Blindsided by Girlfriend

2 weeks ago a girl who I had dated for a year and a half broke up with me completely out of left field. I would never have guessed anything was going wrong - we never fought, bickered, had a healthy group of friends, and loved each other’s family’s. The day before we picked out new books to read together and went out with friends to watch a football game.

At first she blamed me, saying that I had annoyed her by drunk calling her when I was out with my buddies and that she didn’t like how I handled a rough patch in my career. Neither of these things were ever brought up on her end or communicated as a problem before. Eventually she confessed that she just didn’t know if she was where she needed to be after a year and a half of seeing each other. This reasoning is devastating, because like I said she continually brought up getting engaged, having children, etc. she even wrote me a note when we last saw each other that said she “meant everything she ever said” but was “unsure if it would turn into a lifelong love”. She kept saying how she might still see us together, and even when we were breaking up she kept saying I love you, etc (which I know could just be her lessening the blow)

After I dropped her things off at her house, she broke down and started crying saying how sad she was. I told her that she needed space and I was happy to give it to her. We mutually agreed to talk again after a month of no contact. She has broken that by liking some of my social media posts, but I am staying strong to better myself. I just feel like I’m going insane trying to reason through this.

I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. I’m still pretty devastated that this happened, but working hard to improve myself and put my best foot forward when I see her in a few weeks. Thank you

Hey,

I am sorry you are going through this. Honestly, I have seen cases that are heartbreaking and it felt like the ex had malicious intentions to do such a breakup. For example, when they wanted to be with someone else or when they are ready to get into a rebound relationship.

But in some cases, it’s also just a simple inability to communicate. Some people just don’t know how to communicate their issues and let it fester. And then they come to the conclusion that a breakup is the only option.

The latter is also the patterns for a lot of avoidant people. I recommend you look into it.

I recommend not focusing so much on why it happened. Just assume it is what she told you. Because it will drive you crazy. Understanding avoidant people’s patterns can help a lot, but there is a lot of negativity around avoidant people which is not always true. So be careful of that.

You will get more clear answers when you speak again after one month. Until then, just give her space and focus on healing. Because there’s a chance you will not get back together. So prepare yourself for that by healing and accepting that the breakup has happened.