So I was last on here a year and a half, where i did the no contact rule and then got back with my boyfriend of 3 years. Its been a year and a few months, and yesterday he dumped me again.
Obviously, I am heartbroken. He said to me that he had discussed with his aprents that we have just finished our 4th year of university, starting new jobs and that we should start a new chapter in our lives - and that our relationship was very immature as he is immature and needs to grow up - but can only grow up without me as part of that growing up is to ‘meet other people’ and become a better person in relationships.
I fought for 3 hours yesterday (both of us in tears) trying to get him to change his mind and having a talk about everything - but his mind was set. Beforehand, he had booked to go travelling with his best friend to central america for 7 weeks, which I had been fine about.
He then told me that this wasnt a break up, it was a break…but he didnt know how long for, could be 6 months could be 6 yeasr. He said he thinks we should go more than 3 months without talking, and that I should not wait for him.
I feel like all hope is lost - especially after one break up and get back together already. At the end of the conversation we hugged and I said “I hope you manage to grow up and find what your looking for and hopefully things will work out for us in the future”
Was this a good idea? Im so stuck. I just want him back
You may want him back, but he doesn’t want you (at least not now). Don’t put your life on hold waiting for him. Go out and have fun times with other people. Visit with family and friends or get more involved with other interests or hobbies.
Do not beg and do not contact him! Get on with your life. No one knows what your future holds, but for now, it’s not with him! Try to get over it and move on…
patricia12 I know it is hard, but im going to give him space. But in the end, I want us to get back together…but i dont know how long to do NC for anything.
Last year, we did it for 3 months and then contacted him. worked perfectly, and we were back together in 2 weeks. In the 3 monhts I went on holiday, went out, went on a date…but did not speak to him once.
This time however its different - we went 3 months last time, and now he wants to do longer. Should I double it? I just dont know…all i do know is that however long it takes, I want him back!!
Sorry, maybe you shouldn’t contact him at all until or unless he matures and figures out his life. To do otherwise, would be like beating a dead horse. It will get you nowhere. It serves no purpose and won’t help. Sorry again, but that’s the reality of the situation. Please try to move on. Whatever will be, will be…
no noooo…i completely understand that. I need to give him time and space to figure out his life and mature. I guess I just want him to change, and then for me to be able to be there for it and I do want him in my life, I do want to talk to him at some poeint…i just dont know how long to wait for
Why don’t you wait for 6 months to a year. Maybe by that time he will have matured a little more. He even said the relationship was very immature and obviously he wasn’t happy with it. He needs time to grow up and not to be smothered…
Try to focus on your new job and other things. Maybe you need time to mature too…
That very true. I think what upsets me is it was always me waitwing for him - I was the least clingy girlfriend ever (he even admitted that to me), and said we are perfect for each other but he does need time to grow up and mature. I guess I just want to be the one that he wants to eb with when he feels ready to be in a serious, commited relationship - hopefully with me.
He says he doesnt want to get married until he’s 30 ( at the moment hessaying that anyway), and I think thats scaring him. Infact, I think everything is about commitment, which is why im going to do exactly the same as I did last time and back off majorly. Hes going travelling for 2 months without me - hopefully this will give him some thinking time.
However I spoke to a friend last night who spoke to him, and he didnt sound sad at all about it, saying that he thought I understood and hoped I wasnt too hurt and after a few months cooling off hopefully we can be good friends again
This upset me greatly - how can someone after 4 years, telling me that we were perfect together, crying with me, turn around and be fine it happened last time however, and after 3 months i found out that actually he had missed me greatly…hoping it will eb the same this time
Hi Amy, you’re situation sounds very similar to mine. I know what it’s like to feel blindsided and abandoned but you meet to stay strong. I skimmed through the other topics on your profile and 3 months NC seemed to do wonders for you before so maybe that’s what you should start with now and go from there. It will allow you time to heal and gain your confidence back again and him (hopefully) time to grow up and figure his life out.
That’s a tough one for me to answer because I’m not on social media really (lame I know). But my best advice would be to stay off of it as much as possible, seeing him on will only have negative effects on you. I don’t think it will be wise for you to reach out to him about it right now, just give him space. Clearly that’s what he wants/needs. If down the road, maybe a month or 6 weeks, he still hasn’t changed it then maybe approach him about it. For now I would just leave it.
I guess its just playing on my mind. He’s going travelling for 7 weeks in South america too, and I guess i wanted to clear things up of what this was before he goes - however I think I am being way too hopeful with this! thank you x
Ohk. Hi amy. I just gave it a read. And although i do agree with folk for going on a 3 month nc. But if he needs freedom from you, i think you just start talking to him later. After a decided nc atleast. Or perhaps after hes back from his trip. But Be truly SUBTLE. One cant always hide whats on their mind especially from someone who knows them like the back of their own hand. So yeah. Stay in slight touch after NC and take it slow. Meanwhile, just relax. Because we cant do something about stuff which is out of our hands. So just try and relax. Heal. Your healing up is important to you and to him too.
If you want to contact him before he leaves for your peace of mind you can but I would prepare for it as if it was the last time you are ever going to talk to him. That is probably the most likely outcome. If you can, tough it out until he gets back unless he contacts you.
There’s nothing wrong with being hopeful! If you truly love him, hope with all your heart! There’s no harm in it until you know for sure he’s moved on which hasn’t happened yet. Hope is a powerful thing.
Amy, I originally did NC for a month (it was before that other post and I didn’t after I made that post), I think it was 28 days to be exact. She didn’t contact me at all during that time. It made me feel awful, I thought she had moved. It took her another couple of months after NC for her to open up to me again and share her true feelings about me again. We’ve still only seen each other once since our breakup. So did it work? The short answer is yes. I improved myself, and truly got rid of some of my flaws. Did she just come jumping back in my arms after NC? No, but we seem to be heading down the right path.
NC is great if you actually take the time to improve yourself. If you do it as some magically cute to get your ex back, that’s not good. I would suggest NC for at least a month. Improve yourself, gain confidence! Know that you are a good person and that you deserve better treatment than what you got!
Yeah! That’s very true. I’ve decided to hide the relationship status and forget about it-if he wants to change it he can, but I’m not going to contact him I have to do it for at least 5 months I think though-he asked for longer than 3 months this time
I wouldn’t necessarily put a time frame on the NC. You just need to do it for as long as it takes for you to self-improve and to recover. It may be 6 weeks, it may be 6 months. You’ll know when you are ready. Stay positive!
That’s true I guess I’m scared if I wait too long he will meet and fall in love with someone else! He’s going travelling next week and it’s making me so sad thinking about it, I’m going to miss him so much knowing that he’s not in the country, and he doesn’t want to speak to me
He does, howeber, still have our relationship up on Facebook. I have hidden it on my profile. But now I think it is because he has simply forgotten to change it as he would have mentioned something if he’d have changed his mind by now
Do you think If you’ve got back together once before after a break up you can get back together a second time? That is my biggest fear
and I do want him in my life, I do want to talk to him at some poeint…i just dont know how long to wait for