Hello everyone,
I met this fantastic guy about 3 months ago and we immediately started dating. We have a ton in common and have so much fun together, but have enough not in common to keep things interesting. Things with us were really good, all except for one thing.
All the fights we had had were about how we don’t have enough time to spend together. I work a minimum of 40 hours a week and take 15 credits of college classes working on my bachelor’s degree. He is working on his PHD in physics and works about 20 hours a week. If that wasn’t hard enough, he has weekends off while I don’t and he works more in the evenings while I get to work at 5 am. This has caused some fighting.
We broke up mutually a week ago. No one yelled or begged, we just cried and held each other. He wanted me to stay for a while so we watched some netflix and really just talked and had fun even though it was really sad. We talked and he said that if he can’t make it work with me it wouldn’t work with anyone because of his schedule. Basically we both agreed that things were only ending because we didn’t have enough time to really devote to the relationship.
I miss him a lot and after some reflection I think I could make it work. We could have breakfast before class or lunch or do something a few days a week. I think some of this was communication issues. Also, I have no friends at my new university so I have been feeling kind of lonely and I think that if I can fit in some clubs or something with my schedule to make more friends and then I would be less reliant on communicating with him all day.
My question is should I even attempt to make this work or get him back? We have spoken once since the break up (he initiated) and after he checked on me he said that he has had a crazy busy week and “hasn’t been able to even catch his breath.” I feel like that’s a bad sign because he is getting even more busy. I have decided it hurts too much to talk to him right now so I am going to do NC unless he texts me first with something that needs my immediate attention. Should I just give up and resign myself to friendship with him?
If you honestly 100% think that you could make it work and you really love him then what is the harm in trying, but a 40 hour a week job plus uni sound crazy and also very important. If you are going to try again with him make sure you don’t let it come in the way of your job or your school because you are so intent to make it work this time.
It seems like you guys were really great together and it is unfair that you had to break up because of these circumstances. I think you need to talk to him after the NC and if you are both willing to make it work then go for it! I know I would.
During this NC don’t let yourself sit around feeling lonely, like you said join some clubs and make some friends. Friends are very important and super helpful in these situations, I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have my friends during my break up. Make this time of NC positive and all about you, work on making yourself happier.
I really hope everything works out for you, good luck!
I am at 98% sure we could work together if we tried again. I guess I am just unsure if it’s a lost cause between us because we aren’t likely to get less busy or have normal schedules for a couple more years. I feel conflicted about if I should try or just let it go
If you are 98% sure it would work between you then why would it be a lost cause. It would take a lot of patience and compromise but honestly it comes down to if you think that this guy and your relationship with him is worth it. If it is then try! It will be really hard but would it be harder to lose him?
So I guess the next step would be to decide if I should do NC and if so for how long? Things ended on great terms and there hasn’t been any begging or other nastiness at all. We have spoken a few times since the breakup, but he just said stuff about how he is crazy busy (why we broke up, our schedules are both hectic).
Should I do strict NC? Only respond when he reaches out first? Try and keep a friendship going for now?
Yes you should do NC and during that time you need to work on making friends and doing something to occupy your time. The real question that you need to answer in the NC period is (and this might sound harsh but it’s not meant that way…I’ve been dealing with this myself) do you think you want him back because he was someone that you could hang out with and pass time with or do you really care about him and know it will work with him?
When you start to build other friendships and do other things to occupy your time you will see the answer very clearly. And he will start to miss you too and he will start to figure out what HE has to change to make it work with you. It shouldn’t be just you making sacrifices to make it work.