Have spent the last few weeks gaining attention from and spending time with other females.
My Ex reached out and tried to contact me after 18 days of NC and I messaged her back on day 24 (30th November).
Since then the messages have got more friendly from my Ex towards me as I think that she thought that I was drifting and losing interest. She started messaging me several times a day again and adding two or three kisses to the end of her messages over the last week (something which she hasn’t really done since August). She has told me that she still cares about me a lot and I thought that I would try with a casual I might be in London over new year and told her let me know if she fancied doing anything.
Possibly my first mistake, but I had to ask sometime. My Ex said that she was going away for New Year with her daughter and that I always ask to meet up when she has something planned. I said it’s ok.
Yesterday I received tbe following message from my Ex “I don’t want that at the mo as my brain tells me commitment is headaches if I’m honest, but I still would very much like you to stay in my life…does that sound selfish xx”
I said that “it did a little, but I understood” and left it at that.
I’m so confused and don’t know how to move on from this. Can she change her mind if I stay friends with her, or would it be best for me to go NC again but this time for longer? She has admitted that the stress of this and otber stuff has made her ill and it’s hardly done me any favours. All I have learnt to do is expect the unexpected with this relationship. I think commitment is what we both need but what both of us are frightened of being hurt by (if you commit too much to find out tbe other person isn’t going to).
I regretted not being able to give fake friendship a proper go because I wasn’t strong enough last time. Is that the right way to keep going this time? If so then I need some support with it.
Hmmmm… I would go NC/LC. Don’t give her too much attention. You want her to be attracted to you and your life, so don’t ask her to join it (to go to London etc) wait for her to want to join - if you get me.
Don’t go NC. LC/false friendship. She was open with you. If you disappear, you may not get that from her again. which was a concern for my ex. she let her emotional guard down, and then I did two weeks NC. It has given me the impression from what she has stated the last couple of days that she’s scared I will disappear if she says something I don’t like.
You said you understand, now just be able to have attitude if and when you two meet up finally. You have to be okay with it. She will sense anything that’s being projected from you, no matter if you try to hide it.
Thanks for the advice guys. I wrote the last message and although I agreed with her that she was being a little selfish I think that we were still on good terms but that she didn’t know what to say to that?
Should I just wait for her to make the next move no matter how long that might take, or leave it for a week and get in touch with her if she doesn’t contact me?
I was also thinking about New Year and what I do now she has told me her plans about that. I certainly want to try and be very low contact over this period, but will obviously need to give her a little attention if she seeks it from me?
I was also on the cusp of sending her and her daughter something for Christmas. Only something small which I bought for them ages ago but haven’t given them. The gift for her daughter is something very small but I know that it will make both of them smile and probably realise that I have been holding on to these gifts as I haven’t known how to face giving them. Should I send these or not? I had built up the will to and probably would have done so already if I hadn’t been ill since the weekend. I’m now left with a day or two to get them sent if I want to before last post prior to Christmas… haha confused!
hmmm just as I have been writing this I have received a message from my Ex saying simply “Good morning hun hope your feeling better today xx”
I have a busy day ahead now, so I think that I should leave this until this evening to respond. Make her think a little? What do you guys think?
Yeah. Just wait. She will be waiting tho since she give u text and good respond ^.^ if i were ur ex, and i text u but the message state that u dont read my msg for long hour, i will be wonder where are u. If u read my msg and still dont answer it, it will make me think negatively about u. Just for wxample tho
So after reading the message I should respond in an hour or two?
I haven’t opened tge message as yet, but I can see what it says from where messages appear on my phones honescreen. So will leace until this evening and respond then.
I don’t want to get in to long conversations with her by text but understand that it may be my only option to getting to spend some time with her again. I guess that I have to give a little and reward any good behaviour from her while distancing myself from anything that I deem could lead to another falling out between us. I need to hope that she will realise what kind of behaviour is rewarded and what kind.of behaviour leads me to wanting my own space.
Hi @ aryyan No I didn’t say that I am very busy, although I think she knows by now that Weds and Thursday’s are busy days for me. Saying that she isn’t silly either and would know that would be me just making excuses for myself, as she would have probably expected some kind of reaction to her - can’t handle commitment at the moment, but still really want you to be part of my life and is that selfish -quote.
Still no response from her as yet, although she has probably seen me online at the same time as her on Whatsapp once or twice this evening.
Anyhow, I am busy again tomorrow and off out tomorrow night so will leave it in her hands for the time being to make next contact.
I am wrapping a present for her and her daughter for Christmas this evening and popping that in the post tomorrow though. I had a few things that I had bought earlier this year and had forgot to give them, so I went a bit soft today and went out and got some cards and wrapping paper lol.
Probably another massive mistake but I was told a few days back that I had made a connection with her daughter and that it wasn’t just in my imagination. So that along with my Ex who keeps saying that she cares about me a lot and wants me to stay in her life has given me the push required to send these gifts regardless of what my Ex thinks. I think it is important that her daughter can continue to look up to me and think fondly of me. Her daughter shouldn’t have to be hurt and effected any more than is necessary by her mothers ups and downs in her relationships. She introduced me to her daughter and should respect my behaviour on this hopefully?
I’ll probably be in the wrong though - I always am lol.
@aryyan Yeah she has read it, or at least somebody has. She had been messaging me on her sisters phone as she was out of credit, although I now think that she is back in online credit on her own phone. If she hasn’t seen the message then she would have been told about it. Her sister has known me years too.
What’s lovely? The Christmas presents you mean?
I’m not busy all of the time but I do try to keep myself as occupied as possible. I have many quiet moments and voids to fill and as soon as I stop doing stuff I start missing her. I have fought against it and had some female attention recently and am frustrated that I can’t get my Ex out of my mind. I don’t believe that she will be ready to properly work at things until it is too late but I still can’t turn my back on her and her daughter totally. I am trying to take as much care of myself as I can in the process now and take time to myself when I need it. I still miss her lots.
I come here for support and to give others support as I still think that I am a long way from sorting any kind of new dawn out with my Ex and possibly even further away from getting over her.
You should work more on occupying your own time and mind. It’s not easy but it does help a little.
So she read it but still not reply yet? Even untill now? There must be something or she might be busy i guess. Will u guys meet up again during holiday? Have plan?
Yah i know. I know its hard when we miss someone but we have to occupy ourself with something. At least u try to work on urself with benefit activities and try to keep vusy rather than finding someone else which is good tho. Proud of u i hope holiday and chirstmas day give u a lot of joy later with family and friends, or even with her (we never know :))
Yeah i try and i do my best to keep myself busy and occupy with a lot of thinga. Just like u i miss him so much. Since im still in nc and seeing him getting happy and happier with his gf it hurts me alot.
@aryyan Well I don’t know if she will find the Christmas presents sweet or creepy, but to tell you the truth I’m expecting the worst, but like I said they ain’t for her benefit anyway, more for her daughter who I think has been messed about enough already.
She hasn’t responded yet no and I have been up all night wrapping presents to get them in the post today as the last post date for Christmas is on Saturday. I had 3 trips to the 24hr supermarket in one night to get various wrapping gear. It was a right pain up the ass lol.
I have no plans to meet up with her over Christmas or New Year. I did open up a little a few days ago and said that I may be in town to her and that I was open to meeting her if she wanted to and felt ready. She said the following morning that her and her daughter were going away for New Year and although I said ok and I haven’t made a big deal of it but our communication has felt a little more awkward since.
I got told that I always ask to meet up when she is busy which I think is rubbish as she could always ask me. I was getting the impression that she might have turned over a new leaf and realised that she is unlikely to find somebody with the connection that she has with me any time soon. She had given me several hints that she was heading in the direction of a possible reconciliation, or at least a meet up. Now I’m not so sure again after her comments about being scared of commitment right now the other day.
I am sure that your Ex is not as happy as he is making out either. I’ve had to cope with one certain rebound relationship that my Ex has had and I believe that was the 2nd rebound since we split in June. If he is still talking to you, or would do if you weren’t in NC while he is seeing somebody else then it usually points to the new relationship being nothing more than a rebound.
I think she is very confusing at this moment. I dont know. Its like something bothering her inside her head. Is she indecisive person? Or maybe she just want to be consistent with her decision to not be with u right now. But doesnt mean u dont have a chance. It takes time to work it out. I just feel that way. Because she gave u hints a lot and suddenly she became awkward and all. Is she getting serious with her rebound? Or any hint about her rebound?
Im mot sure anout that because she seems happy with my ex bf and pf course my ex bf too. They hang out frequently and text everyday. Talk to each other everyday. Im not sure sometimes. Well im still doing nc. Hopefully…i can give a shot and everything will be ok i hope so
Yeah I agree with you that she is very confused too @aryyan
I would say that she.likes to be decisive and puts on a tough face to most of the world. This is something that she feels uncomfortable that I have always been able to see straight through and see the girl underneath who is very soft and requires support.
Something went wrong with the first rebound (the one I wasn’t supposed to know too much about). I think that she liked this guy and had a good connection with him. That one seemed to go wrong just after my last visit to her when this guy seemed to get possessive and didn’t like her refusing to stop contacting me. This guy got very nasty towards her not long after that.
What I believe to be my Ex’s 2nd rebound since our split started in October and lasted about 6 weeks I think. I played it cool when she initially told me about him but went NC a couple of weeks later. She dumped this guy during my NC period. She always said to me that she doubted it would work out with him. She said although she liked him she felt that she didn’t have a full connection with him, like what she has with me. She said that she dumped this guy as she.couldn’t see the point in it anymore.
She got more and more open with me after I ended NC and so.I thought I had a chance at pushing for a possible casual New Years meeet up, as I said that I might be heading to London for New Year anyhow and so if she felt like it then we could meet up.
Perhaps I pushed too much too soon? I don’t know.
I do get the impression that she isn’t seeing anyone at the moment, but I’m not sure how long that will last. She has seemed a little incapable of being on her own until just recently. I thought that she was showing me signs that she wanted to perhaps spend some time with me again but perhaps I have confused that with she has now had enough of rebounds but wants to spend some time alone and sort her head out? She wants to keep in touch with me while she is doing this.
I just don’t want to offer too much support and take another kick in the teeth again. I’ve been unwell for most of this year and need to look out for myself when I feel unable to offer any support to others atm.
Does your Ex BF text you, or would he if you weren’t in NC and he thought that he was likely to get a response do you think?
Then i think u still have a chance to be close with her at least. Yes dont push too much. I know sometimes girls want the guys to make a move even they dont say directly. Just take it slow and just go with the flow. Wait for her to reply u. Yes she might be want to have some time for herself but doesnt mean she forget about u from whT i read about ur stories. She just confused and let her be ok first. U can send her a picture like quote or funny that can give her and make her feel better. Girls like that i think. Like random and funby and be there for her without bothering her that much.
Before i did the nc, yes he text me everyday even qe already broke up. Even once a day he will text me or i will text him. He will text me by giving me a quote to give me strength to face the hardest thing in life. He will ask me hows my day and situation because he knew that i do have so many problems after we broke up. Even the day before i did the nc he still text me to say hey u. But the fact that he has spmebody else and post it up in social media and its getting spread up their happiness make me want to do the nc. He once update this status before i shutting down my social media and he said “you cant change te past so make a great future”
Whats that suppose to mean? It means he doesnt want me back and focus on his new gf?
Hi @aryyan wow I can’t believe I still haven’t heard from her.
It’s Weds now that we last had a decent chat. She obviously got upset that I kept her waiting all day for a response to her Good Morning message on Thursday.
I thought that she might have missed me and messaged me when I was out drinking Friday night but I’ve had nothing and I’ve been quiet all day Saturday nursing a hangover.
I think that she has realised that I have been out and about again and depression has kicked in for her. It shows a lot when she doesn’t even go online I have noticed in the past. I went a little weak at the thought of that and sent her a message asking if she was ok.
I think that you should contact your Ex after you decide that you have done enough NC and feel strong enough in yourself. It sounds to me that your Ex is far from over you regardless of the front that he is putting on for your benefit. He’s playing an immature game and hurting others in the process.
