I do appreciate all your advice Seth I really do mate so don’t stop giving it to me. I’m not contacting her at all till we meet up next Saturday. I think she may cancel anyway as it depends on if her son goes his dads
I hope you are right and I really do want it to go well.
Keep working on improving yourself and taking care of yourself. Not for her, but for yourself.
I agree that you should keep the communications limited and go slow, but at the same time, be careful to not become just friends. It is very possible that is the whole reason she agreed to this. She is lonely and needs a friend who listens to her while she finds her way to the next relationship. This allows her to avoid the consequences of the breakup while not actually committing to you. You will be very severely hurt if that happens. So if you get the impression this is heading to just friends, put a stop to it.
Now I will give you a piece of dating advice. Don’t wait for her to decide the place. She will like it when you take charge in that situation and pick the place. Just send her a text and say “How about we just go to Starbucks on Incognito street. It’s quieter there.” or something like that.
Noticed yesterday while scrolling through my Facebook, her friend (who became my friend ) mentioned about someting they did on the weekend and my ex commented and mentioned it was similar to the time we all went away on holiday together. Didn’t mention me obviously but shows she can talk about the past with me in it. We had a great time on that holiday lol.
Thanks Seth I’ll do that, she has made lots of new friends since the split to honest and seems really happy
Wow. This isn’t definitely an emotion rollercoaster. I was doing ok and now BOOM i feel worse than ever 
Can’t keep feeling like this
Ah mate stay positive and strong it’s awful I know ?
Yes it really is an emotional roller coaster. The stages of grief do not come in order and they fluctuate back and forth to where you will be repeating stages again. It does get easier with time. I promise. I know it feels like it, but it still hasn’t been that long for you.
A thought, memory or event can trigger our emotions greatly. Emotions typically last only 90 seconds, but we tend to feed them and that sustains them into lasting much longer, but even then, they usually pass with a little time. I always say to myself when I am upset about anything, “This will pass by tomorrow”. Tomorrow you will probably feel better and whatever triggered you might not feel like such a big deal anymore.
It might help to explain what triggered you, if anything, when your emotions go off the charts. Getting it off our chests can be therapeutic.
It was a social media thing that triggered it. See when we broke up I removed my relationship status to nothing. But I also had a life event where me and my ex are shown as in a relationship. I put it to hide but kept it because it was too painful to delete at the time. She was tagged in it and only me and her could see it after I changed the settings. Months have gone by and to be honest I’d forgotten all about it, i maybe looked into my profile about a month ago. It was still there. I checked again yesterday and it has disappeared. From what I can gather it has gone because she has untagged herself from it. I totally understand why she has and I should of deleted it ages but that triggered another sense of loss and made me feel really bad. I know it’s return minor stuff but when you’re feeling like I am little things like this can get you down!
I understand. That would be painful to me too. It really doesn’t always mean what we think it means. It could mean she is still struggling and trying to remove the temptation. But, keep in mind, this is why you might be best served to unfriend her, before she unfriends you.
See you are no contact, she is posting lots of pictures trying to trigger you into breaking no contact to get back on her hook. You are not responding to that, so she will try something else, such as untagging herself from the life event with hopes that you will respond to that, because she desperately wants her safety net back while she tries other options. When you don’t react to that either, the next effort might be to unfriend or block you and that is going to hurt even more and you will have lost your power over the situation.
If you unfriend her first, it can be very empowering for you and kick up the anxiety level in her that you are moving on. If you don’t unfriend her and she unfriends you, you are going to be crushed and you might start chasing and make things worse. You just said here that you wish you had turned the life event off ages ago. Apply that to unfriending her. If she unfriends you first, you are going to say you wish you had unfriended her ages ago.
I highly recommend that you take your power back before she takes more from you by unfriending her first. This would be therapeutic for you in many way and will make you look good to her as opposed to needy and clingy that you would want keep her on your friend list.
I know exactly what you are going through. There was a post about me and my ex on holiday together and one day I find it had disappeared because she removed it. That was a real kick in the guts. But that pain passed. As Seth said NC is a roller coaster.
Just don’t understand why. She still has pictures of me, I’m still tagged in them and the pics I have she is tagged and still there. Maybe I’m assuming wrong?
Would a ‘life event’ automatically delete if the other person untagged themselves? I don’t know how it works really. I know if you untag yourself from a photo, the photo still remains. Very weird.
I am debating whether to unfriend, I just can’t do it right now. I know you’re right Seth but for me it will be like the final nail in the coffin.
Gamecoder.nz thanks it horrible. Life a huge rush of anxiety.
I so wish I didn’t my give a damn but emotions and feelings are so strong!
She did it because she doesn’t want the reminder and is trying to move on with her life. I know that is something that you don’t want to hear. It fills me with dread, picturing her with another guy but it can be a good thing because it will make her realize what she is missing.
Since she is a strong user of social media then I too would advise that you unfriend her. It would feel like the final nail in the coffin but it would be a hard reset for you on social media.
I feel strong emotions too. It is a good thing and it is OK to feel those as it means that you still care. The important thing is to stay in control of those. That will impress her.
I am not convinced she had anything to do with this life event changing. But I am not familiar with that either. The pictures with you are still up.
Unfriending her will NOT be the final nail in the coffin. It will help you, because it will make you look like you are moving on and that is going to trigger her anxiety. The fact that you are keeping her on the friend list actually could be similar to being Just friends. You are helping her move on and still in a way acting as her safety net. You don’t want to do that.
It will make you stronger too. The reason you don’t want to do it is because you are addicted to watching her page and you know when you unfriend her you won’t be able to do that anymore if her page is showing to friends only. Addiction is not good. End it. It will make you look good to your ex. She could very well be thinking it’s pathetic that you haven’t already unfriended her.
I could be wrong, but I think there is a good chance she is going to reach out to you soon after she notices that you unfriended her.
Just a quick update.
After the above I decided to come off social media for a while and just concerate on ‘life’ I temporarily deleted my Facebook until middle of last week when I felt I was back to being myself again. I haven’t carrying on and to be honest not really giving too much thought into any of it just carrying on.
Then the other day I drove past my ex. It was the first time I had seen her since we broke up. She knew it was me and as I drove past I waved but she completely blanked me and looked ahead as if not to see me. I know she did. Then later on I was at the shop and saw her walking towards it. I wanted to say hi to her so hovered for a bit whilst doing my shopping. Typically as soon as I had my back turned she had been and gone within a flash! Again she knew I was there but chose to ignore me and quickly get in and out. I felt a bit gutted about it, but I understood she may of felt awkward saying hello. She is of the shy type. Anyway I left it and carried on my day.
Later that evening I received a message from her! She asked how I was and said she did see me in the shop but I was facing the other way. I repiee back to her reeling he rot was ok. Would of been good to say hi but it’s nice to hear from her. We have been messaging back and forth for a while BUT is just doesn’t feel right. She answering but not asking me any questions, and I’m trying to be upbeat and cheery and she seems to be keeping it down beat and low key. It doesn’t feel a conversation where she is actually interested in talking to. If that makes sense. I have a feeling it will just fade off. I’m not going to tell her how I still feel about her…I told her that last time, so she knows.
Well she’s talking/ seeing another guy. Took a bad turn again and went down hill. She was messaging me until this new guy ‘liked’ a selfie of her then boom she disappeared and hasn’t been in touch since. To say I’m gutted is an understatement. Since then she’s been posting lots of pics and it’s so obvious she’s trying to get his attention.
I’m keeping quiet now, I’m trying to keep busy but the thought of them keeps popping up. It’s horrible. I also feel angry because I’m here still loving her and hurting and she just seems to not care one bit and moved on so easily.
That is terrible. Everyone on here knows your pain. A lot of us are left wondering how they can move on so quickly and leave us behind.
This is not something that you will want to hear but you need to cut her out of your life completely. Remove her number, remove her as a friend from all social media, don’t try and contact her at all. This is what you need to do for yourself and I’m sure everyone on here agrees.