I’ll try to keep this short as my posts are usually long. I wanted to send a letter to my ex in hopes to take steps to win her back however I am unsure whether to send it. So it has been 34 days since i’ve last seen her. I kept no contact for a week and a couple days then she messaged me she missed me and we talked and phoned etc and it ended up with her saying hearing my voice upset her as she missed me and she didn’t want to give the wrong impression. Fast forward a couple weeks of no contact my “friend” (who i no longer am friends with) deliberately try to sabotage my chances by telling her that “he’s miserable without you” … “take him back your his only one” etc. He basically made me look pathetic and desperate. This was a day before her birthday! So her birthday i messaged her saying along the lines of ignore him he’s just trying to stir shit and wished her a happy birthday anyway. she replied and told me she did ignore him and that she was unsure why he tried to involve her. she said thank you and told me she was off sick in bed. I ignored her reply. 6 days later (today) she messaged me at 7am on facebook saying she misses me. The weird thing was i spent the whole of yesterday writing drafts of letters some being very aggressive and some being almost desperate to vent as i was missing her. I got my head straight and wrote this…
"I want to open up to you as I’ve been holding a lot back. So much has changed since we last saw each other. Life is good but so different. After my emotional phase last year, I’ve really been trying to find myself again ever since. I’ve held a lot back from you to protect myself so you wouldn’t feel as if I’m pathetic or weak. This made me become very numb to the point I’d hold everything back to seem strong. I became this fake happy guy because I was unconsciously scared to show you the real me again (The person you first met). I was miserable cause I didn’t have money to take you out. I was scared of trying new things in case it would end in disaster and all this stress from life changes like the last minute university decision really shut me down. Simple things became complicated. I stopped listening to what you had to say, I’d automatically disagree with you. It drained me. I became a very toxic person; I took my frustration out on you and that’s why I apologise. You’ve heard this before but I took you for granted. I realise this all now. I’ve realised all the mistakes I made. As you could tell I took the breakup really badly, I was an emotional wreck and may have said things I didn’t mean. I acted on instinct which was immature and pathetic and I’m sorry. I want to give you all the space you need. Since then I have really put myself out there to try new things. My life has improved drastically. This was a wakeup call to remind me to appreciate what I have. I’m grateful for what we had. I feel liberated, like I’ve finally broke this cycle I put myself into.
I watched the Conjuring the other day with a friend and it really reminded me of you. I wanted to let you know that I miss you but couldn’t bring myself round to tell you. I’m happy for you and hope you are doing well. I hope we can talk again soon."
The thing is I’m not sure whether to send it in a letter or not cause she replies to my whatsapp messages? People I have asked have told me to send it in a letter as it is more personal. What do you think? Have i said the right things?
P.s I know she has been talking to another guy but they’re not dating. I’m not even sure they have even met but i know they’re talking. i know i shouldn’t be bothered by this but i’d just thought i’d mention this incase. She did speak to a guy when we last broke up but she broke down and told me about it and told me she only talked to him to take her mind off me. This was last time. Maybe it’s the same type of thing? I’m not sure. All i know is i’m emotionally stable and thinking logically. i just miss her alot. i want her back. Any help will be appreciated. if you want to know my full story you can check my posts out. Just a warning they’re very long lol. Thanks!
To be quite honest, I wouldn’t send such a letter. I think you focused pretty much on the negatives. I suppose you already talked to her about all these things, so I don’t think it would be a good idea to recall all of them. I’d rather briefly apologize for my bad behaviour, tell her something good that’s happening or has happened and focus on HER, such as her qualities and wish her all the best. I’m going to do the same in two weeks. Unfortunately I cannot write a letter, because I wouldn’t know how to really give it to her, since I’m not supposed to know her new address, although I suspect I know it. Don’t focus on the negatives. Be positive!
Hey that is great advice thank you very much! I knew it didn’t seem quite right! Thank you so much! And I’m so sorry for situation dude!
The funny thing is i spent the whole night writing different letters and missing her badly. The next morning she messaged me on facebook saying “I miss you” at 7am. So ignored it and she then messaged me on whatsapp saying the same thing “i miss you” at around 8-9pm. I continued to ignore her as i knew she was talking to this guy and it might have been in the moment type of thing. So the next day (today) she messages me on whatsapp again at 5:44am saying “Urm maybe you don’t want to but if you do can we talk tonight”. I’m scared this is just her missing me when she is lonely when she isn’t talking to this new guy. I’m not being a plan B. Any advice? Should I ignore it? Should I continue sending the letter in a couple days (altered version). Thanks.
Hello ironblood, I don’t know why but I have a good feeling for your situation with your ex, it’s actually great that she sends you that she misses you.
Now it’s all about timing and good moves,continue to ignore her and send her a great letter (don’t hesitate to post it here ;)) and everything will be fine.
Thank you improvinglemon. Alot of drama happened last night. I kind of lost my shit but i think it ended positive i just don’t know how to deal with the situation now and what to say. I’m scared of messing up.
Long story as short as possible I got a girl friend of mine to talk to the guy my ex was talking to. Turns out he’s a scum bag who just speaks to girls for sex then moves on. This pissed me off. Anyway, he openly asks my friend for nudes and etc. He sends his number without even asking etc. So i had his number on whatsapp and could see his online activity. I saw it matched my ex’s. Meanwhile she’s sending me "i miss you"s and “i want to talk to you” while speaking with this guy. i felt shit. I noticed they went offline at the same which meant they were going on a phone call which if you read my other post last time we broke up she talked to another guy and flirted etc to keep her mind of me anyway i’ll get to that. I SNAPPED. I added them both to a group and said sorry for interrupting their call. Long story short my ex broke down kept phoning me and phoning me. i ignored. eventually we got on the phone we opened up that we obviously still care about each other and miss each other and told each other all the people we’ve spoken to etc. it turns out she made a tinder cause she was “loneley” and spoke to that guy and arranged to meet. I told her about my date with that girl she hates etc. Anyway we argued for about 2 hours and it ended with her blocking that guy without me even asking. i even told her she didn’t have to but she wanted to. Anyway we went off then called again and we caught up and we even laughed and i ended the call saying i would talk to her tomorrow. so here tomorrow i’ve had tie to think. I’m hurt. i know i was stupid to interfere. she messaged me “how are you today”. I’m scared this will need no where. i want her back. I love her so much. AND i’m even willing to forgive her. i just don’t want the past repeating it’s self. I don’t know how to move forward positive at this point. Should i reply? last time we had a casual conversation when she missed me it lead no where and pushed us away and i’m scared this will happen again. Thanks. i know this post is abit long and complicated so if you have any questions feel free.
Breath, stay calm, everything is going fine, don’t overthink ;).
Your ex is sending you only positive message ; at this point I think the letter would be awkward.
Personally, I would ask her out for a drink or something, have some fun time with her, do not bring up this guy or anything about the break up, just stay cool and don’t rush anything. Now you need to take things slowly and if it’s meant to work it just will.
If you want to get back with her, you have to forgive her, otherwise it will fail, you two just had a bad phase, it happens, what’s important is to go on.
Hey thanks! Some good news and some bad? I guess. Me and my ex managed to get in positive contact. we’ve had a phone call every night for like 6 days straight. she’s messaged me first for like 4 days then i started messaging her. at the moment i want her to message me as i’ve seen to be putting in more of the first contact now. i asked her if she wanted to meet and she said yes when we had our second phone call. I brought it up yesterday and she said that she doesn’t know if it is a good idea or not as she said she misses me alot but she can’t just be friends with me. she then said then again she doesn’t know what she wants and she feels as if she needs to sort her self out. i told her i understand and that she doesn’t have to come. i told her the offer was there and she said she’ll see if she’s busy or not. she then changed subjects. apart from that i guess things have been positive. we’re speaking as if we were together almost putting aside the intimate stuff. I just don’t know what to do. i feel like i’m running out of things to talk about and say to start conversation but when we’re on the phone everything is ok. i would love for some advice to not let her lose interest and fall for me again. i really miss her.
