Hi there, so this is my story…
We were together for 6 years, and have a 5 year old son. 2 months ago, he moved out due to a very bad argument we had, and I told him to leave (which I regret every day). Before he moved out, we were having issues for about a month, everything was very tense, and it all started when I found out he was talking to a girl (Lucy is the name). When I first found out, he said he was going to stop talking to her.
A week after, I caught him talking on the phone with another girl at 2am night (I didn’t know who it was, all I know her initials were DM, that’s what I was able to see when he hung up the call real quick).
On the third week (I was already being paranoid), I caught a conversation he was having, it wasn’t very clear but it was more than innocent (he said it was a friend named esther). I got a hold of his contacts, a girl seemed suspicious to be, so I asked him, “Who is Daisy M.?”, he would never respond.
4th week, i see a conversation from Daisy M., more than anything she was sounding concerned. But I was still suspicious, so I called her and asked her who she was, she got defensive and told me my partner was the one who had to give me an explanation.
At this point, he was very mad and finally decided to admit that all this time, he never stopped talking to Lucy. Lucy = Daisy = Esther. Instead of looking at the real issue here, he would point fingers and said I shouldn’t have called, I shouldn’t have checked his contacts, etc. Still, we sat down and talked, to try to fix things.
On his last week at home, he was very indifferent, I was the one trying to make everything work. Until I found out he got a new number (he had broken his cellphone on a previous argument so he was cellphone-less), didn’t tell me, and Lucy already had the number. During our argument, he actually received a text from her: “Baby you dropped the call yesterday”. So I went crazy, I was angry and felt very betrayed. That’s when I told him to leave (we were living in my parents house temporarily, I am still there) in front of my mom. Next day he came and got his stuff. Of course, he kept blaming me and saying I had no right checking his phone (I am aware of that, but really? after all this that’s the best you can come up with?)
After he left, he said we needed some time apart, we would get together and see each other during the weekends and try to fix things. For two months, I have been nothing but needy and desperate and clingy and all that, hundreds of calls and texts, always crying, bla bla bla. One day he would be nice to me, then for some time he would treat me horrible. I would always tell him the same thing, why throw away 6 years and a family in just 2 months? I started going to a psychologist, obviously I am his codependent.
Two weeks ago, we got together, we spent the night together, and next day when I woke up I found a lab receipt for a pregnancy test under her name (negative). Which he then tells me, “I shouldn’t have brought you here (where he’s staying at) because you will never change, you will always be looking for stuff (is not like I started opening drawers, the receipt was on a table and I just happened to pick it up and see it). And we’re not together anymore”. A few days later, me acting impulsively (I am not proud of what I’ve done, but I tend to act impulsively and make decisions when I’m mad, im trying to change that), I called the girl’s house, and kind of got her family involved. Of course, he was furious. And I know everything is his fault, however, since the beginning she knew he was committed and had a family, she knew we were having issues because of her, so morally she’s not guilt free. So, we didn’t talk for 3 days, until one day he was very drunk, no money to get home, told me to go pick him up. I did, he told me I shouldn’t have called her house, which I agreed, and then told me he stopped talking to her. But he didn’t really talk about us. Next day in the morning, he told me was going to call me after work so he can pass by my house and see our son. When he got out of work, I called him twice, first he didn’t pick up, second time his cellphone was already off. So I immediately knew he was with her again. Of course, he says they stopped talking, the girl’s mother told him he doesn’t want him anywhere near her, but they’re both adults so nothing can stop them from meeting each other. After everything that has happened, he doesn’t want to talk to me. He told me very clearly to stop calling and looking for him. Yes, I was being very pathetic.
I always said I don’t tolerate infidelity, precisely because I myself am very faithful and loyal. But at this point, I am willing to forgive and make things work. There’s many factors we both need to work on, which of course we would straighten everything out. And this is the first time something like this happens between us. My question is, what he has with this girl, could it be a rebound relationship? Will NC rule help? I just want my family back, and I don’t think you can just stop loving someone so quick after being together for 6 years. He had a very troublesome childhood, he most stable years were the ones he spent with me, and he knows I was always there for him, never turned my back on him regarding his drinking issues. I want my family back. I decided to NC as of last night (7/7/2016).
Any words of comfort, any help, is greatly appreciated