We were together almost 2 years. The love was intense and we shared quite a strong connection. Toward the end of our relationship I began working/studying more (October/November) and she began spending much more time with a guy friend of her brother. We saw each other less and less. That was ultimately the reasons for her dumping me (December), as she had “lost” her feelings for me. She also claimed she had NO feelings for another person (lie). A few months later (March), when I felt truly ready to cut off all communication from her (legit NC), she apologized and admit she had feelings for that guy. Anywho, I told her to not contact me and she respected it until about late May when she said she wanted to apologize for hurting me. She’s very clingy so I’m surprised she lasted that long without a peep, but I imagine she was plenty distracted with her new guy fling. I told her to give me my space again. She said okay.
In July she apologized with a big ol’ text saying how bad she messed up and that she was “actually being manipulated” by this guy. I never cared to ask and I think my reply was to continue to give me my space. She continues to text me once every few weeks or so always apologizing or asking if we could ever be friends again, or how she’s very fond of my belongings she still has in her possession, all while repeating that “it doesn’t feel right [never speaking again]” because she truly loves me and she was confused and realizes her mistakes and so forth.
Yes, she’s being very sincere, but I give her dry responses–even directly declining to be her friend! Yet, she remains persistent. Well, I am now in grad school and realize I will be a busy guy…but I feel like life is extending an opportunity for me to be in love again, and I feel weird rejecting the chance to give it a try, or something. I’m in my late 20’s and have been in 1 other serous relationship, but my time with this girl far surpassed my feelings for my previous ex.
I have made it clear that I am happy and no longer view her the same way; I never thought she was capable of the things she put me through before and after the breakup, like ignoring me, spending even more time with the guy, declining to hang out. Mind you, I never told her this, just that I didn’t think she was capable of hurting me. She called this weekend saying she really needed to speak to me and, again, claimed she doesn’t feel right not having me in her life anymore. She sticks to her story about that guy being a clinically, mentally damaged person, as he manipulated her to spend more time with him. Didn’t care so I didn’t ask exactly what happened, but the main theme is that he tricked her/lied heavily to get her to spend more time with him. Since then, she claims to have spent hundreds of dollars on therapy due to her experience with that guy and how he’s stalking her and she feels like a complete idiot for breaking up with me. Is working on a restraining order and does a lot of self-blame for allowing herself to “get manipulated” and whatnot.
So, I’m not sure what to do. Give her another chance? Or continue parrying her attempts to reconcile? Be friendly? If so, how often? I sort of feel bad for her, but I also feel like I’m a busy guy and it won’t work unless there are some serious rules set in place about my lack of availability and my newfound philosophy of being ready to move on in life with or without a partner. ANY RESPONSE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED 