Block by ex bf. Pls help

reconciliation
1

My ex and I broke off 2 weeks ago after a chain of fights that happened. He ended the relationship with me on a peaceful note with me in text and said we won’t work out anymore and that he will return me all my stuff. I told him we won’t reconcile aft reading his text. I didn’t really mean what I said when I told him we won’t reconcile. Aft 4 days he dropped off my stuff outside my hse and I got into a panic mode realizing that this is really the end. I went down to his workplace and wanted to see him and work things out again and he wasn’t there. When he finally pick up my call he was furious that I turn up unannounced and that I was disrespectful to him. I beg him to meet me for 2 days and I apologize to him for getting angry with him and all the things I had done in the past. He was really worked up and he scolded me very harsh and was very furious and nasty with his words. He said that went he apologized to me when he did sth wrong I didn’t care. But it was bcos I wanted time to think. But I was nv harsh on him. Fast forward, after much begging he decided to meet me bcos I asked him for proper closure. When he came I insyead beg him to give me a chance to try again. He wouldn’t even let me sit near him or he threaten to leave. He hates me. We been through so much good times and he told me always that I am the love of his life. I couldn’t make him stay that day no matter how I patheically plead him. He walked away from me and he ran afraid that I won’t chase him.

After that he blocked me on whatsapp, on his iPhone and remove me on Facebook. I’m a mess now. I still text him everyday even though I know he won’t receive. I send him an email to apologize and to thank him for the wonderful year he gave me. He said he wasted his time and money on me. That I didn’t appreciate him. But all honestly I appreciated evert single thing.
Now that he totally blocked me and hates me. Will I get him back? I don’t know what to do. I cry myself to sleep every night and I couldn’t think straight. All I could think is him. I really love him and I really want him back. Pls help me.

2

You will make it through this. I promise.

First things first: stop texting him. Do not write him anymore. Your emotions are all over the place, and if you want a chance, you have to get them in check.

What you have to do now, for the sake of you and him…and a possible reconciliation… Is to let go.

You’ve done all you can do. You have hurt him. And what is happening now is hurting you. Why stay in that situation when A. You don’t have to and B. It will not help you get him back. If anything, it will push him further away.

So, my advice to you would be:
Start cleaning yourself up. Both physically and emotionally. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. You don’t have to throw it away, but you need to store it away from you.
Make sure you do not sit idle. It’s really important to hang out with friends and family. Try new and fun things. This serves a couple purposes: being around people that love you will nurture your spirit, it will keep you occupied, and it will serve as a reminder that you aren’t alone.

I would suggest exercising regularly, if you don’t already. Working out will release endorphins. You will feel better, and you’ll look your best yet. This will build confidence. (I’m not saying you don’t look good now)

I, unlike some, would suggest you not date just yet. Concentrate on yourself for a while.

After he was really upset, he still met up with you for closure. You ruined what could’ve been a good start to making him think differently about you. You must get a grip of you are to ever have another chance. He doesn’t hate you. Things just got bad and you wouldn’t leave him alone. So stay away from him. He needs to wipe all the “crazy ex girlfriend” thoughts out of his mind.

Stick with NC for a few months. Then try the letter. Make sure you are emotionally stable before reaching out with the letter.
And then play the waiting game.

Depending on everything that’s happened (like the stuff you may not share with us), you have a slight chance. But you have to leave the guy alone.

3

I’m just an outside observer. But I want to point something out. He sounds a little harsh himself. Is that what you want for yourself? Just asking.

4

Today is the 4th day after the official break up. I still feel horrible, I tried to bury myself with work but whenever there’s a pause my mind goes back to thinking about him. About how much I still misses him and how much I wish he come back. He is still blocking me even though I didn’t contact him. I would say he is a more emotional driven person. He is hot tempered, his mouth is his best and worst asset. When he’s angry he says the most extreme things he can to insult or abuse you. We have been together for a little over a year, I guess I’m a little use to it. When we fight and he said nasty stuff to me but once we reconcile he goes back to the loving and giving boyfriend. So it’s very confusing to really knows how he feels. I don’t know if he hates me. He told me during our last fight that he needs me to leave and end this right now. He said he is happier alone and he wants to be alone. He even said even having me as a friend is fking pathetic. He is a giver in this relationship I have to say. But with a bad temper. What shld I do? Do you think he will come back?

5

Are you sure this is what you want? He called being friends with you pathetic. I’m just asking. Love can be very blind and allows us to rationalize things we normally wouldnt think twice about.

I know that since its fresh it does hurt. I’ve been there. But I’m just wondering if you should think about it a little more. Is someone that shows that level of disrespect towards you worth the time and effort.

6

It’s been a week of NC and I miss my ex miserably. I think about him every waking moment and about the things he said to me. It’s hard to not contact him, he still blocks me and it’s killing me. My heart aches so badly and the empty feeling without him with me makes me weak. It’s hard to go along the day. Will he reconcile with me? He told me he don’t love me anymore. He said he woke up and he felt nothing. Is it possible? I asked him how did he do it and he said its a loss of feeling over time. Is it possible? How can some over just lost the love? Just a month ago we had a fight and he scolded me like he always does on the things that happened in the past. I felt hurt and I told him ‘let’s break up’, after which he immediately changed his tone and told me he love me a lot and that he is sorry he shouldn’t have said things like that and that he wants me in his life. He kept apologizing to me and asking for forgiveness. I didn’t reply him until the next day which I told him nicely that I don’t like to be treated like that, and I don’t deserve the nasty treatment. And I took him back. The next day we went for an overseas trip which we alrdy planned for months ago. When we came back from the trip, shortly after we had another fight. This was my fault. I was angry he didn’t tell me where he went, and I over reacted and I scolded him to which he was very sincere and apologetic, he kept saying sorry to me and the next morning with a clearer mind I apologize for my reaction and I told him i was just insecure. Then we were back to being good but thing we still feeling weak. We agreed to meet up the next day for movies and dinner. That day I was being rude but in a joking way, I texted him many times asking where he go(something we always do to each other). And when he finally reply he said sorry he was really busy. And he got angry. I asked if he still feel like meeting he said he don’t feel like anymore. Then I got upset. He continued to text me asking if ‘he didn’t go enough’, if ‘he’s lousy as a bf’. Then I told me I wanted to be alone and I didn’t text me. Then in the middle of the night I received his text saying he think this relatiI ship won’t work out anymore, as least for him. He said he is sad but he can’t do these anymore. He is tired. I didn’t chase him back, I just told him sorry I suck and that I won’t reconcile with him. That’s the end of us. The next time I plead him to come back after a week he was furious and said that I was selfish. And stupid. And he don’t love me anymore. I don’t know, does he really not love me anymore? We have a very deep and strong connection. We had great chemistry. He knows what’s on my mind without me even saying. We can talk for hours and hours late into the night yet still feeling contented and happy. He said he wasted his time and money on me bcos when we go overseas he paid for the tickets and accommodations. I am always appreciative of the things he had done for me and I always tell him that, I always thank him. But he still say that I don’t appreciate him. I can’t give him what he given me bcos I don’t have the means, it’s not that I don’t want to. We had so much love and we always express tell each other. How is this possible? Everything feels so surreal. I cannot believe he said he don’t love me anymore. Can anyone please advice me? I’m sorry it’s so long. I’m desperate for some guidance. Time seem to pass so slow and everyday is a torture. My heart aches and long for him.

7

And he was really angry that when he apologize to me countless time I didn’t care. But I do care. He is so angry for apologizing to me and asking for forgiveness. He said I was selfish and proud and that I didn’t care about its feelings but it’s not true. I care. That’s why I took time to talk to him nicely and communicate to him. When I apologize to him the day I beg him he said sorry no cure. He say my apologies are all empty words and he don’t give a fuck about my sorry

8

Pines,

I have read your whole post right now, and i am speechless, because this is what happened to me 30 days before. I am feeling i have read my own story, my own situation.

My condition and behavior was same as was yours. I got angry and said some things which i didn’t mean. And then, my boyfriend’s behaved the same. He said he hates me, he doesn’t loves me. I pleaded him to stay, i apologized many times, he insulted me, degraded me.

I entered into NC phase, today is 30th day, and he still didn’t contact me. I still miss him, want to be with him but he should also show some interest which he didn’t show. I advise you to complete the NC period. Meanwhile, work on yourself, look out for other things that can make you happy. I know saying is easy, but doing is very hard, but you have to do it.

I was miserable in first two weeks, but then i had to be strong, because its the only choice I have. I loved him madly (still do), i appreciated his every little thing, but in the end i got to listen that you never understand me. Sounds funny but I even tried suicide after he broke me up, but that thing didn’t affect him,he thought i am making some kinda drama to get his attention lol.

Pines, the thing is sometimes we give someone so much power that they destroy us, our self-respect without any regret. You need to be strong enough to stand up for yourself right now, i am not saying to leave him or not to think about him, but just give some space to him. You need time for yourself too. You are a person deserve to be loved, need to be understand by someone who can read your soul.

9

I know how you feel, Pines… My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago, I began no-contact last saturday and I’m already feeling miserable… Like I really wish he would return to me right now, to my open arms, but I think he’s avoiding me… And by thinking that, thinking that he doesn’t want to talk to me, no matter what the subject of the conversation is, I think I’m doing what he wants and what I don’t want: drifting away from each other. :frowning:

I don’t know how he is… I’m worried about him… I don’t know if he really meant what he said, that he doesn’t love me anymore, that he can’t be in a relationship with me again. But the thing is, I want him back. I love him. He was happy with me. I know it because he said it endless times. Just like in your case.

Like you, I haven’t slept properly, I haven eaten properly and everything in me is a total caos. He is everything I want, everything I pray for is for him to realise this is not right and that he comes running back to me, but… will he? :cry:

In the mean time, try to be strong. I’m doing it to, and it hurts like hell. But let’s have faith. Faith is what guides us.

10

Hi Pines,

I read your post and you remind me of my past.

Just be clear one thing, when a guy said he don’t love you anymore, he lost feelings on you, etc, to be honest, is so untrue. Yes, put that in your mind, it is not true! He is still love you, is just that he hide that feeling away because he is not in a right mind, he is in a confuse state. If he drop off your stuff, then let it be, after all it is your stuff! Don’t put that in mind just because he drop off your stuff, doesn’t mean he is gone forever (I know this because I’ve been there before, done that).

I know is hard not to contact him, you are miserable without him, and yes I understand you still love him, we all do actually. But dear be strong. The only way not to think about him for now is to make yourself busy. Don’t look at your phone too much, go travel, shopping, take some new hobby, hang out with friends, etc. If you want, change your hair style, dress up fabulous, do make up, be a different you, this little things can actually boost up your confident and think less about him.

The whole reason here about NC is not because to get him back, but to give you some space, to change you. You are in an emotional mess up and yes break up is horrible, I too remembered once, I had no appetite to eat, I cut myself because I am hurt without him. But you need to get out from that emotional stress up, it might take time, time heals everything (that is so true), if 30 days NC is too long for you, then I suggest at least give yourself 2 weeks to change you. Don’t contact him, don’t disturb him at all, give him space and meanwhile you do your own thing, make yourself busy. And after 2 or 3 weeks later, you give him a one call or send him a one good text (don’t text about the break up or you are emotional, send something positive or happy, ask him how he is doing). If he reply to you, that is a good sign (regardless if is bad or good reply, at least he reply to you), and if he don’t reply you, then screw it, keep doing the NC.

Think this a positive way…take this good time opportunity that you have at the moment (without him) to change you. Me and boyfriend were together for 9 years, suddenly one day, he left me with a piece of broken heart, we broke up nearly a month but in the end we got back together and he got me an engagement ring. During the break up time, I remember it was tough for me, I do think once to commit suicide but I decided to change me, be busy and finally I got a new job where I mixed more people and think less about him. After weeks and weeks later, he came back to me. My experience can be yours soon, you never know you will be back with him again. Just chill and relax, let him come back to you, if he does come back to you, at least he see the new you, so yes I suggest be busy with your own life, cry if you needed, for me the more I cry, the tire I am and in the end I got fed up and I start doing more things, less thinking about him.

I know you will be okay. If things doesn’t work out and if he really didn’t come back to you, at least you have change the new you, you are positive, your are confident, you can stand up with your own feet without him. There a plenty of fishes in the sea and one will come to you, love you more.

Dear, break up is horrible nightmare and shit. Just be strong and stay busy in life. Give yourself some space, give him some space too, ignore him completely for now. You go out and you do your own thing, don’t think or care about him, I know is easy to say than doing it, but if you try, you know you eventually will be alright.

11

That was truly inspiring, Paris… I am going through NC too, although my case is recent (my boyfriend broke up with me last Thursday, you can ready the whole story here: https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/nonsense-breakup-and-its-messing-me-up-real-bad/ ) and I started NC last Saturday. I’m starting to trying to improve myself. Keeping myself busy with things I planned on doing before he broke up with me and doing my hobbies. But it’s so hard… I mean, his words…

What he told me when we broke up, how much I cried on the phone and he coldly ignored me, and all the good memories I have about him and us together, looking at the gifts he gave me, the loving letters he sent me… His harsh words are pulling me back on improving myself. I’m worried about him… I’m scared that even if I get in the best version of me, he won’t feel attracted to me anymore. I really love him… I want him back… :frowning:

12

Hey there hang in there alright :wink: I miss my ex bf badly too, especially the feeling when… he holds me in his arms :frowning: Been having NC for more than a month now, and I want to let you know that it really works, not just for your relationship but for yourself too. Nomatter if me and my ex still end up together, I just know that this (temporary) separation is essential, as I’ve grew up a lot mentally.

Been together for more than 3 years, but we drifted a apart since college. I understand the reason now, it’s because we’re moving on onto a new stage of our lives, and we need positive changes to make things work. We were both in a growing phase and what me and him should do is focus on ourselves more. But I was worrying too much about US, that I ended up caring too much , loving him too much and ended up pushing him away.

But this distance made me realised my priorities, and what is the right way to love someone. And the right love to myself too. So I guess NC is really essential , take this time to reflect of your relationship and yourself too. Don’t let your emotions get it your way and think, what is it thenn went wrong in your relationship? What is it that you’ve done wrong. And remember the old relationship is gone now, if we were to get back together, it’s going to be a new relationship. With the better us. And maybe we’ll be stronger than before. Just keep the faith. And bear in mind what is the right thing to do now . Things will better soon!

I asked him out and he agrees without hesitation. I hope all is gonna be well… fingers crossed

13

Hi platinum,

Stay strong, keep on being busy and this will less thinking about him. Scare is a natural feelings, I once scare too that he’ll be gone, but realize my fear, my instinct is just a lie to me, in fact, the more I busy with my own life, the more cheerful I am day by day.

I do miss him when he broke up with me, but then I realize screw him, I lead my own way, who the heck is he to break my heart and I move on, being busy every day, having work meetings and work traveling kept me moving forward. After being the busy bee me, suddenly he came back to me, but because of NC, time heal and I getting slowly to heal my broken heart and realize I don’t need him. I ignore him back for few days and he became the needy person to want me back lol. Better to be busy, rather than hiding yourself being miserable, why do you want to be unhappy when he is happy with his own life, screw him, your happiness is your responsible. If you are happy and you know you don’t need him, that’s when he see you suddenly the new you, he will come back (not just happen to me, I have few friends and colleagues having the same thing).

DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY WITHOUT HIM FOR NOW, KEEP SMILING AND REMEMBER YOU ARE AWESOME! :slight_smile:

14

Hey Paris, thanks for the reply… I will do as you say. I’ll try to be strong. But after I get to that state of mind of not needing him, how can I “discretely” show him that I’m a fresh new girl? Without asking him out, because he doesn’t want to meet me at all, for now. That’s where I want him, begging me to go back to him.

You see, I want him back. I love him like crazy. But I want him to stay with me permanently and never do this again. What if, if we get back and get married and have children, he out of the blue says “I don’t love you anymore, I’m leaving.”? No one wants this. What I want is to be the kind of girl that he’ll do anything to keep me. Just like he used to be before, doing all he can to make me happy. And he did make me happy. He was the first of the two of us to fall in love. And he got me a short time after… I remember him saying “How can I win your heart?” and I said “Well, you’re gonna have to be original. Be yourself.” Pretending not to like him when I was already crazy for him. And he did surprise me that day. This was 19 months ago… God, this hurts so much. :frowning:

15

Moonbunny…you are absolutely right:

“But this distance made me realised my priorities, and what is the right way to love someone. And the right love to myself too. So I guess NC is really essential , take this time to reflect of your relationship and yourself too. Don’t let your emotions get it your way and think, what is it thenn went wrong in your relationship? What is it that you’ve done wrong. And remember the old relationship is gone now, if we were to get back together, it’s going to be a new relationship. With the better us. And maybe we’ll be stronger than before. Just keep the faith. And bear in mind what is the right thing to do now . Things will better soon!”

Wish you all the best of luck! :slight_smile: