he gave up too soon…
thanks for reading