My ex boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years- I’m 25 and he is 26. We have gone through many changes (work, study, family etc) but have always stuck by each other. Last year was tough on him as work was getting him down. He had to work at the other end of the state and was only able to come home once a month if at all. We never knew when we would see each other and it was really hard. He eventually came back and we moved in together and spent the next few months having an awesome time. He was then offered a job interstate and didn’t know whether to go or not. As it was a fantastic opportunity and only for 6 months initially I said he should take it and we would work out what to do next after the first 6 months (whether he came home or I joined him).
Then one month ago, my ex-boyfriend and I got back from our 3 week holiday overseas. He had a conference for a week and I joined him for 3 weeks as we hadn’t had a holiday in a long time. We unfortunately went with a friend who butted heads with my boyfriend but that’s beside the point.
Anyway, whilst he was on the conference he sent me cute messages saying he couldn’t wait until I got there, he missed me and that I was the only person he didn’t get sick of. He went quiet for a few days on the conference, but I thought that was just because he was busy and knew I was busy finalising everything for work before I left. When I arrived at the airport he didn’t greet me like he normally would and then continued to act in a totally grumpy and selfish way for the next few weeks. I confronted him about it one night and he gave me this long lingering hug that made me feel everything was ok and going back to normal.
We continued our holiday and it was okish… but not great.
When we got home, I got dropped at my parents house (I had moved my stuff back as he was going interstate in the next few months) and he went to his parents house. He then came over a few hours later and broke up with me saying we were so different and that we want different things in life. I was taken aback as we have always loved doing the same things together and that is one of the things that he has always said he loves about me. I was an idiot and collected every thing that I could find that reminded me of him and delivered it to his parents house the next day.
We then didn’t speak for a few days (until I had a blow out when he asked me how I was and went nuts and asked for all my stuff back. We caught up after a week which was a terrible idea as I was a mess and he was so indecisive about what he wanted to do and about me.
I gave him some space (as he asked for it) and didn’t message him for a week but sent him a quick friendly message on easter saying happy easter. When he replied I then sent a message saying that I had been doing some thinking and was trying to improve myself. His message was simply thanks for your honesty?
We haven’t spoken since (I started no contact) and its been 2.5 weeks. I found out (from his mums facebook account) that he has already moved interstate and that he is no longer only going for 6 months, but is now going for several years. He has not sent me a message saying he was going as I had asked him and it hurts that he could be so cruel.
I am really confused as to what to do next as I know he is probably having an exciting time moving for his job. I think he truly doesnt know what he wants and had decided to take our relationship to the next level but then when a job offer came through that he couldn’t refuse he took that as the easy option.
I still think he cares about me as he said he could see us together maybe one day, but I don’t know whether there is even any hope for us. I am trying to move forward with my life and give myself some space to heal and then work out whether to contact him or not. Is this the best thing to do?
Hey,
I totally understand you and I know how hard this must be for you but you’re doing a great job and yes the most important part of the plan is about you.give yourself some timee to heal and then you can decide what to do about him.
I’m also going through a heart break right now and tomorrow will be my first day of Nc.I followed the Plan few years back and it definitely is everyone’s best bet.
Good luck
6 years is a long time to be in a relationship and I’m sure you’re shocked and devastated by his breaking up with you. However, he didn’t love you enough to ask you to go with him and also said you want different things in life. As difficult as it may be, you have to accept his flimsy reason. It might also be that he was with you when you were both very young and he feels a need to experience other women. When he was across the state, he may have indulged in dating others too. Even though you probably think it unlikely, it’s possible and you don’t know for sure and I doubt he would tell you if he did. DO NOT contact him and don’t stalk social media. Get on with your life after taking some weeks or months to heal. He might contact you with a few bread crumbs, but don’t get your hopes up that it means more than it does. I wish you the best whatever happens…
Thankyou both for your replies.
As you can imagine I am having a hard time coming to terms with it all.
When we found out he was leaving it was only initially going to be for 6 months. We decided that I would go and visit him at least once a month but hopefully every second weekend. I thought we had a plan on how to tackle this tough time.
I think you are right that he is just confused. Which I totally get, life is not meant to be easy!! We were also together for a long time but I dont think he was ready yet to commit to a life together as he is quite young at heart. I also think he was going through a bit of a quarter life crisis where he trying to work out where he wants his life to go.
I am going to give him some time and also work on myself (I have already been starting to do this as I am now 3 weeks into no contact!) and then contact him in a week or so.
Each day I feel stronger.
Sounds great,don’t think about anything negative and keep up the good job.
Make sure to check NC checklist before contacting him.
You shouldn’t be the one initiate a contact, especially since he’s the one who dumped you.
Congrats, keep up the good work. NC is definitely the right step to follow. As surprising as it sounds. He could be the one to initiate contact. Wait for it. I had been in a 8 years relationship and on the 31 day of NC my ex contacted me. I am also 25 years old and my ex is 27. I started a relationship when I was 17. At that age we all know what we want. I think that something its on his mind. Just give him the space and let him see life without you. I’m sure it sucks!
Hi leidy1000,
How is that communication going for you? any steps forward?
Good luck!
It’s definitely moving forward. We have met a couple of times. He has been very loving just like when we were together. Kisses me and all that cute stuff. I still do the No Contact to give him time to miss me and invite me out. The first time we met I invited. The second time was his idea. Now the third time will be this weekend. It was a mutual idea. Like I said sometimes I initiate contact, then disappear to do No contact until he contacts. He never takes more than a week to contact.
I won’t lie to you. After finishing the No Contact, meeting up, seeing he still in love with me and him letting me still be the only girl he meets, has make things so much better for me in terms of the emotional feelings. Not Contacting is now so much easier. I feel much happier when I don’t contact him and he doesn’t contact me. I guess thats the results of NC. Anyways Im sure I want to continue with him. I wish you so much luck. I hope that when NC finishes, you can have alot of patience. This is hard enough. I do get anxious sometimes and want this to be faster and be together, but it doesn’t work like that. To have a long lasting relationship you have to re star. Do not try to pick up where you left it, because it wont work.
I am so glad that everything is getting better for you. I know that the hardest part is focusing on you and keeping your head together!
I am in a place right now that I understand that if it does work that’s awesome and if it doesn’t work, its not the end of the world. I know that any potential relationship may be different from this point forward and that’s ok too.
Good luck with everything! It sounds like you are on your way!
You are doing your NC so much better than I did. I was such a loser saying we were just taking a break.
When will NC period finish?
It finished yesterday. I sent a message this morning but I haven’t had a reply so I’m kinda freaking out a little bit!! Its been two hours already…
I know I probably shouldn’t have messaged him just yet, but I was feeling pretty confident in myself and how much progress I had made. Here’s hoping he at least responds.
It was nice reading the conversation between you two in this thread. Sending positive thoughts your ways
Thank you Scotch. Positive vibes to you too.
Alligator, I know how you feel. It has happened to me, but you know you will need alot of patience. Maybe your ex will take his time to reply. Could be busy, worried of personal issues, or just playing mind games. Be prepared for all of that. It can take time to recieve a reply. Also, be prepared for your ex to take you back to square one. However, now you know better and not contacting for a couple of days will heal that. Update us on that. Good luck!