Hey my question is about the best way to keep no contact when your ex is messaging you. She isn’t messaging everyday or going crazy with it, and when she does, I just respond nicely but cut the conversation there. ex. Ex: hey I’m writing a song about something weird. Me: Could turn into something great!
If she keeps trying to have little small talks, how do I best say I don’t really want to talk at this time but not be rude because I don’t want to turn her off or push her further away.
Here’s what I’ve come up with but just want some more input or thoughts. “Hey I’ve been taking this time to heal from everything and I’ve been feeling really great and want to keep it going. I’d like to take more time and message you when I’m ready, thanks for understanding.”
So obviously being the one trying to get her back, I’m worried about further turning her off from wanting contact with me and pushing her further away. Thoughts? Thank you!
“Hey I’ve been taking this time to heal from everything and I’ve been feeling really great and want to keep it going. I’d like to take more time and message you when I’m ready, thanks for understanding.”
I would change this to: I’ve been taking time to heal and will message you when I’m ready. Hope you understand.
If she still loves you, nothing will push her further away. And when you contact her again, she will reply. But unless she wants to try and reconcile, she will continue feeding you bread crumbs until you request a meeting or phone call to talk about and try to resolve the issues between you.
Thanks for your reply here too! Before I went into NC, we had already talked a few times when I made a couple of the breakup mistakes but we really had resolved the issues we had and understood each other. It was just left that despite that, she still wasn’t in a place that she wanted to be with me. So even with the distance and that I’ve been feeling pretty good lately, if she’s reaching out, you’d still cut it off pretty quickly just saying I need more time?
“So we finally talked through the real issues but were still hurt from everything and wonder if it’s just too late.”
There were problems with communication and also exes. For such a short relationship of 1 year, that’s a lot of negativity. Difficult issues are not resolved so easily or quickly and she still isn’t in a place that she wants to be with you. You’ve only been doing no contact for 2 weeks, but apparently she continues to send a few messages and you send back a short reply.
I’ve revised the message I think you should send: I’ve been taking time to heal, so please don’t contact me. I will message you when I’m ready. Hope you understand.
If she breaks no contact over the next 2 weeks, don’t answer her bread crumbs!
Honestly, it would be easier to date local women and try to find someone who is compatible with you…
Thanks for your reply again! I know it would be easier to date locally, knowing that just doesn’t make it easier to not want her and that love we had back. Do you think that at the end of NC it is better to do an elephant in the room letter then try to start the reattraction or to go straight to initial contact with messages like something that reminds us of a place or memory of ours to start reattraction?
I have an elephant in the room letter written of some things I see clearly and have really worked on and just some stuff I’d like to say since I’ve been feeling more clear and the emotions are subsiding. I just don’t know if that’s just moving backwards and reminding her of stuff we want to leave in the past…
You say you two had an issue with communication. So after no contact you should communicate your thoughts about what you think lead to the breakup and what you’ve been doing to improve yourself. And ask what she thinks too. But don’t be shocked to hear she still doesn’t want to get back with you.
The love you had is in the past. And unless she wants to “consider” reconciliation, nothing you do or say will “re-attract” her.
Hey Patricia12, thanks for being so active in here and helping me and everyone so much when we need input or a second opinion.
I had another thought I wanted to run past you, I originally thought I’d do my NC for at least 30 days. So what I’m thinking now is maybe sending my elephant in the room letter after 30, then going back into NC for another 3 weeks or so to give her time with it. Once that ends, I thought then to go into the texts to hopefully start the rebuilding and rekindling. Is this a good idea?
Okay, sounds good. But once you start texting again, don’t do it frequently! Minimal texting from you and see what she does…