Hi All,
Let me start by saying that no matter what happens, wether we get our ex back or not, everything will be ok. We are simply built that way. We live to learn and learn to move on and it’s part of our programming for survival.
Now please pay attention to what I am going to say. There are a thousand ways to get our ex back and a thousand reasons why we can’t and there are thousands of real life experiences which prove both facts.
Right now you need to choose which of the two will work for you. Would you focus on the ways to get your ex back or would you dwell on the reasons why you can not?
Since all of us are here in this forum, I think it’s safe for me to assume that we ALL want our ex back or want to help others get their ex back. So to start getting them back we must truly believe that this will happen. We must avoid all negative thoughts and feelings because these things are counterproductive. Don’t get me wrong, wishful thinking and being positive alone will not get them back. We must do the work and work real hard and it will not be easy.
To begin with, if you are one of those folks who have posted in this forum asking for help and opinion on what to do but has not received any reply or help yet, please do not despair. People care but try to understand that most of them are preoccuppied with their own situation and most of the regulars here have limited time to share. My advice to you is to read other people’s post. You will eventually find someone whose experience is similar to yours. When you do find it, read and understand all the positive advice that you can find and apply it. Ignore all the negative advices, you don’t need it as you already know it won’t really help.
On the other hand, if you are one of the lucky few who got a reply, please show your gratitude by applying the positive advices that you received before doubting or complaining. You owe it to them as they found the time in their busy life to help. Also, do not forget to share positive results as this will make your supporters feel good for you and for themselves for giving good advice.
Remember that this forum is really about making the 5 step plan work for you. So please, please, please read each step carefully, understand it, know what the objectives are. APPLY it and BELIEVE in it. Do it wholeheartedly and avoid shortcuts. What’s the point of doing it if you don’t believe in it or give it a chance? Most of your questions are answered by the 5 step plan if you read it carefully.
Also, just because we are brokenhearted does not mean we do not know what to do. We of all people know our situation well. We know what to do. Look at the sound advice that we give others. It’s just our negative emotions which gets in our way when it comes to dealing with our own concerns. Should you feel that you need to break NC for whatever reason; just ask yourself if it were somebody else, what advice will you give. You will know you are being objective when you feel right about something. You also know the feeling of lying to yourself. So don’t do anything when you feel this way.
Lastly, we need to acknowledge that we were dumped because we made more mistakes than our ex and have hurt them deeply. If we don’t get them back as soon as we want to, let us not be discouraged. Instead, let this serve as a consequence to our actions or mistakes that we need to bear. We are not in the position to get what we want immediately. We need to give them time and must understand that it is up to them to accept our heart again even when we have done our best to change and be better.
I hope this helps.
we all have a lot of hope and optimism, which regardless of the circumstances, is a great thing.